I have a very dear friend who is about 35 lbs overweight. She "tries" to lose weight but doesn't stick to an eating plan or an exercise plan. After two or three weeks of minimal weight loss (i.e. 1 or 2 lbs in total, because she isn't strict about it) she gets frustrated and quits. NOW she has decided that the only way to get rid of the fat on her stomach is to have plastic surgery. She has consulted with a surgeon and arranged for a tummy tuck (although she has no loose skin that I can see), each arm will get an upper arm reduction (again, no loose skin, just smooth round arms), and chin liposuction. This will set her back $15,000, which she doesn't have, so she will either take out a loan or make payments to the clinic. I can see that she has minimal loose skin, so a tummy tuck which is designed to remove loose skin won't give her the flat, 20-yr-old tummy that she thinks will result from surgery (she's 60 -- not that there is anything wrong with this, just it is hard to get those kind of results for 20 yr olds, who heal pretty optimally due to skin elasticity...). She thinks surgery will "motivate [her] to stick to an eating and exercise program", because in her opinion, she can't lose the weight through diet and exercise. I am a bit concerned -- ok, ALOT concerned -- because it seems to me that without a proven commitment to diet and exercise, her results won't last. I am worried about the possible complications of surgery, especially since she smokes (this reduces oxygen flow throughout your body and impairs the healing process) and, quite frankly, is a little older (which means your healing time is prolongued, and more complications can result) In short, I don't think surgery is an effective or appropriate weight-loss strategy. She does. I think she is fooling herself because if she can't commit to healthier living NOW, I doubt if she will do it afterwards. I am being supportive, but am finding it difficult to be as enthusiastic about her upcoming surgery. Suggestions?

To be honest it sounds like your friend has her heart and mind set already and no matter what you say or do she is going to do what she is going to do. I would just be supportive, by being her friend, if you can't be enthusiastic about her surgery, then I would flat out tell her and if you haven't already, let her know your concerns.

Sometimes all we can do is just be there for the person, we cannot make them change their minds. It is very hard sometimes, but sometimes its the only way people learn.

Check out the thread called 'sisters'. This might apply.

Be honest, but if that's what she decides to do, be there for her.

I too have a friend that needs to lose about 40 pounds that is looking into a lap band procedure. She already is on her way to be being fit, she walks every day and has already lost 32 pounds. I asked her why not just do what you are doing. it is working and before you know the weight will be off. She told me she is tired of dieting and she is getting impatient. We live in a society of a quick fix. People want results now! Even my husband, he has been dieting for one month and has lost a total of 20 pounds. Because he is hungry all the time he feels he should have lost more. I am getting so crazy from him obsessing.
I wouldn't say a word to your friend. She will do what she wants anyway. I think once someone has consulted a surgeon they already have their mind set.

But that is what 90% of cosmetic surgery is about! How many women "need" breast implants or a tummy tuck? How many women feel they need it? Cosmetic surgeons will do any surgery which will give their patient self-perceived results as long as it's not medically contraindicated. If she really isn't healthy enough for the surgery, no doc will touch her for fear of a malpractice suit. At her age, she'll probably have to have an electrocardiogram, stress test, and normal physical before surgery.

Tell her to check the site tuckthattummy.com if she hasn't already. They talk about the results that can realistically be expected. If she still has a lot of external abdominal fat, the doc will probably remove it during the tummy tuck, so she will get that flat look. If she still has intra-abdominal fat, only diet and exercise will change that. That's also the fat which is most dangerous to health. But what the surgeouns DON'T tell patients, is that it is not a permanent cure. In fact, if pressed, most docs believe that their patients really can't get fat there again. Wrong. Have your friend read the MSN plastic surgery group boards- they are full of disappointed women complaining two years later that they regained all the weight they "lost" through surgery.

On the upside, having a tummy tuck to remove skin and pull muscles back together that have been shredded due to either pregnancy or obesity can be a tremendous incentive to stay in shape. I'm not sure that I would have worked as hard at maintenenace after I reached my weightloss goals or in the gym if I still hard yards of skin and seperated muscles.

