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Old 09-13-2006, 08:30 AM   #1  
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Unhappy I don't know if I'll ever find it...

Hey girls. I wasn't sure quite where to post this, but I think this might be the forum for it. And you'll have to excuse the typing and grammar, because I've been up for 2 days with the baby, so I apologize.

Ok...So here's my issue. I don't think I will ever be happy with the way that I look. For some reason there seems to always be something that knocks me down. And it doesn't even have to be anything big. I don't know if anyone caught the last thread I wrote about people saying they didn't recognize me. I'm still bothered by that! Now tell me that's not ridiculous.

My husband and I had a talk about it last night, and I have some serious self confidence issues. And to be honest, I really don't know how I can give myself the confidence I need. I've had weight issues that were always the topic of the family, since I was little, like fourth grade. I don't think I ever noticed how much the way my family treated me effected the way I looked at myself until now.

So what I'm asking is how do you get self confidence? How do you look yourself in the mirror and like what you see? How do you enjoy the weight that you lost without feeling like you will always need to lose more?

Please help girls, I feel like I'm in such a sad place....

Thanks,

Carrie
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Old 09-13-2006, 08:48 AM   #2  
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Hmm, that is a tough one. Maybe you should get some counselling about it. I can relate to some extent though. I lost 100 pounds before and i still felt fat. Well i was still fat, at 193 pounds but compared to being over 300 when i started i should have been insanely happy. Instead all i could think about was if i lost 45 more then i would be happy. And even after losing all that weight, i still had this gosh aweful hanging skin so i wouldnt have been happy even if i lost the other 45 because of the dang skin hanging there. So at least this time around i know to appreciate where I am and look forward to where i want to be. I dont know if therapy can help with that but it might be worth the try.
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Old 09-13-2006, 01:56 PM   #3  
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I definitely have a little self esteem issues as well.. my solution? Fake it! When I was like, 14 I realized that people like to be around you if you feel good about yourself. Fake it until you make it, and I guess I do feel fairly okay about myself, even if my weight issues get me feeling really down sometimes. I make lists from time to time about what I like about myself, it sounds cheesy, but it helps to be positive rather than negative.

It'll come with time, and if this is a new body to you.. of course it'll take time. Think about when you start something new, you aren't confident right away.. it takes time.

-Aimee
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Old 09-13-2006, 02:06 PM   #4  
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I reached the goal that I set for myself and still find myself thinking "just 10 more lbs." and I'll be happier. I realize that I've came a long ways but I still don't think my body is perfect. It never will be. I am trying to do more toning now and less weight losing. I try to tell myself positive things while looking in the mirror. At least , I don't cry when I see myself now. I am 46 yrs. old and should realize the teenage body I once had is a thing of the past.
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Old 09-13-2006, 03:40 PM   #5  
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I can totally relate with all that you are saying! When I first started this I thought if I can weigh 160 I will be like Pam Anderson and then when I reached 160 I realized I still had more weight to lose but surely by 145 I will be there. I am currently 143 and still now think that I need to lose anywhere from 8-13 more pounds. I think talking about it with someone would really help. I have my sister-in-law who has been doing this with me from the beginning and I honestly could not of got through it without her. Maybe you could team up with someone. As far as self esteem goes I don't know how you get it. I remember being heavy and having more self esteem then I do now at times. It is just something you have to work on and train yourself to see the positve instead of the negative. It is hard and for all those ladies with great self esteem I envy you. I hope you start feeling better! For goodness sakes though you have to know that losing 72 pounds is a huge accomplishment and nobody handed you it you worked for it so right there it shows you are a strong, determined,motivated,disciplined,hard working person. Have a good day and try and look on the bright side of things!
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Old 09-13-2006, 04:41 PM   #6  
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Even at 127 lbs, I still feel heavy in a bathing suit. I wonder if it's because I'm a real, 37 year old woman and my body will never look like the sleek Sports Illustrated swimsuit model's body that I dreamed of for so long. I think the media sets us up with unrealistic expectations some time. I always wanted to be SLEEK -with a flat tummy, with a sparkly belly button ring, look like the girls in all the pictures. I had to accept that I will NEVER look like that. I have loose skin on my belly from weight loss. It took awhile to come to "give up the dream" that I had for so long, that I would be able to look like an air brushed model in a bikini.

