Freakin holidays (warning, rant)
 

I hate 'em.

Everybody's getting together tomorrow for Labor Day and naturally there won't be one healthy thing to eat there. These people are all allergic to healthy food. I mean, if they see the word "light" on anything, they run screaming.

"What?! Light! Why did you buy light?! I'm not eating that crap!"

Everything is drenched in butter or laden in sauces or fried in oil or if pasta or mashed potatoes are made, a whole stick of butter is added in. I DREAD holidays and getting together with everyone.

Yes, I know, I could fix my own food and take it with me, but then everyone gets all pouty like I've completely insulted their intelligence. And then they get their feelings hurt AGAIN if I pull skin off of things or scrape sauce or stay away from certain foods because they're so high in fat or if I ask if there's any butter spray available instead of regular butter, etc etc etc.

Oh my gosh! I just asked for fat-free butter spray! I deserve to be shot!

And I know from the looks on some of their faces that they're sitting there watching me pull skin off of chicken or scrape spoonfuls of mayonnaise out of my potato salad thinking, "There goes miss priss again, she's too good to eat the kind of foods WE like."

I think tomorrow I'm going to mysteriously come down with something. I'm not going.

Hi Linda,
I know the feeling... I avoid holidays like the plague too. I work in retail so I always volunteer to work on holidays. Then I have the perfect excuse not to go to holiday things. It is a damn shame it comes down to that.

Yes, it really stinks. If everyone would just let me be and let me do what I want to do without getting their poor widdle feelings all out of sorts just because I want to eat healthy and they don't (I forgot to mention that many of these people are heavy) it wouldn't be so bad.

Tomorrow about noon I'm going to get a real bad stomach ache. Yep.

I just take my own food. I decided when I started not to give a flying **** what other people think about what I eat. And I still don't. I honestly wouldn't care if their feelings WERE hurt (who gets their feelings hurt because of what someone else EATS? *baffling*)

For cookouts, I take my own veggie burger and my own whole grain bun. I usually bring a fruit tray, as well. Since it's a social event, I usually take a few small tastes of yummy things I might want to try, but I make sure I fill up on the healthy food.

Does it seem to you that family members who are NOT in shape resent you for fixing your own shape? I get the same thing...and its much worse with my heavy set relatives who have made the decision to stay that way.....its almost like an intentional sabatoge i.e. "ill make her feel so bad that she will have to eat the crud i put out and call food...then maybe she will be fat again like me"...my thin relatives usually serve things I can eat...mostly because they have had to do the same things I have had to do to get thin in the first place.

family, gotta love 'em. I have a very supportive mother who keeps others away from me in those situations and makes sure there is a healthy selection. Thank you mom, I love you.

My over-weight relatives are the exact same way. They tend to tease me about all the junk they are eating and say "you can't have this can you". I just watch them stuff their fat little faces and think no, you shouldn't be eating it either, but whatever. I try to always take a salad and fruit tray so that I know there is at least something I can eat. I don't mind skipping their junk but I hate being taunted.

I would be greatly tempted to run my hands down my size 6 pants and say "you can't wear this, can you."

Glory, LOL, I've actually had my sister ask me to pull my jeans down and prove to her what size I wear. Size 4 thank you very much. Then she says, "well, I'm just bigger in the hips." Ha Ha, no sis, you're bigger all over. LOL. She has given me grief every since I got smaller than she is. My other sis is supportive, she works out and tries to keep her weight at a normal level and does a good job at it. The cruel sis tells me "I have gone overboard and am anorexic". I don't hardly think so.That's why I'm in here tonite,drinking water instead of giving in to my strong cravings for chocolate.

LOLOL!!! That's hilarious! It reminds me of a tv show I saw once, this female impersonator had been mugged. And when the cop was questioning this person, he asked the guy "ocupation?" and the guy responded "Being beautiful!" the cop then said, "that's not a job!", and the guy said, "Oh yes it is!"

LLV, I know how you feel. As hard as it will be, just ignore them and keep right on doing the "rite stuff".

