Fallen WW Leader back to be a real "loser"

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  • Alright -- I am Canadian and was a WW leader for a couple of years. Divorce hit and I piled on the weight -- plus about 10 pounds. It was horribly depressing to go back to meetings -- just thinking someone might "recognize" me. Amazing how wonderful they have been though. I have been back a couple of times since my WW leader days and managed to stay for a couple of months and then fall back into old habits.

    I really need a kick in the behind and some support from you wonderful folks!

    I have decided that I'm an emotional eater...I eat when I'm happy, sad, depressed, excited, stressed, sleepy, awake! ha ha...pretty much ANYTIME! I know all the things that I could be doing, but do I do it? NOOOOOOOOOOO. I make those excuses and continue to nosh and tell myself, "tomorrow", "next time", "next Monday", "after you buy groceries", "when the kids are out of the house"....and the list goes on.

    I also reasoned with myself that my ex didn't like it when I was skinny (but then he didn't like it when I packed on the pounds either). Then the divorce (sort of like armor -- if I'm heavy then I don't have to deal with the guys coming on to me :-) It just never ends.

    Lately I've been afraid for my health...of having a heart attack and being here all on my own with no one to be here to "save" me.It hurts walking down stairs, and I hate to exercise. I have to start somewhere -- so it might as well be reaching out for some help! Here, I can say things that I wouldn't dare say in a WW meeting -- all those "inside" thoughts. I thank you all for listening and I would appreciate any support that you can offer me.

    I'm not thinking numbers (ok, sure I am), but I want to focus on how I feel, and how clothes look on me, and the more positive things. Weight-wise I am aiming for about 45 to 50 pounds. I know that it may seem little to some of you and HUGE amounts to others -- but then that is the number that I am personally looking at. Who knows, maybe after 30 I'll be laughing. I just want it go keep going down!

    Ok...enough blabbing.... I welcome all your words of wisdom! I hope to be courageous enough to keep at it and keeping you all posted!

  • Congrats on rejoining!! It sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope that this time works out better for you. I encourage you to explore the boards. There is a lot of good information here. I know that 3FC is a big part of my success so far. I still have a long ways to go, but I don't think I would be this far without this board.

    Good luck to you! You've done it before. I know you can do it again. If challenges are your thing the spring challenge is in full swing. Come on over and join.
  • Welcome Elan!!! I'm so glad you decided to get BACK on program!!

    I'm not a former leader, but I'm a lifetime member who lost 62lbs and maintained for almost 3 years... then divorce hit ME, plus depression, plus I lost my job, plus I alienated my friends... the list goes on. I TOO know I'm an emotional eater now, whereas I thought BEFORE that I didn't use food when I was feeling anything negative... only positive. Boy did I discover the opposite!! It's good though, we've both learned something from our experiences

    I too am not thinking numbers right now (ok, just a wee bit) and am focusing more on health, eating well nutritionally and being aware of whether I'm eating because I'm hungry or for some other reason. It's made a huge difference in how I feel about myself. The weight will come off, but right now the number on the scale is NOT what I'm going by (in fact, I have a new relationship, and I asked my boyfriend to hide the scale from me... I just don't want to be tempted!).

    I've got at least 60lbs to get back to goal again and with the support from these lovely ladies here I am SURE I will get there! You too!!!!
  • Thanks All! What a great welcome! I had my first weigh-in this morning and I'm down 2.4! YEAH!!! I actually didn't think it was moving at all, but it did. I know I have to drink my water -- and that veggie soup is amazing (I think it saved me this week for sure!).

