[jenifa]

I'm embarassed to workout. So I do it in the morning while everyone in my house is asleep for a hour. I don't want them to know that I'm fretting over my weight. Or worse, Trying to change it. And I don't want them to know that so if I do fail, then they won't think its a phase. I'm afraid that if I go about telling everyone that I'm upset over these things and working to change them that they'll judge me. This is my saftey net to get back to the way things are before I decided to change. If no one knows, they can't know when I slip up. They can't catch me in the fridge with a spoon full of ice cream and the 'oh noez ToT' face. Because if they do, they don't care.

So I'm letting everyone know now. Everyone in my house who would care knows. I still don't like to workout right infront of them, but I won't let anything get in the way of my workout now. And everyone here too.

So, yeah.. Everyone... I'M TRYING TO CHANGE THINGS!!!
For me! Not for anyone else... So it will work. It's willing, not forced.
Now, without my saftey net, I can just dust myself off if I manage to fall off the wagon. I can say "well, everyone around me knows that I'm trying to do this, and they witnessed me fail a bit. But thats OKAY. Nothing to be ashamed of. We all get scaped knees sometimes. I'll kiss them better and hop back on to improving myself."

I'm trying to be more accepting of myself in general. If I mess up, it's not the end of the world.

Now that everyone knows, I have to succeed, even if I might suffer from a drawback every once in a while. You guys make me strong!!

[celery]

Hi Jenifa, I really understand what you are saying. I once lived in a household where I was afraid to do anything because if I failed, people said "see, I told you so!" That was the family I grew up in. My current family, husband and kids, don't act like that. But I know what you mean, even if it's just an idea in your head. I remember as a teen I would endure things beyond reason sometimes just to avoid a certain family member from enjoying my failure. (Not that your family is like this.) Anyway, may you succeed!

[jenifa]

I appreciate your comments and support =3

This is a hard process, and we're in it all together.
I'm amazed by the courage of the people on these boards!

[Heather]

Originally Posted by jenifa

I'm amazed by the courage of the people on these boards!

I had never thought of it that way until recently, but it really is courageous to take back your life, isn't it??

[exquisitern]

Jenifa: Way to go!!! It is courageous to take control of your life. I know I didn't tell anyone except my daughter til I started to do it. I think of it as my program for healthy living. If I fall down, I dust myself off and climb back up. I think that my family have become more supportive as I've kept up what I've been doing. But the bottom line it's not for them so if I fail and quit, it doesn't hurt them, it hurts me. I want to be healthier, so even when I don't feel like it, I get my clothes on and I walk for 5 miles every morning. I missed yesterday because I had so much to do, I just couldn't work it in. I could've walked last night but I didn't want to. This morning I got up and at first thought I didn't want to, but I made myself get dressed and go to the park to walk. Usually I walk alone, but this morning there were 4 kids there and they were kinda teasing as I walked by. Another lady got offended by them and so when I came by they apologized if they had hurt my feelings. I told them no. Anyway, they ended up walking/jogging about a mile with me and I wore their little butts out. They couldn't believe I did 5 miles every morning. It made me feel really good. We never know what opportunity there is until we get up and go for it!
Anyway, great job on starting and keep up the work. You can do it!