For the past few weeks/month I have been a mess.

I moved to the SF Bay Area.
I started a new job.
I am back over 200lbs again.
I havent been to the gym at all.
I have been eating fast food daily.
I feel bloated.
I feel ugly.
I have been throwing up so frequently on purpose that now when i get full, i get pre-emptively nauseated.
I'm so depressed and extremely lonely. I dont know ANYONE here save a few people I've met at the dog park when I take axel out.
I've been so short on money, I've been constantly stressed out.

I try so hard to get on the right path and I always end up right back where I am right now - on my couch, watching movies, with a quart of ice cream in front of me. I'm so frustrated and so sad. I feel so awful about myself. Why can't I just do this? It's so easy! ... Stop going out to fast food places. Stop sitting at home. Eat good foods, eat less of them and care about what goes into my body.... why is this so hard?

I re-read Fast Food Nation, trying to remind myself of whats going into my body. I've watched SuperSize Me to think of everything I'm doing to my body. And I hate it, but I cant stop.

I want to start to get back on the right track, but i feel terrible.
ideas?

i'm thinking of going to a doctor about getting on an anti-depressant or something. in the past when i got like this, i got really sexually promiscuious (sp?) and if nothing else, my last job on a marine base has taught me to respect myself in ways i never have before - so im not going that route. but im coming up short on coping mechanisms that help me feel wanted/beautiful/worthwhile....


i need a hug.

I know that you don't know me, but I just wanted to respond to your message.

First of all, I love every time I see one of your posts. You are so beautiful in your picture, and I think that you have lots of insightful things to say.

I don't have many wise words, except that I know that being in a new place can be hard. My recommendation is to work hard to stay in touch with friends and family, even though they are far away.

Best of luck in getting back to feeling good. I know you can get past this!

Is that you in the avatar? You are stunning!!

OK where to start...hmm...it is NOT so easy!! Don't be so hard on yourself! If it were easy we'd all be kickin it in the maintainers forum and no one would be having a hard time there either!

The throwing up thing needs to stop! Before you do some permanent damage! I do think a trip the doctor is in order, take care of yourself, hon.

Axel? Does he like to go on walks? My dog is my favorite workout companion! He doesn't allow evening couch wallowing...the park awaits!! Once you get them in the habit of daily brisk walks....they know what time it is and you can't say no to that face...

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely!! We are here for ya, girl!

Hey Kate! I agree, your pic is gorgeous! I know it must be hard being in a new place & not knowing anyone. Can you join a gym? You said money's tight, so that may not be an option. Are you "into" anything that you might could join a club? If you're a nurse (thus the RN in your name), can you workout at the hospital?

I would just try to muster up the strength to clean out your fridge/cabinets of all the junk & head to the store & stock up on good stuff! Fruit (fresh & frozen), 100 cal. microwave popcorn, high fiber bread & low fat lunchmeats, etc. Then, just quit going to those fast food places, unless its for a salad or like Subway or something. (I LOVE Subway).

Hope you can find something that works for you!

Hi Kate!

Welcome to the Bay Area! WOW...Ditto on that pic, you're beautiful! But I would recommend staying away from the men for a bit...that kind of attention just tends to make things worse in the long run when you're feeling like you do.

I definately can't speak to the more serious issues you may be facing with your health and mental outlook, but looking at your ID, I would assume that you know where to find the help if you're ready to ask. I have had some experience in the past with similar things if you need any directions.

I would like to offer to be a walking buddy. I have one friend that keeps telling me she wants to go walking and then never gets her butt going!

I'm in San Jose and wouldn't mind finding an area in between or switching the drive back and forth if you would be interested. We have a few really nice walking trails down here.

Hi Kate,

I'm in the bay area, too (there are a lot of us here!) about half way between you and Karen, in Mountain View. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of things lately. Moving to a new area, especially this one, can be a little overwhelming. It took me ages to get used to it and carve out a life.

My advice would be to take care of your health first by getting the throwing up under control. Get help if you need it, girl! That's serious business. Okay, that's enough

Aside from that, I'd suggest trying to add some healthy things to your diet slowly. Maybe go the local farmer's market (I know Foster City has one) and pick out 2 or 3 things to try/cook each week. Prices are usually cheaper there for good produce. Once you add some good food to your diet, try cutting back on the fast food. You'll feel better pretty quickly and will likely save some money, too.

