Reflections - Yet Another Long Post from me!
 

It's my two year anniversary of weight loss surgery today. And, a fabulous, interesting and unexpected two years it's been! Most things have been great and some have been disappointing, but I've never regretted having the LapBand put in for a second.

The biggest change has been in my outlook. I am a much more confident person now. I feel worthy most of the time. For years I felt as though I didn't deserve good things because I was fat. I was always "doing" for everyone, and taking very little time to make sure my needs were met. Heck, I didn't even know what my needs were!

I'm not nearly as nice as I used to be. You know how when someone says or does something that's really stupid and you bite your tongue not to say whatever comment first pops into your head? I don't bite my tongue too much anymore. I've surprised myself a number of times since surgery by blurting out the comments I used to keep to myself. I attribute this to more self worth and confidence, but it could just be old age! Surprise, it's kind of fun being an occasional crumudgeon. :devil:

As for weight loss - I wish it was more, but I'm also very happy to be where I am. Yeah, yeah, wishy washy, but true. I've lost about 90 pounds and my initial goal was to lose 120 pounds. The good news is that I have a lapband! Lapbands keep working as long as they're properly filled. So, slowly (very slowly) but surely, I'm losing. Of course, if I would actually diet, I'd lose weight much more quickly. Truthfully, I've never really dieted since I was banded. I've tried, but just lack the intestinal fortitude to do it - too many years of failed diets I think. The good thing is that I do make healthy food choices most of the time, and my band keeps me from eating too much. So I guess my plan is working, not quickly, but it's working.

The number one best thing about being banded has been my health. I'M HEALTHY! I work out like a fiend (and absolutely love it!), my blood work is amazing, my bones are wonderfully dense. :lifter:

I'm finally starting to see the changes in my body when I look in the mirror. It's taking my head a long time to catch up with my body. Part of that is probably because I still want to lose 30 pounds, but I'm working on acknowledging that I look damn fine (for a middle aged woman with short stubby legs, a big flabby belly and batwings)! Oops, still got to work on that one!

My next goal is to start looking into a tummy tuck. I'm hoping that I can have it done in 2007. My weight should be down and stable and hopefully I can figure out a way to afford it, since I think there's no way insurance will cover it.

So, thanks for your support in this journey my WLS friends! What a long, strange trip it's been.

Chickadee

Well said my friend, it is always a work in progress and you have done an amazing job of transformation. I hope you lose the 30 lbs but if you don't you are still an amazing woman with a whole lot to offer the world!
-L

I love reading your posts Chickadee. I love the courage behind your honesty and I love how positive you are. I'm sure you've faced your own demons along the way.

I most especially found your comments about doing for others and not even knowing what YOUR needs really were so revealing. Its like we kept ourselves out of focus and blurry inside and out as a kind of protection. Cause to bring ourselves into sharp focus was just too painful.

You've done so well staying true to what you most needed throughout this process and it sounds like you've struck a true balance within.

Congratulations on doing such a fine job.

oh YEAH!!!! chickadeedeedear - you are my hero!!!!! i'm so proud of you and so happy for you!!!!

and hubs - the head work is the worst. we didn't get this way simply by eating. there was something dRIVING us to it... and we have to figure out why and figure out how to live differently. THAT'S the real challenge...

The Dr. I have that just did my Lap RNY has a seminar each month that's mandatory before even meeting with him. He said that for RNY it's about 18 months until you should reach your goal (or will take up to that long) but he also does Lap Bands adn said that it's up to 3 years for bands. Just thought I'd let you know so that you don't get discouraged on the last 30 or so. Hugs to you!

Thank you for sharing, I found what you said very encouraging. I'm being banded on April 25, tomorrow and am nervous and was having second thoughts about whether it was all really worth it. But reading what you wrote has assured me that the lap band is exactly what I want. I don't want to lose lots of weight quickly, I want to know I will lose weight steadly. Being able to eat like a normal person and actually lose weight has always been my dream, hopefully the band will now enable me to achieve this goal. Once again thank you for sharing.

I've learned so much from you chick! I'm not banded yet (May 12th is the big day - no pun intended) Keep sharing your story. It helps us newbies as much as it helps you!

This is a little bit off the subject, but I was just think yesterday how certain life changes teaches us alot about ourselves. I was thinking with every job change, with each child, with every move we make as a family I learn tremendous things about myself. Some are positive and some not so positive. Some I wish I could do all over again, but if I did, I would never know the things I know about myself. Like I said, a bit off topic, but your comment about finding yourself and your needs reminded me of that conversation with myself.

Even through this weightloss journey I'm learning alot about myself. For instance, this is the first time I've stuck past 2 weeks on any excercise plan. I've been going to the gym now for 4 months. Compared to some execercise gurus on here I don't go much, just twice a week, but I'm just flabbergasted that I don't mind going as much as I thought I did. I did learn that I can't do it without someone pushing me. That's not a bad thing, just means having an excercise buddy is what does the trick for me.

We make mistakes in life and we do great things in life, but through it all we should revel in the fact that we would not have learned who we are if not for the experiences we have gone through.

Chick, you are very strong willed!! A nice breath of fresh air to people like me!! I couldnt get a lap band or have a bypass, so losing this weight "on my own" has been a very long and FOREVER going journey!! I started dieting and exercising back in September 2004. So thats what?....19 months of sheer ****!!! I have gone up and down, but I did manage to lose 86 lbs so far. But I thought that I would never get this far!! I have wanted to quit so many times now!! Ya know? Just give up because its been soo long. But, reading your posts keeps me motivated to not give up!! I know that in the long run, it is worth it!! So, thanks for your words!! Maybe someday, I can be as much of an inspiration to others as you have been to me!! Way to go, and keep up the great work!!! You'll get there!! And as far as the tummy tuck goes....I have finally gotten down enough in weight, the doc says I can have it done!! I go in at the end of june for my TT. If you have any questions about it, lemme know. I will tell ya what I've been told so far and be happy to exchange emotions and thoughts with ya!!! :-)

Thanks for all your comments ladies! It is a wonderful process to discover who you really are underneath all the layers. I love this forum and love that you appreciate my posts. But trust me, I get way more than I give here! You all rock!

Chickadee

What a wonderful post Chick, you are my hero too (and you know it). 90 lbs is really awsome for some one not dieting lol. YOU GO GETEM!!!

Hugs and Kisses to you !!!