I need some opinions...

I drove down to my parents' house to drop off some ww cookbooks and stuff so they could try it. My mom sounded like she was really going to put forth some effort, even picked up a scale and a few books herself, and has been going on about how happy she is that I am actually focusing on my weight now and how much healthier/better I must feel and look. So I went along with it and figured that I'd go over the plan with her. I told her I was coming down Sunday on Saturday.

I didn't stay in the house more than twenty minutes. They had been slurping oysters and drinking most of the afternoon so when I got there they were pretty obviously drunk. Like repeating themselves two or three times.

A complete waste of a drive, and since it takes me nearly two hours to drive one way, I should have just mailed the stuff to her.
I held my tongue and got out of there within thirty minutes because I felt that it was a waste of time even to visit in their states. But the whole thing really made me angry/upset. It probably didn't help that I was only running on three or so hours of sleep from the night before, but still. I get that they are adults and that they can get as drunk as they want in their own homes.

But, maybe I shouldn't be making an extra effort to help her with this, yeah I want her to be happy/healthy, but it's not like I can be the food/drink police. And that really upset me yesterday that she couldn't hold off on the alcohol until I got there at least or at least call me up and tell me that we should go over this stuff another weekend.

I just don't think this is going to work. She is not going to cut back as far as she needs to on her drink to follow the WW plan. I do not see that happening.

I think I am just going to keep doing as I am, leave the stuff down there for a few weeks, then pick it up the next visit if it is obvious that she isn't using it. I'll stop talking about ww and weight loss, unless she brings up the subject of course, but even then I probably won't invest that much time in trying to help. I gave her the information she needs to do it alone, so it isn't like I am trying to hinder her.

What do you think? What should I do or not do?

I think you're doing just what you should...leave the stuff and pick it up next time you're there. Don't push or prod or ask questions...if they want to do it they have the tools. You can't make someone care - you can only care about yourself and take care of what you need to do. Maybe seeing your success will make a world of difference in your mom's motivation.

Hi Zanheltangia,

Wow - you've had an interesting weekend!
Anyways short version - you can't be responsible for anyone else's choices.
It's not your job to be the food/drink police. As you said - you've passed on the "tools" for your mom to follow the program if she wants.

Keep going on your own path as it looks like you are doing well and let your Mom make her own choices - in the end we are all responsible for what goes in our mouths - not someone else.

good luck!

I'm sorry you drove so far and felt like you couldn't even have a proper visit with your parents.

I don't think I would give up completely, but I do agree that your mom is the only one who can decide what she wants to do. But I think you can lead by example, be healthy, follow the plan, and inspire her as you lose weight!

It may not happen overnight, but there may be small changes she starts to make and eventually it might click. I've never had something click by being nagged, just some personal moment of insight. So be there for your mom but don't push.

Besides learning about this my own weight issues, I can say that my siblings and I always begged our parents to quit smoking. They wanted to as well. They knew it was bad for them and they didn't need us to remind them, but we felt we had to or we were not doing our jobs. Ultimately, we gave up the nagging and eventually, years and years later, they did quit.

And you know? Maybe your mom won't cut her food and drink back enough to follow WW closely, but any small change sounds like a good thing. Maybe she'll lose 5 pounds this year instead of this month. But that's a step in the right direction, right?

Thanks, MindiV. I was about to just take the books back with me, but I left them and just took the one new cookbook that I hadn't tried yet back with me. I am just so worried about whether or not it sounds like I am presuring them, because I know that doesn't work, it took years after my Dad quit smoking before my Mom did for example and I remember the drama inbetween.

Yeah, Skyootr, and that was only a couple hours of it, Drove through some heavy sheets of rain there and back too. That was crazy. It was so thick that further down the highway it was hard to tell where the horizon really was. I figure leaving the cookbooks was for the best anyway, they already use an old ww cookbook for some meals and she did go out and buy the scale by herself, so I'll continue to leave 'em be.

Looking back at my post, that was quite a rant. *shakes head* I guess it's still fresh in my mind.

Thank you, Amy8888.
She's good at small changes here and there and she kind of yo-yos with her weight, dropping here and gaining a little there, but her job helps her keep out of the obese range as she is standing or walking most of the time.
For about the past year or more she's been avoiding flour and sugar (and doing pretty good at it believe it or not, ) and she's done ww when she was my age.
I think it was the visit part, like you said, that probably upset me the most and the fact that all she seems to talk about is weight related issues or the job insecurity that we are both going through.

I don't know. But as long as you guys don't think I should do anything else, I think I'll just keep doing my thing and be open to answering questions.

Thank you guys, that was really bugging me.

i am sorry, u were great for trying to help.

But maybe after see how you loose, they will pay more attention to the plan. some people need to see the succes stories, and if is you will be influencing.

Bless

It's like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

When we hit on something great that we know will benefit others as well, we get all enthusiastic and want to bring them in with us ... and it's so disappointing when they don't respond. At this point, you need to do some self-care and let your mom and dad take care of themselves. Hopefully they will come around, but if they don't, the best thing you can do for 'you' is just keep doing what you know is right for your own health and well-being.

(((HUGS)))

They started it after all.

Thanks for letting me vent back then, I think it was mostly blowing off steam from a missed visit .

But yeah, I backed off completely. Left all my things there and said not a word. They've both lost at least 10 pounds so far.



They've always been healthy-minded, they just haven't been good at putting those thoughts to a routine that they stick to. And I know better than to try and force a change, it's their lives but I'd like to see them stick around a lot longer than if they fall prey to weight-related illnesses. Much love to them and you all, and thanks again for the emotional support!

Yay!