Lilly, she's jelious. You look incredible, and you don't have to prove it to anybody. You KNOW you look good, and they can't stand it. It's competition, plain and simple. I've noticed that when I'm fat, the ladies in the office are nicer to me. the skinny ladies that it. when i trim down, they treat me differently. its competition for attention. we become a "threat" to them, in a way. eh, its just one way to look at it, anyway.

Wooooooooo! I'm gonna remember that one!

Thanks for all the input, ladies, glad to know I'm not alone. And yes, maybe they do resent me a little for leaving them all behind. I mean, I feel BAD that many of them are overweight (and I don't mean by just a few pounds, a few of them have to be over 300) and I wish they'd lose their weight too. But I'm treated much differently now than I used to be because I'm not one of their 'foodfest pals' anymore.

Linda,

You know how the occasional get-together becomes a chore? You know, junk and all just being on the main menu, it makes you wonder why you even bother? I feel that way all the time. I don't drink anymore, so cocktail parties are a no-no for me. Sometimes I feel like I should just bring plate of cucumber rounds with hummus, eat them without touching other people's crap and just leave. It's close to what I do now, actually. Not that you should do it, since you've got family and all. BUt I'm sure I know how you feel about these things.

The other ladies have great advice so I'm just sending hugs. I too know what it's like to be the "loony health nut."

Thanks, girls, I really appreciate your words :)

I guess I have a different take on things. I think it's possible that your overweight relatives (or officemates or friends, in a different situation) perceive your healthy eating and/or modification of the foods they've prepared as an affront, as if you're judging them for who they are, how they cook/eat and how they look. I'm NOT saying you're doing this (although based on the comments above, that seems to be the case), I'm saying they might experience it this way. And isn't being judged by these criteria one of the things WE hated when we were heavy and chose less healthy foods?

Regarding people being offended by what someone else does or doesn't eat, eating, esp. at holidays, is a communal experience. When someone's worked hard to prepare a meal, they want to see their guests enjoy it, not reject it. I know everyone's approach is different but in this situation a would eat a small amount of a few things and, if there wasn't something else that better fit my plan available, I would eat more when I got home.

That's just it, I DON'T reject it. And then I go home kicking myself for eating that crap.

I mean sheesh, can't they fix at least ONE healthy meal? Why does everything have to be deep-fried or drowned in butter? Do you or does anyone else expect me to put that junk into my body just to be nice?

I don't think so. I've worked hard to get to where I am now and although I realize one meal isn't going to kill me, it's still my body and I don't HAVE to eat that junk. Even though I still eat SOME of it just so I don't appear to be a stuck-up *b*. Because I'm NOT a stuck-up *b*. I just don't think I should have to eat that kind of stuff when I'm not comfortable eating it just to appease someone else's feelings.

And to add, I don't mean to offend anyone by trimming fats from foods and that kind of thing, but I just can't eat that stuff. Because I USED to eat that stuff all the time. And I don't feel I should have to now.

I mean, at least I don't walk in the door taking all of my own food. Because I feel that WOULD be insulting. I simply try to quietly and indiscreetly 'arrange' the food they cook so it's not so - what's the word I'm looking for here - detrimental to my personal lifestyle.

Wow, LLV, you have lost so much weight!!! Good for you!!!

I'm sure you know that they are not going to change. They just aren't going to fix one healthy meal. Sigh........ Can you simply not go? Can you go and simply eat really small portions? Remember, they are not going to change, but you are the one in control of your fork. They won't change to make you feel better, and you shouldn't change to make them feel better, either.

Gosh, take it one forkful at a time, I guess. Hang in there, you are a real hero!

Jay

Thank you :)

And yeah, I almost didn't go yesterday. But felt I should because there's a new baby in the family, just born last week, and I wanted to at least see him. Luckily, this time, there was salad available. So I filled up on a big salad and only had a tiny bit of the main course. But the table was laden with chips, cheesecakes, chocolate muffins, ice cream, chili, spaghetti with 10,000 sticks of butter in it, cheese and butter-drenched bread...

Aiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!!! :yikes:

LLV
I haven't posted in a while but this post got my attention.
I totally understand where you're coming from and I understand the anger. I also don't think you're being rude by not wanting to eat what's available. I don't get it, either. I hate having food pushed on me or comments made to me. Makes me really wish I had never been heavy in the first place. Then maybe nobody would even notice what I'm eating/not eating. I have NO problem saying no to the junk. I don't even want it. But I still feel funny saying no. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And that makes gatherings hard. It's not the temptation, because if I REALLY want something, I will have a little of it. It's all the funny feelings around the whole situation. I hope to be able to maintain my weight loss, and hopefully, maybe a couple of years from now, everybody will be used to it and just not even notice. Oh, how I hope for that day.
Gosh, I had 3 opportunities already today at work to feel funny and it's only 10:39 in the morning. Somebody brought fudge from vacation and it was offered to me (I was eating a yummy granola bar at the time mmmm) and there's a going away party for someone I don't even know (heard the person running it say that the cake looks delicious-like we should eat cake just because it's there) and had the last of the doughnuts offered to me (waste of calories on junk that isn't even worth it). I don't even want any of it, but I get the weird feeling (probably just paranoia, but who knows) that people are just LOOKING to see what I do, and just waiting for me to gain all my 90+ pounds back.
So I completely understand your anger. I can see it in your writing. I feel that way about restaurants. I can't see what they're putting into the food. Must be copious amounts of junk and all kinds of fat and stuff. That's fine-so then serve a smaller portion! I hate having to leave it all behind. I don't want to wrap it up and take it home, and my SO wants to lose weight, so I shouldn't be pushing it on him.
I know I kind of veered off topic, but I just want you to know I understand everything you said in your post. It's kind of like we'd have NO problem losing/maintaining our weight on our own if everybody else would just shut up and cooperate! LOL

Of course you shouldn't eat what you don't want to eat and, if your family were polite, they wouldn't comment on that fact. However, it's unlikely they're going to change the way they eat and cook and I think expecting them to do so is unrealistic and unfair. In a lot of our families WE are the only ones who've changed our eating habits, habits we used to share and enjoy with the same family we're now complaining about.

The real world is full of events that involve food we might not normally eat. Everyone has to make their own decision about how to handle it. I choose to be flexible :).

Woohoo! Glory, I love it.

Too cool! That is an awesomely supportive parent.

Don't look at it as leaving them all behind, but look at it as leading the way. :)

And I find it interesting that nobody would question you if you were on a medical dietary restriction (diabetes, or allergic to eggs, or something). They'd even be supportive. But, since it's weight and many of them have the same affliction as you once had, it sounds like a whole lotta denial going on.

Me too becuase now people really pay attention to what I'm eating. But then I'm the same way, I pay attention to what others are eating as opposed to what I eat. I never noticed before what others were eating until I started eating healthier myself.

I try to be, really I do! lol

It wouldn't be so bad if it were only once or twice a year. And yes, I fully know what to expect on holidays such as Thanksgiving. That's one holiday I love and I go ahead and eat what I want. No way am I going to sit picking at a piece of plain white turkey and a small baked sweet potato while everyone else is chowing down on turkey with gravy and dressing and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. But then it's still never really a HUGE amount of food because I can't eat as much in one sitting anymore anyway.

But these people find and make excuses to get together for their pot lucks and I hate being rude and saying I'm not going to go.

Ahh well, don't mind me, it was just a rant. It's not something I take too awful seriously, just felt like spouting off and no one will listen except you guys :)

Well, I HAVE been somewhat of an influence. Although I never push my 'knowledge' off on anyone unless they ask me directly (meaning I don't preach to anyone about their eating habits, nobody wants to hear it anyway) me losing weight has caused a couple of them to start eating healthier themselves. My sis-in-law even tried it herself and lost 32 pounds (she's over 250), but she's since put it all back on because she gave up and she's right back to eating the way she was before. And believe me, I've been there 100,000 times, I know how hard it is. Until I finally figured it out that I have to watch and count my calories instead of just trying to eat less and hoping the weight comes off. That may work for some people, but it doesn't work for me. If I'm not accountable for everything I eat, I slip way too easily back into old habits.