    It's nice to know that there is the support here! I thank you for replying and giving me even more encouragement! You are great!
  • Welcome CalgaryElan - Many of us consider this our in between meeting place. Where we stop in for incentive, support and all other things needed in between. There are many here who are do it from home too. Stop by frequently and let us know how you're doing. Good and bad. Somebody always seems to have just the right thing to say and suggest.
  • Thanks Laura! I think the hardest thing is -- the embarrassment of being a "fallen" leader and then coming back. When I go to weigh in, I feel like I've been "bad" and I should be punished. It's like "how could you have let this happen????" My leader is fantastic and I am sure that it's all in my mind. So much of this weight loss stuff is so mixed with emotions. I know what I'm supposed to do, yet I don't do it. Then I have to wonder why????

    Brutal Honesty here ---> So much of my weight loss fears are based on things like:
    1. having to buy new clothes at my smaller size (and yes I know I can buy second hand, but when you lose that much weight you want NEW NEW NEW!)
    2. facing men with my NEW body (heck, I have a hard enough time dealing with men in the first place, never mind being smaller) -- need I mention how worried I am about if my skin is going to sag and how my belly is going to look after I lose my weight???? Will my wrinkles on my face look like craters because my chubby cheeks fill them out a bit right now???
    3. learning how not to be a recluse (because I do want to go out there and do all those fun things -- but really I am not athletic, can't run worth a darn, my body hurts, etc.)

    Yesterday was my first official "meeting". I stayed for the newbies group so I could hear about the new program. It sounded like my leader wants all of us to do CORE. MY heavens! I don't know when I am full -- to me, CORE is just so foreign. I would eat until I exploded and then say, "I think I ate too much". When I said this, she looked at me like I was an idiot. I was thinking to myself -- they give you TWO programs so you can choose....what's wrong with FLEX??? It worked for me this week and I'm doing it again this coming week. But...the underlying issue is, why is she pushing CORE? Then I feel all defensive. (issues...issues and more issues!)

    Tomorrow...a new day. *sigh*
  • Hi Elan, I felt that my leader was pushing Core too. She said that is what we need to do is eventually eat on Core. I explained to her I wasn't ready for Core, I might as well give up now. Needless to say I changed meetings and wow, what a difference. The leader at the new meeting isn't striving for perfection, she wants it to be our lifestyle and wants us to progress as we feel we need to. She is so much more real.
    Good luck to you and remember some people like to control others. Maybe making everyone go on Core is a control issue.
    I remember when I started my journey, I couldn't even walk more than a block without having to sit down or rest. I just walked a block until I could make it past that. I figured it was better than not moving. I started to run once I got to 200 pounds.....I really thought I would never do it. Now I am running. I finally realized it was baby steps that I needed. It didn't matter to me that someone else could run 10k and weighed 230. I knew I couldn't but now I can. This is your journey and you need to do what works best for you.
    Have a wonderful day.
  • Pushing Core
    Thanks for your words of wisdom! I too feel it's more of a control issue with CORE (or pushing core that is). I have a friend that loves Core...and it works for her! As for me, I don't know what it's like to "feel" hungry, or "eat until you are satisfied". One day I will, but for now, I'm doing the Flex program.

    Good for you for running! WOW! I hear it's great for your body -- mind u for me I don't think I would ever find a sports bra that would hold in the ""girls"
  • Never tried CORE because Flex works great for me. Go with the program you want, as you are the one who has to work it, not your leader. And, there are TONS of meetings -find a leader you "click" with (but you already know that, you leader you...)
    Listen, you don't know how inspiring you are!!! You have recognized that you need a change and have got back to a program that works for you. Instead of being embarrassed/ashamed/etc., you should be proud of yourself because you have demonstrated that you are human, that life happens, and that we ALL have the strength to recognize our demons and deal with them. You give validity and relevance to the program. It clearly isn't easy for you, and your strength strengthens ALL of us. Thank you!!!
  • I couldn't do Core because, if I stopped eating when I was full, I wouldn't be here!

    I had a hard time with meetings because I thought they were demotivating.

