Were not planning on moving out on a whim, we have wanted to move out for a while, were planning on saving money first, as much as we can. We need to know how much our bills are going to be though, and I can estimate everything but car insurance, I told my bf today he needs to tell his mom that he wants to see the bill and know how much he is paying right now, b/c if we plan on moving out we need to know. Im not sure how that will go over with her, she will probably refuse to show him and just give some random high number, especially if she finds out that we want to know to move out, I figured out today that if he saves $200 every pay in July, August and September, he will have $1400 (7 pays) if I get this babysitting job Im after, I can save $200-$250/mth, which makes it another $600-$750, which in total is $2000-$2150, so we could move in October. I tried looking at the bill today for car insurance, b/c to my surprise the cabinet wasn't locked, but I couldn't understand it at all....

In all honesty, parents will ALWAYS favour their OWN children. Even if they don't MEAN to do it. Most of the time, they won't even realise they are doing it. And I am sure when it comes time for you and I to be a mother we will favour our children even if we try not to.

Just to be clear, I never implied that I thought you were stupid. Your original post ask that people take a look at your budget and offer an suggestions of things you might have missed. You had not mentioned savings - so I suggested it. I apologize if my advice came across as condescending in any way. It wasn't intended to be!

I didn't ask to live here, they offered, and told me I would never have to pay, not that I didn't plan on every paying, maybe $50/mth working part time b/c $50/wk could be half my pay sometimes at part time, my bf can't talk to them, they won't listen, he has tried. My bf is upset that they try to get so much out of him, but she is treated like a queen just b/c she is his daughter, if I were my bf's mom I'd be sticking up for my son, but like I said she has no backbone and won't stand up to him, what he says goes, he is one of those old fashioned men who think woman should do everything, he makes more monry than my bf's mom but pays less when it comes to bills.

Hi Trixie14,

I think what people are trying to say is... moving out means you've decided to take care of yourself and become an independent adult. And a part of that process is letting go of the stuff that is hard for you at home-- something a lot of people here have been through and want to help you get through, too. I don't think anyone is saying you're wrong to call your situation unfair-- just that you'll need your energy for other things now.

If you think about these issues as emotional baggage, then what you're hearing in this thread is the suggestion that you stop carrying it. It won't go away-- it never really does-- but you can put it up on the top shelf of your closet for a while and stop lugging it around. You can turn your attention to the exciting and challenging job of flying solo.

Best of luck!

Savings would be in the 'other' category.

Here is a new budget:

Rent - $500
Groceries - $400
TV, Net, Cell - $140
Cigs/Gas - $160-$220
Insurance - Around $200
Saving - $200
Total - $1600-$1660

BF Income - $1600-$1700/mth maybe more with any Overtime
Me - $300 - $500/mth (Part Time)
Total - $1900 - $2200

Trixie14 - please don't take this the wrong way. I get the feeling we are upsetting you and making you feel worse.

None of us are meaning to do that, we are simply trying to help you by teaching us where we went wrong. I want to tell you something that I left about before because it is very personal for me.

Like I mentioned I spent the last 10 or so years with my with step dad and a lot of that time was not so happy and I always felt like you, I always worried about stuff that really wasn't important.

Last May/June my mom went thru rehab when she got out in June I went to the same center and took a one week course. Where I sat for 6 days, 10 hours a day, and delted with my hate for this man. When I left 6 days later I realized how much time I had spent worrying about such petty thing things. How I missed SOOO MUCH because I was always so concerned that I was being treated unfairly. I never felt better in my life, it really was a breath of fresh air.

I always thought that none of this stuff really bothered me, but it did and it really does MESS YOU UP! You need to take everything as a gain of sand, in one ear and out the other. Worry about NO ONE, NO ONE AT ALL, but you, because in the end you are the only person that is important to you. Who cares if she gets free rent and you boyfriend doesn't, who cares if her mom has no backbone, who cares, who cares, who cares. This doesn't have to effect you, but you are letting it. You are on control of you, you CAN NOT control anyone else so don't even try.