Then you just gotta get out of the house. The best thing about your new neighborhood is that there are a ton of things to do here. Throw your dog in the car and spend the day walking around Half Moon Bay. It's beautiful. Ditto for Muir Woods up north. Great hiking trails up there (puppy friendly) and you can find 'em on the web. Try volunteering. It's a great way to meet cool people. There's an organization here called Hands On Bay Area. You can volunteer to do a zillion different things, from tutoring to trail repair at the SF zoo, to construction work. Doing something constructive will do wonders for your outlook on life.

Most of all, hang in there, girl! There are lots of folks here rooting for you. Feel free to PM me if you like. I'd be happy to chat.

Be well!!!

cheers!
paula

Firsts things first, as my mom said. There is no immediate, cure-all, quick solution to your problems. You sound financially strapped, lonely, and depressed about your weight which is overwhelming you right now. All of these can be managed within your resources right now, and that's the great news! So, let's prioritize!
First, you have a job, so chalk that one up on the Plus side of life. Strapped for cash? Eating out all the time isn't helping the budget, so rework your numbers.
Second, you will need time to lose weight, so why not focus on your eating habits and incorporating exercise. Forget the scales and the numbers. Right now, you weigh what you weigh. Beating yourself up over it isn't going to change the numbers.
Third, get some counselling, but be aware that some anti-depressants are linked significantly with weight gain. My MD told me that the average weight gain that he has seen with Celexa is in the neighborhood of 40 lbs. So you might get bigger (downside), but not care so much (tee-hee! up-side?) as you will be less depressed.
Bulemia doesn't work - if it did, you would be 120 lbs, so give up the self-defeating habit.
Fourth, and finally, give yourself some time to make friends! You've been there several weeks (according to your post) - sheesh! I've lived in my neighborhood for 6 years and don't know half the people here! Find an interest, take a class, go to Weight Watchers support group meetings, VOLUNTEER in the community, whatever - just get out there with your best foot forward. I know you can do it!

Kate,

I'm a little farther away than the Bay Area (Central Coast), but I just wanted to offer you a hug.

I know how you feel because I have had a lot of (not necessarily good) life changes recently, and I too feel financially strapped, lonely and discouraged most of the time.

I do have one suggestion: What about taking a cooking class? It would get you out of the house, let you meet some new people, and get you focused on other food besides fast food.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

Hey all,

thanks for all the love and support. sigh - things are a little bit better.

went out on a date (we met online... ) "oh i cant wait to see you again!"... has he called? of course not.

but,
i sat down and looked at my life and the goals i had set for myself months ago... i need to just let it all go, i think and get back on track. i want to be able to go back to the east coast and see my family and feel great. i wont on the path that im going.

so i went to whole foods and spent whatever money i would have spent on fast food and got good food. im strapped for cash again - but - oh well.

Axel (my dog) and i have been going out to the dog park once or twice a day, so i've been out in the sunlight. i went on a walk the other night - its COLD up here!

i was reading a lot on alternative medicine and decided to do a whole body cleanse - so we'll see how that goes. they said that it should help with cravings, depression and help me start over again with a clean slate.

one step at a time....
i saw a tattoo not too long ago that was part of a robert frost poem...
"...but i have promises to keep and miles to go before i sleep."
i made promises to myself. i need to work hard for myself.

i also thought about the volunteering suggestion, so i applied for a volunteer job in the city that is basically a big sisters program, only you are paired up with an elderly person who doesnt have anyone left for them. go to bingo, decorate for holidays, celebrate birthdays, help them to doctors appointments, etc...

back on the wagon again.
sigh
i hope i can do it this time.

Good for you, Kate! It sounds like you are making lots of positive changes! We'd love to see you around here more, so we can keep encouraging you! I'm proud of you!

I posted a bit ago on your other thread......about motivation........if all those things are going to make you more depressed, def DON'T do it. It sounds like you are at rock bottom right now and the last thing you need are constant reminders of why you are depressed.
I think a doctor's visit maybe in order, I just get a sense that you are dealing with more than just weight issues. It's never hard to lose weight, but it's worse when you are depressed! I know, I have seasonal depression, and never a good time for me to start to lose weight. North Dakota has LONG, hard winters.....BLAH.