    I prefer the WW online option- menus, recipes, point calculator, recipe calculator...
  • Our leader says Core is how you want to eat when you get to maintenance. She talks about the getting in tune with your body and how hungry you are and all that. She says that but still does flex, so there you go. I thought Core would be ideal, eat as much as you want, but immediately my silly body/mind would be craving whatever wasn't on the list, so I stick with Flex. My problem is the same old song everybody's heard, when I track/journal I do good when I don't, I don't. Ok, I'm going to start a tracker tomorrow and that's that!!

    thanks for the inspiration
  • Hey Elan,
    In order to run, just wear two or three bras at once. It works wonders.
  • Hi Elan and everyone else. Firstly, I think it's harder for a former leader to come back as they seem to expect more from themselves and feel more ashamed of gaining weight back. I am a lifetime member and it's been a long time since I've seen my goal weight. I can't even tell you how many times I have re-started WW, but this time is IT for me and I shall do it and stay there. I want the same for you.
    I was on CORE and will go back to it again sometime, but for now I am doing FLEX. One thing I can say is that, on CORE, the food is so very good for you BUT (why is there always a but???) I get bored and when I am bored that is when I pass through the kitchen and food just pops into my mouth... a bad habit. When I am doing FLEX and journalling I am more aware of what I am eating and will think twice before popping things in my mouth.
    I have hung my head in shame (not literally, but you know the feeling) when I re-joined WW and yet they were (as they always are) so understanding and forgiving.
    You have to learn to forgive yourself. You've been through a great deal of stuff and you will find yourself again and like yourself and if men notice you again, that's going to be OK too! Maybe by finally trying to lose weight, you are finally ready to take that step towards other relationships as well? Just a thought.
    My husband seems to appreciate me weather I am at my heaviest or at my skinniest. He's a good guy and I'm lucky.
    I have finally realized that it's make it or break it time for me. I am 52 and not getting any younger. I need to get slim and trim so that I can live longer and healthier. I still have not conquered the exercise thing, I just hate it and am not good at it.
    Take care, do the best you can!
  • It's really motivating to see how everyone is behind our "restarts!"

    I waffled with my decision to go back on a diet for fear of horrible, rotten, miserable failure and haven't really told anyone else I'm dieting because I don't want to fall off the wagon in front of an audience again, either.

    For sports bras, try Title Nine. You know it's a good sign when they rate their sports bras by barbells... I'm telling you, nothin' moves. Right now, that's the only part of my body that doesn't jiggle!
  • You all ROCK!!!
    WOW! Talk about great support (ok...and I wasn't meaning the bra's! but great tip for that one too!!! thanks for the brand though Lafayette! I'll look for it!)

    I so hear you all about us all being hard on ourselves -- especially when we re-start....and try over and over again! It's not that we don't "know" what to do! I don't know what it is that we sabotage ourselves. I'm the one that keeps poking down food and it's not someone holding my hands down and stuffing food in my mouth! (ok...maybe my mother is pretty close to that! ha!)

    I was talking to someone else about CORE -- so here you can eat all these great "God-made" foods -- but here's the thing, if it's 6 servings, I'll eat ALL six servings because don'tcha know...it's God-made! and it's a CORE food! So, I'm sticking to FLEX again this week. Maybe one day I'll be able to do Core. I do choose more CORE foods though. I am very conscious of that. I love the nutty taste of brown rice, and whole grain breads -- but again, I know I have problems with portion control, so someone giving me permission to "eat until you are full" -- I'd be EXPLODING!!!

    And "dieting in front of an audience" --WOW! how true that rings. I've been really quiet -- but of course people see what I'm eating and then of course they quizz me!

    Derrydaughter -- I too am a lifer -- but I know that as a lifer we put wayyyy more pressure on ourselves. It's that little "title" that makes me feel like I've done something horribly bad and I'm going straight to he!! I'm 48, so I understand the wanting to be healthy for me! I also know that I'm not very attractive with the extra weight (and no, don't get me wrong, I do love ME, but know that it would be a much more loveable ME without all the extra rolls! )

    Onward we go! And how did YOU all do over the weekend???