I did have to accept that it is still MY body, just smaller. I still think my thighs are big, I still don't like my stomach. I am shaped exactly how I was when I was heavier, I am just smaller.

It took a long time before the I didn't see the fat girl in my head in the mirror. I used to grab clothes to try on and I would always get a bigger size, I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I was a size 8. I'm still surprised occasionally when I take my shirts out of the dryer - they are so small, they fold up SO SMALL, they don't look like they could be my shirts.

It is funny, once I quit obsessing over my fat rolls in pictures, how I started obsessing about other flaws. Like my nose, I never thought about my nose before I lost weight, in pictures all I can see is how big my nose is. Did my nose change? No, I just think I have a tendency to be self critical.
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Old 09-13-2006, 05:04 PM   #7  
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Ahhh, the self love issue. I watch so many beautiful women wasting precious time and energy being unhappy with their physical self. Unbelievable shame! I was considered sexy by many weighing a heafty 240lbs. You know why? I THOUGHT I WAS SEXY. I know I'm a big girl, I always have been. I get disgusted at times like everyone else. Does it ruin my day? No. I wasted all of my teens and the majority of my 20's obsessing about how thin I'd have to get to be happy. Bunch of crap, I say. It took literally years to change my mind set. Alot of gaining and losing just to remember or see a pic when I was thinner and think back on how disgusted I felt with myself then....when I was 30 lbs lighter then at that moment. I kept coming back to how illogical it all was! Unahppy at this weight, really unhappy at that weight...YO YO!! Finally I said enough. My worth is not based on a weight or a size..PERIOD. True to form, once I loved me weight loss walks hand in hand with self love. I now can happily focus on my accomplishments which is centered toward a healthy, long, HAPPY life. (And I look alot better too!)
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Old 09-13-2006, 05:29 PM   #8  
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I used to think self-affirmation was hokey...until a therapist made me do it. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself how proud of you you are for coming as far as you have, and how wonderful it is to be healthier, stronger, and in better shape then you have been in a while. Post post-its on your mirrors to remind you.

Yes, it sounds lame, but it WORKS. After a while of feeling really dumb talking to yourself in the mirror, you'll start to believe it.

A couple hints on developing what you are going to say...focus on positive aspects only (no "You would be really pretty/healthy/thin if...." messages). For example "Carrie, you are healthier than you have been in 6 years" or "Carrie, you are beautiful. Make sure not to use negatives (no, never, don't, nothing) etc. as your subconscious mind only hears the statement without the negative (so, for example "There is nothing wrong with my body" turns into "There is something wrong with my body" in your subconscious mind).

If you do this religiously...say, two or three times a day, after a while it'll stop feeling incredibly hokey and start sinking in. I don't know why, but it will (from experience!)
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Old 09-14-2006, 10:15 AM   #9  
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Wow, you've lost 70 pounds!!!! You should feel so proud of yourself for that. I used to have an issue with my self confidence too, but life is too short. There will always be someone who is thinner and prettier, not to mention younger than me. But I no longer care. I dress in clothes that I like no matter what anyone thinks. As far as mirrors go, I have learned not to be so critical of my flaws. My spare tires and my stretch marks are my badges of motherhood. I've earned them, LOL Besides, at almost 42, its not like I will really go out of the house without my clothes on. I went to the beach this summer and people watched. Very few women over 18 have perfect bodies. Most of us have bumps and cellulite and flabby arms or legs. Perfection doesn't really exist in the real world. Look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive everyday. In time, you will begin to believe in yourself. Congratulate yourself for all that you have accomplished, you have done a wonderful job!! Buy yourself something new. I spend alot of time at the local Goodwill store trying on jeans. Just yesterday I discovered that my fat butt actually fits into a size 8 and even some 7's in jeans. For me this a major accomplishment as I've been avoiding jeans for years in favor of stretch pants and pull on pants. You are a wonderful person, believe in yourself!!!
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