Mel

I absolutely have no problem with plastic surgery per se. I think if you have loose, excess skin and hate it, then get rid of it! Also, if a lap band is your decision for weight loss, and since it is a medically proven way of getting your weight under control, then go for it! My problem is that she is dealing with her weight issue by "cutting the fat off" (her actual words!), instead of making the connection that you are what you eat. What a dilemma! How to be supportive yet let her know that I think that maintaining her result will be impossible without a lifestyle change that she won't commit to at this time. Her actual view is that she can binge now, because all the fat she gains now will be "cut off" in October, so what the hey, let's live it up (actual words, and I have seen this attitude in action -- she just came over for a visit two weeks ago, when I found all this out)... I should also mention that she is not North American, and the same pre-surgical and legal standards that apply here just don't apply where she lives. I really feel that she is risking her life, when diet and exercise would be more effective and much, much safer...

And so much more work for her!

I've been thinking about this post all day. I know there is very little to dissuade your friend at this point, but losing fat through liposuction and a tummy tuck (the doc literally cuts off excess fat) is very different metabolically from what happens when a person loses fat through diet and exercise. There's a good reason that cosmetic surgeons call it "body contouring": they can't touch the fat that is stored intramuscularly or viscerally (between organs.) Only diet and exercise changes this. This is the kind of fat that is so bad for you. Saddlebags may bug you, but it's the fat around your heart that will kill you.

There are a lot of people who have very knee jerk anti-surgery reactions. I'm not one of them. When I decided to have surgery, many people on this board and in real life attacked my decision as vain, selfish, immoral, dangerous, and just plain unnecessary. To me, it was very necessary. But I've also had two clients choose to have tummy tucks and in one case a full lower body lift and tummy tuck before reaching anywhere near their goal weights. In one case, I couldn't convince her that it was not the magic bullet, and two years later, she looks just about the same as presurgery and is back to dieting and training again. In the second case, although the results are nothing like what I would want, the woman is delighted. I think she looks odd- an out of shape woman with a flat stomach and middle, but fat arms and back fat. She is delighted. In the end, that's truly what matters.

One of the statements in my previous post is misleading. In most cases, you can't sue a cosmetic surgeon so they aren't all that worried about malpractice. Here in torte happy PA, we have far more cosemetic surgeons than obstetricians or general surgeons because of this. You sign away your right to sue, or they won't operate. It is elective surgery. The only grounds for a lawsuit is medical negligence in which case it's usually the estate doing the sueing! I'm not a lawyer or a surgeon, but that was how it was explained to me.

Mel

What I was thinking is, "at her age", she may be looking for a faster route to getting her body more in shape. She may feel she don't have as long to work on it as someone younger, and that it might just be one little perk she's offering herself.

Very good points ladies.
I was considering WLS until I have talked to people I know who've had and researched it. Its not for everybody and I think any surgery shouldn't be taken lightly so at least for now I've decided to do my WL with diet and exercise, at least give a good try first.
I'm not against surgery either, if you need it and what not, do it, its your decision and your body, your life. I think that anybody considering surgery should think it through and do research first, but that is just my own personal opinions. What other people do with their lives is their own business.
But I can certiainly understand concern for loved ones. I think we all owe it them to let our concerns be known but also let the person know that we'll be there regardless.

I wish your friend luck and hope if she does go through with the surgery that everything works out for her.

Hi all! My friend says that she won't be having liposuction, just the tummy tuck (!) and everything else! I was asking her about procedure length, recovery time, etc., and she really doesn't know what is going to happen. All she knows is that after surgery, she will look like her 20-yr-old self again and this will motivate her to diet and exercise. Sigh.
Thanks for all your opinions. I just want to emphasize that I am NOT anti-surgery (I will need a neck lift for SURE after all my weight is gone, to remove the turkey gobbler of loose skin under my chin!), nor am I anti-weight-loss surgery (i.e. lap band, etc.). I just am concerned that my friend is chasing an unrealizable dream through a dangerous shortcut. Thanks for all your input!

Hi Ya. Glad at least your friend has changed her mind about the lipo and we understand your concern about your friend.

Hi! Actually, she hasn't changed her mind about lipo. She is unsure if her doctor will do it in conjunction with the tummy tuck. She doesn't think so, as she hasn't been offered it nor quoted a price, nor has she discussed it as a procedure. I asked her about it, and she simply just doesn't want to know. She just wants to "go in, and he'll make me look good". Crazy.

Oh well..........looks like she has her heart set on it, no matter what.......