I don't know what's happening to me. I think I hate my body more now than I did when I was fat. I'm obsessed with my weight and the way that I look. Even after losing 120 pounds, I still think I'm fat. I just hate the way I look.
Now, that I've gained about 3-4 pounds, I feel even worse. I've been working out like crazy the past three weeks with no results.
I've been doing TaeBo and haven't lost a pound. I used to feel energized and relaxed after doing a TaeBo workout. Now, when I'm finished, I just have more anxiety. I just don't understand it. I do the Fat Blasting series and it hasn't taken off any weight. Is it that I'm builing muscle?
I don't fit into my size 8 pants that I wore last winter. I mean, I can get them buttoned and stuff, but they're snug. I don't remember if they were always like that or not. Maybe I was just trying to stuff myself into a size that I wasn't meant to wear. I mean, I should be happy to be in a size 10 or 12 compared to a size 26/28! Why can't I just be content with that?
I don't know what's going on with my mind or my body. I mean, could it be that my skin was just saggier and hung lower before and that's why I fit into a smaller size? Now I'm getting in better shape, gaining muscle and everything is pulling up a bit and that's why I'm not fitting into my 8's anymore?
I should be happy. I'm in the best shape of my life. I can do things physically now that most people I know couldn't pull off. I just can't seem to lose these extra pounds. I don't know if my body is telling me that this is the weight that I'm supposed to be at....that I wasn't eating enough before and that's why I was so low.
I'm trying to have a positive attitude. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm beautiful and that I look fantastic. I'm trying to stop belittling myself. I'm trying to change my outlook, but I worry that I'm getting an eating disorder because what I see in the mirror is not what others see when they look at me. Why can't I just face that fact that I'm never going to be super thin. I'm never going to look like a fashion model. I'm never going to have a flat stomach. I just want to be happy with my body.
I'm just constantly exhausted. I have constant anxiety. All I ever think about is how I look, my weight, how my clothes fit. I'm obsessed with it and I don't know how to fix it.
Thanks for listening guys, I needed to get all of that out.
Maybe you need a "maintenance break" - think to yourself that you're going to maintain for a month and you can add in a treat here and there, skip a workout here and there. Be kind to yourself. Then when you've had a little break, you'll come back to it all fresh and relaxed.
I can relate because I know all the issues are still there whether you're 200lbs or 100lbs, I've recently put a few lbs back on and feeling a little worried that they're not coming off like they did. I'm trying to relax about it, not weigh and just get on with life!
Thing is, I gave myself a break...probably too many breaks and that's why I gained a couple of pounds. But, now I can't get them off again. I don't know, maybe my body just wasn't happy at 160.
I'm really, really trying to nurture myself, to be good to myself. It's just really hard to change that negative mindset.
Everyone thinks I look fantastic. I used to be able to see that. But, I can't anymore. I've just lost that positive outlook.
I'm constantly stressed out and have tons of anxiety. I'm sure that's not helping my weight.
I'm just completely lost.
I think you are right that you are building muscle in your stomach and that's why your pants are fitting differently. When tummy is all saggy and flabbier, it's easier to squeeze into the smaller size, but with muscle it just doesn't work. Be proud of that muscle. Heck, no one but you knows what size you wear. No one can tell the difference between a 6 and a 10 when they see you on the street. Just focus on being healthy and not the clothes size. I recently had a woman at a yard sale tell me "you look like you wear a size 10". I actually wear a lot smaller than that but didn't say a word". I don't have a muscley tummy but I sure wish I did. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
Perhaps you are wrapping up other issues in your life into your body? Our bodies are tangible things that we have control over, so they are easy targets for us to try and fix when there is something wrong. Perhaps what is really bothering you is something more difficult to put your finger on - something more elusive and therefore not so easily tackled.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You have done such a great job! Unfortunately in our society as girls we learn we should hate something about ourselves. No matter how thin we get we will always see our "problem areas", the trick is to not measure your worth by the numbers on the scale or on your pants, but to know you are a great person who has worked hard to get where you are at. I am so proud of what you have done. I hope you can start seeing what your friends see.
I think a lot of this anxiety you're feeling is normal... sure, that's easy me to say, right? But hear me out... If I remember your situation you're in your 20s and recently married. You lost your weight very quickly (in less than a year) and have been maintaining for just under a year, right?
