OK, long story, but I'll try to keep it relatively short!

DD & I went to MIL's for a family birthday...DH & DS couldn't go along as they were STILL working on our roof. Anyway, I had not mentioned to anyone that I was making some major changes in my life regarding my health and weight. This was a conscious choice because I do not view what I'm doing as a diet....it's a new way of life....so why announce to everyone that I'm dieting?

DD & I walk in and put the salad we brought in the fridge. My fabulous SIL is sitting at the table with a couple cousins and G-Gma. I hear one cousin say to my SIL something about my weight, but I didn't catch it all (it sounded good though!). When I turned around this cousin asked if I'd lost weight, then told me how fabulous I looked and keep up the great work, etc. Now my SIL has also lost about 50 pounds over the last 6 months with WW, so she is also rooting for me! The problem comes in with my MIL, who has ALWAYS been a very jealous person in every conceivable way....jealous of your house, car, job, clothes, everything. She's a real "keep up with the Jones's" type person. MIL is standing over near the sink (large kitchen) and hears the conversation and just gives one of her ever encouraging (not) Hhmpf!'s. She's needed to lose weight for at least 15 years, and hasn't had anything good to say since SIL started losing in April. I didn't expect her to have a positive attitude toward me either, but she's just downright nasty.

Now, granted, she didn't know I'd been losing weight as I hadn't seen her. But she did know about SIL and how hard she's been working at it, and yet when it was time to eat, the only healthy thing there was the salad I brought. Her buffet was lined with sloppy joes, corn pudding, scalloped potatos, green been casserole, french bread and potato salad. Topping those off were full fat cream puffs, apple pie, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and cookies.

I did know that the food would probably be like this, so I planned accordingly. Ate a healthy snack before going there, ate a good sized salad before hitting the rest of the buffet, and then only took a dab of this and that, including sloppy joe meat without the bun. I also had dessert so I wouldn't have to listen to her, but I had about a 3/4" x 1 1/2" slice of carrot cake, icing removed, not a whole peice. This also made her day and she made yet another comment.

MIL will whine and carry on about how she just can't lose weight, but these are the foods she surrounds herself with daily. Yes, I used to eat them more often, too, but still not daily, or even weekly!

OK, long-winded enough! How do you handle these people?

Ignore it. I know easier said then done, but I also have family like that and no matter what you do or say they are never going to admit any wrong doing on their part. You did wonderfull to take a healthy item and eat smart instead of eating all the bad stuff. Keep up the good work!! My family finds out when I am trying to lose weight and sabotage me. They bring out donuts, danish, anything they know I really love AND leave it here! I tell them take it they refuse.
To me it just means you are looking good and she is jealous.
Good job miss 22 pound down!!

I also have a very unsupportive family member. I try my best to ignore her and actually am to the point now that I see her comments as humorous. Me and DH get a good laugh out of her. I saw her on Sunday and she said "you look good sis" and then added "but you look so weak". LOL. Any compliment she has ever given, always has to have a negative added to it. I just said, thanks, "no, I'm not weak, I feel great". I'm in the best physical shape that I have been in about 30 yrs. so I just let her comments roll right off my back.

I agree, I think the _easiest_ way to handle it is to just deal with YOU and forget the rest. Answer politely and try not to let the rest get through. People like that have years of practice and you trying to reason with them (if you attempted to try) probably wouldn't work anyway.

The best medicine is to keep on truckin. If/when you spend time with people like this, pretend you have a bubble around you and that they aren't allowed in. You did a good job handling it! You were prepared and that helps. Good for you!

~Angie

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. My aunt is the same way - everything is her vs whoever. When I lost five pounds, her son's wife lost 15. When there's no way to compare, it becomes a matter of downplaying my success. It used to bug me, but I can't let it anymore. No matter what happens, she's just insecure and needs to boost herself up. Rather than sharing my successes with her or her family (who also seem to have the same problems some times) I turn to theirs. For ex : After I had my second daughter, I'd lost quite a bit of weight. My aunt made a comment about it, and rather than letting it become an issue I redirected to something that was going on with her kids at the time. She'd given me my praise, and didn't want to tear me down. When she gets pissy, just talk about your SIL. I'm sure she'd be happier to talk about her daughter than silly ole you.

Aside from that...Wow! What a sprawl of food! Maybe MIL hasn't had her AHA! moment that she's making herself fat.

Lilybelle

My mom has always done this too. She'll give someone a compliment and then she says something negative to counter it with. Times that I've brought it up to her and told her she's done it, she gets REAAAAAAAAAAALLLY angry and denies that what I say is true.

You look great by the way, not weak at all!

~ Angie

First of all congrats on your weight loss and your compliment. I don't know what I would do, I would probably say something along the lines of "losing weight is hard work, If I KNEW 15 years ago that I COULD do it I would have". Then I would ask if they wanted to know how I did it.

I had to stop ignoring MIL's comments because of her I hit a huge downward spiral, She took care of my kids for me for free so I felt obligated to take it. Then one day I took all I could and said thanks but.....(fill in the blank with I am not a bad mother, wife, housekeeper, person, idiot,)......I don't see the in-laws as much as I used to I now pay a babysitter to watch my kids. It hasn't stopped all the nastiness I get, but I feel better.

Thanks Abbeycat, I feel great.

Thank you all. I knew if I needed a boost this was the one place where the members can always count on each other! I guess in some twisted way it also helps to know that we are not alone.....it seems most people have at least one of "these" people in their families or lives. DH has had his fill of her as well, and says to avoid/ignore her. Sad that a son feels this way about his mom. Typically, however, she doesn't show her fangs in front of him, only slightly snarls!

Thank you for the compliments, I feel better right this very moment than I have in 14 years. Whew...it was a longer time frame than I realized!

Lilybelle....you look anything but weak. I think you look healthy and fabulous, and many times I go to your before and after photos for that quick bit of inspiration and motivation!

Altari.....my MIL also has the same condition as your aunt. Do they just need to 'one-up' you all the time? No matter what is wrong, she's had the same thing, only worse. If she can't compare your ailment to hers, then she just switches to her current one all together. Very much a hypocondriac, and we've tried to ignore that for years thinking it would tone down, but we were wrong! It grows a bit everyday!

Again, thank you!

Hi,

Lol. Maybe every family enjoys a very kind relative like that. It's funny when you think about it, but no so funny when you are in front of one of them. One of my sisters is exactly like that... or worse . I went to buy a dress with her for the bautism of my niece (her second daughter) and when she saw me she didn't say anything for a moment. Her disgusted face was better than 1,000 words so I knew the dress really suited me . When she notice she had to said something she said " It doesn't look TOO bad but when you gain one pound you will look dreadful". I only smiled and said "I don't think so. I love it". Sometimes she's like vinegar but is my (bitter)sweet sister after all .

Yeah, everybody has SOMEBODY in their family who is h3ll-bent on being angry, salty, jealous, or insecure. Maybe if we think of how amusing it might be to exploit those negative traits and put them in a sit-com ... ... seriously, though, you can't let them get under your skin.

Kelly, thanks. It is helpful to know that we all face these similar family issues and support each other where family sometimes fail us.