Hi everyone,

I don't say much, but I read these boards every day and try to struggle along quietly with my weight loss (or lack thereof). I know the majority of my issue is simply willpower -- I make bad choices and have a hard time following through with what I need to do in order to lose the weight. I've been hovering between 200 and 210 for about a year now (I'm 5'4").

My sister's wedding was Sunday, and I just had the pictures that I took developed. I'm in a few, and I'm ashamed of how I look. I thought my dress was cute and that I actually looked nice...until I saw the pictures. It's so strange. I can look at myself in the mirror and think I look okay...yes, I'm overweight, but I have a nice smile, nice eyes, good hair. And then I look at a picture, and I don't see any of it. I see the double chin, the nose that always looks too long in pictures although it really doesn't look that way in 3-D, the fat, the fat, the fat.

I want to hide. I want to cry. I want to get this darn weight off and look NORMAL.

Every day I start out thinking, "Okay, today I'll do this...it's a new start, I'll just DO it." And every night I look back and feel like I blew it. It's depressing, and I need to find a way to get past whatever is eating at me that I just can't seem to shake.

I've attached a picture. I'm not sure why. Maybe someone can see something that I don't.

I'm not even sure if I'm asking for suggestions, help, or what here. I just know that somehow I need to stop making excuses and start making changes, or I'm just going to become and older, fatter me. And I really don't want that.

On the upside, I'm 33 years old in this picture -- I'll be 34 in January. I don't think I look it. LOL

You do look cute. You have great eyes and a fantastic hair color....and no you dont look 34.

Have you ever heard your voice on an answering machine? Dont you sit there and say "I dont sound like that" and everyone says you do? Does that mean you have a horrible voice and just didnt know it? Pictures are like that...when we look at them we have a skewed image of what is actually there. We tend to be our own worst critics. I saw a picture of me tickling my son....looking back the angle was not flattering to start with, but to my eyes, i looked like a hawk that ate 3 watermelons, and was trying to stuff a baby in on top of it all. Many people find pics of themselves a motivating factor.

You know what stands out first in that picture? Your cheekbones-they're fabolous and a gift you can only get if your lucky. Focus on what you do like in that picture-the eyes, the smile, etc.

I hate my nose (although that has to do with this girl in 5th grade telling me everyday I'd be pretty if it wasn't for my nose) and I think my face is too round, but I really like my eyes, my smile, and my collarbone so I focus on that.

I know it's hard...I went through the same thing with the mirror looks a lot better than the picture issue and ultimately that's what lead to my journey.

I have been struggling with weight for years. 195...boy do I need to lose. 205...nothing fits anymore. 215... help!!! You finally have to decide this is the time to do it. Until you do you will lose a few, gain a few, lose a few, gain a few more. Once you REALLY decide this is what you want (I refuse to do another family reunion next summer looking like a whale in a sweat shirt trying to hide my fat.) for whatever reason, you will find you stop making excuses and that it is not nearly has impossible as you thought.

I think it's a good picture, good smile, fabulous hair. You sound like me 2 years ago - I weighed about 200 lbs, I was completely miserable. I fantasized constantly about being thin, I had all these grandiose plans how I was going to lose weight. I was going to be PERFECT, I was going to eat just this or just that, I was going to join the gym, I was going to run every day. I was never able to be perfect, so I would try for a day, or two days and then blow it, feel like a failure, and go back to what comforted me - food.

I finally realized I was a perfectionist freak and I couldn't be "perfect" because to me, the perfect diet meant an unpleasant, hungry, unsatisfying, starving experience (plain lettuce with a squeeze of lemon, nothing good). I couldn't stick with it (no one could stick with it) and when I failed I took it as a personal failure instead of a "hey, who can eat plain lettuce all day?"

What worked for me was finding healthy foods I actually liked and looked forward to eating. Instead of diet as punishment, it became eating as reward - taste, weight loss, long term health.

It's funny, after 20 years of dieting, being miserable and failing, I was successful when I started eating. 70 lbs lost, nearly 2 years of maintenance. I was 35 when I started.

Find what works for you. I mean, really works for you. What makes you happy, satisfied and you can stick with it.

I soooooo understand what you are going through. I also had a little breakdown after seeing photos of me at a friends wedding in Nov. 05. I was thinking at the time, wow, i look pretty good! you know, a little chubby, but not too bad otherwise, then the photos came! EEEK! That was my turning point. I also felt like you, that I had absolutely NO willpower, that was always the diet problem, the will power. So then I really started researching weight loss, getting excited and motivated about it, and most importantly got a plan. I just decided to do something simple, I counted Weight Watchers points. I knew exactly what was expected of me, so it made it much easier to know what was ok and what wasn't, I found it wasn't so much the lack of will power before, but the denial about what I was really putting in my mouth. Anyway, maybe my point is sometimes it takes an "event" like seeing photos to snap you into reality and become motivated. Make this your motivation, And btw, you are beautiful, Dont stress in the meantime

I can also relate to what you're going through with wedding pictures. I was recently a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding. In fact, that was WHY my weight loss journey began. I saw the dress that his fiancee had picked out, and I thought "oh gosh, I have got to lose some weight!"

I did lose some, and I fit into a smaller dress than I'd been able to wear in years. But when the pictures came back, my eyes went straight to all the things I hated about myself first, giving me no time to notice how nice my new single chin looked, or how sexy (that's right, I said it!) my new collarbones were.

I think the key here (without sounding like I'm blaming society or trying to avoid culpability for my own weight problem) is that we live in a society that does not encourage us (especially as women) to be very kind to ourselves. We're taught to strive for perfection rather than progress, and therefore when we fail to achieve perfection, we beat ourselves up as "failures" and we neglect the things that are GOOD about ourselves.

You are a beautiful woman! You don't have to feel ashamed of yourself and you don't need to apologize for the way that you look. You are you, just as you are... this is who you are and where you are... This is not to say that you are happy with yourself, or that you should just say "screw it, I'm not changing", but just to illustrate that the key to loving yourself (no matter what size you are) is self-acceptance. You should be able to genuinely say to yourself: this is me...this is who/what i am, and i'm working on it. I'm not embarrassed by myself anymore!

Good luck. I think you're beautiful!

Thank you, everyone, for your responses...a little understanding goes SUCH a long way, and knowing that other people have been there mentally helps.

You are focusing on negative thoughts.

Take another look at the picture.

What I see first is your smile. You are BEAMING. I smiled when I saw your smile.

Your dress IS beautiful. Your hair is shiny and pretty. YOU are pretty.

We are so hard on ourselves. I'm not sure what causes us to treat ourselves so poorly. If I could figure that out, I'd be a gajillionaire!

Here's the thing...we are all different. Embrace your beauty. Forget about the negativity. Everyone (including the skinny) hates something about her appearance.

You look fabulous, and that's without airbrushing/plastic surgery/photoshop editing.

Enjoy who you are RIGHT NOW. Anything that comes later is just a bonus.

PS: I got married last year. I cried when I saw my pictures. I think I know how you feel. The self-bashing won't help.

fl chickie - I am a photographer and I have done a couple wedding in my day...using flash inside a dark church no one looks good in photos. As a pro I have to retouch every bride...and mess with the lighting/highlights/shadows all on the computer...Its just a horror story waiting to happen. Do you have any photos of you outdoors? Those are bound to be more true to the beauty you are! Everyone has good and bad pictures don't let this string of unflattering ones make you feel bad. You felt good about yourself and no matter what the scale says or the measuring tape reads that is what we all really want!