Now please don't rip my head off, I meant all that in the best way possible.

sotypical,

it feels really good to let go, doesn't it? Good for you for figuring this out so early. It took me a LOT longer! :)

idest - letting go really is one of the best feelings in the world. It is nice to know that you are in control of feelings. (for the most part, haha)

I understand what your saying, and I've always been this way, I can't let anything go, and I worry constantly about things, I hate being this way but I can't help it, when I posted here I just wanted to know how my budget looked, if I had missed any bills and such, and maybe a little bit of understanding, but I just feel like no one gets what I'm trying to say and where I'm coming from, were just so tired of their crap, and my bf is totally different than me, he can forget about something and just let it slide so easily, which makes it hard for me to talk to him about moving out, among other things, he wants to and thinks its a good idea but he doesn't want to deal with it he just wants it to be done, and I know he is sick of them too, but instead of dealing with it and finding a solution he just ignores it....and I know I should just ignore it and let it go but its just so hard, I'm so tired of getting hurt and feeling like no one understands me, and being treated like crap. I think the solution is to move out, were 20, we should be on our own anyway, and maybe I need to find a way to deal with all my build up frustration and anger from everything thats happened in my life. I havn't had it easy, I too have a stepdad and I hated him so much, we got along great until my brother was born, then I was pushed aside b/c I wasn't his kid, I don't resent my brother for it, I love him more than anything in the world, and maybe he didn't mean to be that way but I was a girl, and I was getting older, he didnt understand me anymore, and he had his own son....I've been in foster care, I don't talk to my dad for reason's I'd rather not say b/c it is embarrassing and personal, among other numerous things...I think part of the reason I can't lose weight and I always give up is b/c of my childhood, subconciously I'm holding on to my weight for protection...everyone thinks I need to talk to a counsellor...but I would feel so stupid sitting there talking to some stranger about my problems, that are probably insignificant to what someone else is going through..I've always thought of writing a book (maybe not to be published but to help myself sort things out) but when I try to write my mind becomes jumbled and i get a million thoughts and words swirling around in my head that I can't think.....I understand your all just trying to help....but again I just feel like everyone doesn't really understand what I'm trying to get across, no one is living here, so no one knows exactly how it is, so their assuming...and I guess thats all they can do is assume....the only one who can really understand how it is for me is me...

You have it right, the only person who can understand how it is for you is you. Even though you boyfriend lives in the same place even he can't understand. My best suggestion is for you to find a new place to live and just say, okay were leaving now. Take control, tell you boyfriend he can come if he wants. My boyfriend and I moved into his aunt's basment suite about 6 months, I wont get into any details but I HATE IT, sometimes I think I will kill them if I dont get out of them, so I told him, "I am moving, you can come if you want." I found a new place to live and that was that. We move in two weeks.

Only you know what is best for you. This is his family, it is much easier for him to deal with them and he will never understand how you feel because he sees things different. Just get out and don't look back. Start fresh!

There are two books called Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie (I think?) They are a daily reading book, you read a small passage everyday. That is what we read while in this program, it was GREAT!

I understand what you are saying.

But here is the reality: Life is not fair.

The only one who can change your situation is you. You are on the right road to doing so, by making a budget and getting a job. I think you are showing a lot of maturity for a girl your age.

Just remember though, Trixie--when it comes to posting on a forum like this, be careful asking for advice--you just might get more than you bargained for.

Don't ask me how I know.....

I actually found this! Looks like they post the passage everyday, maybe from different books tho:
http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/haze...&page_id=25020

I think we actually watched some SUPER SUPER old movie that she made, and I was like OMG that's MY LIFE!!! HOW DID SHE KNOW? haha it was awesome

I just saw on that site, they actually have the passages from all differen't daily books. I was just thinking about buying the book, see if I can't find it off ebay but maybe I don't even need to buy it!

I was just wondering why you are only interested in working part time - are you still in school or something?

