scared & confused
 

i don't know if this is the right place for this or not. i'm sorry if it isn't.
last night, i heard a noise coming from the front room. now, i'm really paranoid about noises, but they always end up being one of my close by neighbors coming home or someone putting their trash down the chute in back. I turned on my bedroom light, and peeked around the corner fully expecting to see nothing.
there was a man in my front room. just standing there. i was frozen like a deer in headlights, and then realized i was naked and standing in front of this man in my house so i started screaming my head off. i ran into my room and locked the door and just kept screaming "someone is in my apartment."

i heard him run out, but by that time i was shaking like a leaf and literally scared out of my mind. i ran around grabbing clothes to put on and i could hear my neighbors saying "where is that coming from?" so i ran out the back door and i saw my neighbor across the way and just collapsed. i started crying and shaking so badly he had to bring the chair to me. the police came after 10 minutes or so, and it turns out it was another neighbor who was drunk and just started trying back doors until he found one he could force open. my bolt doesn't firmly lock until you turn it all the way around and then jiggle the door a little. i guess i didn't jiggle hard enough, because he just walked right in.
i had a really awful boyfriend who literally followed me around the country for about ten years trying to hurt me. he died of a drug overdose a few years ago, but when i walked out of my bedroom and someone was in my apartment, it all just came rushing back. i tried to sleep, but every time i close my eyes i just see this man standing there... and his face sort of morph's into my ex's and...
anyway. i'm pretty messed up, long story short. i was really doing well for the past two years-- no nightmares, no panic attacks, nothing.
right now, my brain is fighting with itself. i'm not hungry, in fact, the thought of food makes me nauseous, but at the same time i feel like just eating and eating until i throw up, just to feel something else other than scared. i'm stuck at work right now, and i'm the boss so i can't show i'm upset or anything here. it'd freak my staff out.
i just don't know what to do. i don't really have any friends because i just moved to chicago. i feel like this is all my fault. i keep replaying in my head the last time i went to check the back door lock and kicking myself for not jiggling it just one more time to make sure. i feel stupid for waking up all my neighbors and getting the police out for nothing, and for making them worry about me.
i just don't know what to do. i know none of you are licensed counselors and maybe it's wrong to lay it all out like this to you guys. it's ok if you don't know what to say to me. i don't know what to say to myself.

If there was a man in your place, you didn't get the police out there for nothing. Did they check for clues, signs of entry, things like that? Did they say they'd have a car drive by tonight to keep watch over you?

If there was a man in your place, that is terrifying, and you have the right to be freaked out!

As for eating, I'd suggest eating the meal you'd planned for your diet. Make sure you have some protein. Eating will settle you down a bit, calm those nerves and jitters, and sticking to your diet means you won't have the consequences to deal with.

Most larger communities have crisis lines you can call when you just need to talk to someone. Check under Human Services in the blue pages of your phone book. If you don't know people nearby, you really ought to call a family member or friend long distance, maybe ask someone to stay with you for a week or so.

This wasn't YOUR fault! Don't feel stupid or guilty for calling the police or having your neighbors help you- that's what the police are for. A strange man in your apartment is a terrifying experience.

The one great thing I see from this experience is that your neighbors did respond :hug: So you know that there are people out there who care enough to help even if you are a newcommer who they don't know very well.

Take care of yourself :hug:

Mel

I say you did the right thing going to your neighbor and having the police come out. You didn't know who it was and it's scary.

The good news is that they know who it was. Also this is a great time to get that door fixed. Once you know it secures easily, you'll feel better.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Ask your neighbors to check on you for a couple nights to help you feel better. I know I would help my neighbor like that if needed.

I wish I could give you a :hug: .

thanks everyone. i think i'll be ok. I still haven't eaten, but as soon as i can leave work i think i'll go home and eat something and then work out for awhile.
My neighbor downstairs offered to let me stay with her if i get scared tonight. i might take her up on it. I really appreciate everyone's comforting words.

That's a horrible thing to wake up to, and as everyone has said IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Make your landlord fix that door. Force him -- tell him you'll call the police on him if he doesn't. :mad: I'm mad!!! lol

One time I was home alone and my dog started barking. I walked out into the yard and suddenly there were police surrounding my house and a helicopter flying over. The police yelled at me to go back inside. Turns out they were chasing a man through the neighborhood and he was hiding under my house! I got so shook up! That night I was cleaning shrimp and I kept imagining that I was pulling the head off of that man, instead of the shrimp!

I agree with the rest of the ladies, it sooooo was NOT your fault and you did the right thing by getting your neighbors and the police involved! I would definately get your door fixed like everyone here mentioned, but also maybe talk to your landlord about starting a neighborhood watch. ;)

Another idea is look in your yellow pages for a mental health clinic in your area and maybe if you want, speak to someone about it. Not saying your mental or anything, just saying at times it helps to talk to a professional about things on your mind. :)

But as always, we are all here for you and there is usually always someone online, I know I'm a night owl so I'm online late, late at night and into the early AM. So if you get scared and wanna chat, just PM me.

:grouphug:

Give the landlord 24 hours to fix the door, then if he doesn't get it done professionally and send him the bill.

That would have been an incredibly scary experience without your history. With it, it makes it so much more acute, and I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for handling this the way you have, and being so understanding about your drunk neighbour, I don't think i would have been!

Take care of yourself honey. Maybe this experience will bring some friends, or at least friendly neighbours into your life, it's hard settling down when you've moved. I moved from Australia to England, so I know what that's like.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone here for your kind and supportive words. It really did help, even more than I thought it would.
I'm calling the management office today to make sure they know what happened, and ask them directly to have the manager change the bolt. Even if it was "operator error," I will feel better knowing it's been changed. I'm not all that comfortable about having someone living here who gets so drunk he wanders into other peoples apartments, either, and I plan on asking them to please do something about him. I don't know if they will, but he lives just across the back deck from me and quite frankly, as "understanding" as I've been, just the idea of him creeps me out right now.

Siena, I took your advice. When i finally sat down to eat dinner, I had exactly what I had planned to have, then popped in the goofy little 15 minute strength training video I got with my McDonalds salad a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't much, but it was enough to sort of get some of the stress to dissipate. And for my good choice i was rewarded with a 3.2lb loss this morning. My first 10 lbs is GONE!
Thank you to everyone, again. I appreciate knowing you guys are here more than you know.