If so, maybe your mind hasn't caught up with your body in some ways. You aren't used to this new body, it's not like the body you've ever had before in your life... add to that the ongoing process of maintenance, the fear of gaining back the weight and the fact that we have to deal with the fact that we won't really look like models...
That's a LOT to handle in a short amount of time! And it really hasn't been that long since you were that much larger woman who led a very different life... fatter AND single, etc. But you have been doing it plenty long enough to know, really know, that this is a truly different lifestyle!
It may help you to talk to a counselor to get these issues out in the open. Plus, as Nancy said, maybe there's something else going on in your head.
I don't think you're crazy, and I can see exactly how you can get where you are. One of the things about weighing 295 for me was that on some levels... okay, maybe many, I stopped caring and worrying about what I looked like... but now that I'm 100 pounds lighter, I find a lot more flaws some days than I ever did before... I'm looking more now and the overall package is more pleasing that the flaws stand out more... before the only thing I liked about me was my hair and my eyes... some days... Now I can happily point out the muscles on my shoulders and then in the same breath bemoan my flappy skin on my arms...
All to say that you may to give yourself more time to get used to you in this new skin, so to speak! So much of this weight loss and maintenance is a mental game!
One thing I have noticed for me.... Is that when I am not dieting I truly do not see myself as I look. Blinders I guess, a filter for the brain. That is why when someone shows me a picture of myself I cry and think how did they make me look that fat. Then when I get serious and try and lose all this weight my blinders are removed and I see the true flaws. Very scarey and very depressing. But really we need to see that we are a work in progress. You have don such a remarkable job. I aspire to be like you one day. You are a winner! Relax and enjoy your success. I am with the others before me here if you are feeling so much anxiety why not speak with a counselor. Best to you!
I don’t know if this will help you, but I sometimes resort to this technique when I feel particularly crappy about my self.
I try thinking about many other things that are so much worse than what I’m dealing with. For example, recently I read right here on 3FC about someone trying to exercise with an ostomy. So I got curious and looked it up and what I found out really put things in perspective for me. Apparently when some people have trouble with their colon (cancer, diverticulitis, etc.) sometimes they undergo a surgery where a part of their intestine is brought to a hole in their stomach and all the solid waste (and gas) coming out of their bodies goes through that hole and in to a special pouch they carry around. Can you imagine trying to deal with losing weight and exercising when you have to deal with something like that?!!!
I know it may not be helpful to think about something so challenging, but for me it definitely does help. It makes me think that I don’t have a whole lot to complain about and that most of my issues pale in comparison with those poor and brave people facing life altering diseases like the one I described.
I think a lot of this anxiety you're feeling is normal... sure, that's easy me to say, right? But hear me out... If I remember your situation you're in your 20s and recently married. You lost your weight very quickly (in less than a year) and have been maintaining for just under a year, right?
You are correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wyllenn
If so, maybe your mind hasn't caught up with your body in some ways. You aren't used to this new body, it's not like the body you've ever had before in your life... add to that the ongoing process of maintenance, the fear of gaining back the weight and the fact that we have to deal with the fact that we won't really look like models...
That's what I've been thinking for quite a while now. I know I lost it in a very short amount of time, which shocked the crap out of me. I think that maybe my mind is still healing. It's hard to change that when you looked at a heavy person in the mirror for 25 years and you were called a "fat person" for 25 years. It was extremely disappointing to see the way my body looked when I finally lost the weight. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to be super-model skinny. That I'm always going to be "thick", which isn't necessarily a bad thing. My mother was skinny as a rail before she had me, yet wore a size 14.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wyllenn
It may help you to talk to a counselor to get these issues out in the open. Plus, as Nancy said, maybe there's something else going on in your head.
I actually did try going to a counselor a couple of months ago. I had seen her before, years ago. She's really nice, but I stopped going. I went in to talk about how bad my body image is, and it ended up being, "Let's pick apart Nancy's marriage". She put all these ideas in my head that there was something wrong with my marriage and I did NOT like it. So, I stopped going. I got to see my psychiatrist on Thursday, so maybe he can reccommend someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wyllenn
I don't think you're crazy, and I can see exactly how you can get where you are. One of the things about weighing 295 for me was that on some levels... okay, maybe many, I stopped caring and worrying about what I looked like... but now that I'm 100 pounds lighter, I find a lot more flaws some days than I ever did before... I'm looking more now and the overall package is more pleasing that the flaws stand out more... before the only thing I liked about me was my hair and my eyes... some days... Now I can happily point out the muscles on my shoulders and then in the same breath bemoan my flappy skin on my arms...
