Oh well so much for my wonderful menus I gained two pounds this week
But I did not have good eating over the weekend as I was completely undisciplined so I suppose that is to be expected.
I have a problem with sticking to healthy and productive food chioces (as they say) when I am less than happy. Further as my oven has broken, the week's planning went out of the window and I thought I could plan 'on the hoof' and that did not really work. So lessons all round.
Today I dont know what I am going to have for lunch. I am out from 10am until 10pm today. When I get in, late as it is, I shall have pasta, which is 7.5points for half the pack. I will also have a ww dessert which is 1.5. For breakfast I had a bagel (3.5) spread with low fat soft cheese 1 point and jam 1 point. I will take some rice in a tupperware thing for lunch I think, and maybe mix in some tuna and some kidney beans but I dont know how many points are in kidney beans. i will have to check.
Feeling a bit glum about it all. I think I have got woolley round the edges with my eating. I also detect that I have stopped really accepting myself for me as I am. I have subtly sneaked in to the mindset of 'better to be slim and light than fat and heavy'. So life has become a bit of a 'I HAVE to lose weight' thing. Guaranteed to grind me down. Especially when under that there is 'And I cant I just cant do this....' which is the sneaky fear. Do you know what I mean?
Hmmmmm. The truth is that I dont want to do this because I HAVE to, or because of anything anyone else (including 'society' ) says. But how to scalpel that out from my thoughts for what I want truely madly deeply for me????
I want, truly madly deeply, to be accepted for me, for me and who I am no matter what shape and size. And above all I want ME to accept me. Only when I love myself that much can I keep, easily, making the powerful food choices.
I dont have a punchline today, like 'and now I have typed that I know that I love myself enough to eat lettuce for lunch' or whatever. It helps to pause and reflect on these self image things though (for me any way). It is not a substitute for sticking to a good programme, but it helps me understand why sometimes it is hard to.
I have lost nearly 30 lbs all in all since I started posting here on this board. That was last august. Not bad! I am glad to be 30 pounds lighter.
Love to everyone - oh by the way fromage frais is a sort of soft cheese a bit like very mild yoghurt. It is good in soups or to cook with (and some people I know use it a lot in desserts).
love
Lilac