My only comment is, move out, you won't regret it. Times will be tough sometimes. Do not fret & sweat over the budget..if you HAVE to make it you will. Sometimes you will have to eat Hamburger Helper, without the "hamburger", but you will make it.

It's been 30 years ago, but I was thrown out of the house because I was dating a "hippie". We had to set up household without even a friggin' FORK. I did it, and I lived to talk about it, and you can do it, too.

All I can say is that, if you truly want to move out, you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen - regardless of what it means giving up or doing without. I think, though, you need to ask yourself - are you REALLY willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make it happen?

I read many of your blog entries - really, honestly, and without trying to be harsh, it doesn't come across that way. You mentioned a babysitting job that you were ultimately glad not to get as it would have meant getting up at 5AM every day - but then another entry outlined your plans for the day, and it was waking up at 10AM, taking an hour for yourself to "wake up", and then doing some exercise, showering, bit of schoolwork, TV, etc. You have to ask yourself what's more important - getting up at the crack of dawn and collecting a paycheck so you can move out, or having the luxury of time to do what you want all day? Nothing in life comes easy....this is coming from one who knows. For the most part, people who have, have because they work very hard for it. I got into my first apartment by saving literally EVERY penny I had - it meant that I didn't get to "treat" myself with books or CD's or other luxuries....even just every once in a while. Every penny mattered, and moving out mattered to me - I made the decision about what was most important.

Your budget seems reasonable - although I would caution that if getting an accurate car insurance quote is the make or break issue, you're likely going to find it very difficult to make ends meet as there will ALWAYS be an unexpected expense that comes up. If you can only just get by with every last penny accounted for, it will be tough going - it's not pretty to hear, but it's the truth. It won't be impossible - again, it's all about what you're willing to sacrifice to gain an apartment of your own.

Could you not get a paper route or something to make a little extra cash while you look for a full-time job? You mentioned a larger town close by, but that it would cost more in gas to get there - well, if you can get a full-time job there that you can't where you are now, the extra gas will be more than worth it. I do think that trying to do this when you're only able to contribute a couple hundred dollars a month, is less than ideal.

Yeah sure working in the bigger town where I used to live full time would be great, and would make up for the gas, but how am I supposed to get there?? I already said I don't have my G2, so I can't drive alone, my bf's mom can't drive me she works all day and my bf works rotating shifts, so I dont think an employer would be too happy about having to work around his schedule so he can drive me. I'm working one day a week right now, while I'm looking for something else, I don't care if its full time or part time, I would prefer babysitting though just b/c that is what I enjoy, but I will take something else if I can get babysitting. I WANTED that babysitting job so bad, I was really excited about it actually, it was 3 weeks of getting up at 5am, I wouldnt like it but big f'n deal, its money. She told me she would call me friday or saturday and didn't end up calling until 9pm sunday night when I would have started monday morning at 5am, and told me she didn't need me. I'm in talks with another family right now about a FULL TIME babysitting job, and I really really hope I get this one. In the end I will do what I have to, even if I might not like it, if I have to go work full time in the factory my bf works at, I'll do it. My blog is just a place for my personal thoughts, and to help me gets things off my chest that I'm pissed off about, so half the stuff on there is written in the heat of the moment, where something happened and I just need SOMETHING to talk to to get it out so I can feel better and a blog doesn't talk back, it just lets you type whatever you want.

I will work either, and yes I am still in school. Im finishing up 2 high school courses that I'm hoping to be done the beginning of November since I start them in September I just finished 6, and then I plan on doing a college course, probably a course to get my ECE diploma, or something else with kids.

Just a thought - if you do live in a smaller town there are probably lots of people that work in this bigger town. I am sure it wouldn't be hard to find a ride and you could chip in on gas money. I live in a bigger town and work in a smaller town (30 min away) and I don't drive; this is what I do and it works out good.

I had to learn the hard way once that if I wanted a place where I could say whatever was on my mind, I needed to make it a totally private blog, meant for no one else's eyes but mine. If that's what you want to use your blog for, you might want to consider making it private.