Yeah, I stopped caring too. I never wore anything feminine looking, always dark colors. Stopped wearing makeup, never did anything with my hair, etc. The only part of myself that I liked were my lips. That was IT! I agree that now, my flaws stand out more, though I love my muscles, my shapely arms, my breasts (they're not saggy anymore!!), my neck (yes, I have one now!), everything. And even though I pick at my flaws, I like myself a lot better now than I did before. Wow, saying that stuff makes me feel a lot better!
I don't know what's happening to me. I think I hate my body more now than I did when I was fat. I'm obsessed with my weight and the way that I look. Even after losing 120 pounds, I still think I'm fat. I just hate the way I look.
Oh my gosh. It's so weird I came in and looked at this post because I was just thinking the same thing today. 85 pounds later and with people telling me how good I look and that I don't need to lose anymore weight, I still think I'm fat.
Now, I definitely don't hate my body more now than when I weighed 220 pounds. I'll take this over 220 pounds any day. But I still don't think I'm thin enough. I'm even thinking of changing my goal from 130 to 125. Because 5 more pounds, at this point, isn't going to make much of a difference in the way I look. I want to be a little thinner. Not SKINNY, just a little bit thinner. However, at the same time, I hate my face because it's too thin and I'm afraid of looking skeletal in the face (even though my body does not) if I lose anymore weight.
I think all of the weight from my face is gone, though. I don't know. I honestly can't see how it would get any skinnier.
Anyway, I know how you feel. I'm going through the same thing.
LLV, I know what you're talking about. My face isn't too thin, but my hips and thighs are. However, I could stand to lose more weight on my abdomen. I don't really want to go lower due to the other areas that are already a little too slim. I went to the doctor yesterday and the nurse had to give me a shot. She looked at my hips and said "you're all bone and I'm afraid to give this". She went and got another nurse to give the shot. Which I'm glad, if she felt uncomfortable giving it, I'm glad she found someone else.
I think the way others stated it, that it's true. When we lose a lot of weight, we pick at every flaw. Before, I didn't pick at my flaws, I just didn't pay as much attention to them. Now that I'm thinner, I tend to look for perfection and it's not gonna happen.
If so, maybe your mind hasn't caught up with your body in some ways. You aren't used to this new body, it's not like the body you've ever had before in your life... add to that the ongoing process of maintenance, the fear of gaining back the weight and the fact that we have to deal with the fact that we won't really look like models...
This is so true. I was a mess for several months to a year after hitting my goal. I didn't know what to make of this weight loss, I didn't know what to think, how to live. I had to figure it out, tweak it, try and fail and eventually succeed. I am a very different maintainer than I was even a year ago. My eating is somewhat different (I'm constantly tweaking it) and my workout routine has evolved into a whole different animal all together. Also, it surprised me to find out that I had done all that work and I was still in my own skin. The brain is a funny thing.
You can't figure all this stuff out overnight. I don't have the answers for you, but please be patient with yourself- Wyllen is so correct..... your mind needs to catch up with your body.
When we lose a lot of weight, we pick at every flaw. Before, I didn't pick at my flaws, I just didn't pay as much attention to them. Now that I'm thinner, I tend to look for perfection and it's not gonna happen.
Yep, exactly, very well said. Because now I'm paying more attention to my looks when before I didn't care.
I dont think the whole thing has got anything to do wth your weight loss/weight gain except if you are eating too less (that may cuase irritation and anger).
It seems like you are going through depression with a lot of changes in your life (new marriage etc.), weight loss is also a change and may be adding up!
You must start loving yoiur body and stop worrying. Look, there is no secret formula to feeling that way. U have to make an effort and it will be successful after a few attempts. U must curb your negativitism and focus on the good things in life!
even if you dont lose weight, you must love yourself first! Lfe is too short to hate your body and sit crying about it!
I am an absolute wreck!
