When others don't support you......
 

....I know I should be able to lose weight without support from others. I am currently 51 (soon to be 52) years old. I consider myself a "young" person, and people have told me I look like I am in my late 30's or early 40's. I am your typical yo-yo dieter, gaining and losing the same 20-30 pounds, over and over. I know that this is not healthy for me, but after going through menopause, it is even more difficult. A year ago, I went to WeightWatchers, and lost 25 pounds, in about 4 months. Everyone said, "you look great!!!" Everyone except my boyfriend of 5 years. He said "You are losing too much weight----your skin looks saggy!!!" I was so hurt by his comments. I asked everyone I knew, including my best friend, who never lies to me!!! She said that he is so wrong!!! I hate to admit it, but every time I even try to lose the 20 pounds I have gained, those words that he said come back to haunt me. I feel like I am sabotaging my weight loss efforts. How can I get past feeling this way and do this just for me? I mentioned over the week-end that I wanted to get back on track with my diet, and he just rolled his eyes. My doctor really wants me to do this to improve my health, also. I asked him one time, why did you have to say what you did and hurt my feelings? He said, "I never said your skin looked saggy, I just thought you were getting to thin!!" (liar) I need to do this for me, and not even discuss it with him. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Sue

Sue, if you and your doctor both feel you should lose the weight for your own health, then by all means do it. The BF will adapt to the thinner you as time goes on. Good luck. Come here often for support.

I think I would start by dumping the unsupportive and thoughtless boyfriend. Sounds like you deserve better.

my boyfriends has said i am becoming to obsessed with the whole weight loss thing. He doesnt like the way I am now, I am sure of it. But I am getting to where I want to be, for my own reasons, if he dont like it then he can get his face away from me.

Do the dieting for yourself, never for no one else. Its only you that can do it to get the results you so desire. Just think of that feeling, when your the way you want to be. Its more often than not what keeps me going!

Susan -

It sounds like your boyfriend might feel threatened by your weight loss. Possibly he's concerned that you will leave him once you're looking and feeling good about yourself. Talk to him and give him a chance to explain his comments. I hope you don't end a long-term relationship over a possible misunderstanding.

well i'm new so pardon me if this is rude but could he be insecure enough to think you would leave him if you got thin?

i know for me my husband prefers big women and i'm so scared as i lose weight that he won't be attracted to me any more.

If someone loves you, they love you for who you are, not your weight. You need to do what is right for you and your health, not because someone doesn't want you to change.

It's often our own insecurities that make us afraid of that. But if he loves you, it doesn't matter what size you are. My hubby prefers larger women too. But he didn't up and leave me when I decided to lose weight, or when I succeeded. He even supported me in it. In fact, HE admitted that HE felt insecure...thinking that all these guys would be attracted to me now and I'd leave him. LOL! But...we're still here, and the insecurities aren't. ;)

My husband didn't notice when I put on the weight (bless his skinny little heart), but he does feel threatened by me taking it off. Outwardly he is very supportive, but his subconscience is sabatoging us both. After a rough few days, (I finally told him I am dieting), we just don't talk about it. We will see what happens in the future but I binged for three days feeling guilty for his insecurities but decided tonight finally they will be there whether I am 209, 309 or 109, HE is going to have to deal with them not me.

Pardon me for jumping in without knowing more, as I'm new here, but I'm assuming the boyfriend is also 50-something?

No fifty-year-old man has any business talking about anything sagging on anybody.

Clearly he is insane.

Perhaps it's wise to take it with a grain of salt and move on. :dizzy:

Hi Sue (I am Sue too BTW). Yes it is much easier when you have 3D support... but WE will be your support and sounds as if you have an encouraging doctor too. Don't let you BF convince you not to do this if you need it for your health. Go for it!

My husband isn't UN-supportive but he does make his little comments here and there.. "You're losing too much weight".. "I can see the bones in your back"..."You're not getting anorexic are you??".. Mind you I was about 130 when we met, I'm now at 142 so it's not like he's never seen me smaller. Men do feel threatened when you lose weight. They can't understand that you're doing it for yourself and conjure up all kinds of crazy thoughts as to your motives. I say ignore them. It's not THEIR bodies as much as they love to think so. It's not their health or their self-esteem. It's YOURS!! Aside from reassuring him that you love him and only him and that this is something that you feel strongly about there's really nothing else you can do. If his behavior persists I would advise you to re-evaluate your relationship with this man. Good Luck!

Thanks!!!!!
 

....for all the messages of support. You guys are the best!!! Sue