"OH PLEASE! HAVE A HAMBURGER, YOU'RE SO SKINNY!"(what others assume about BIG people)
A lot of my friends have a tendency to think that your apparent weight/body mass can deduce your diet. I disagree all the time. If I order a salad, I will hear 10 million groans followed by "IS THAT ALL YOU'RE EATING??? you don't need to worry about calories and whatnot (I never worry about calories, but I do however worry about NUTRITIONAL VALUE of foods) since you're sooooo small! You never get fat! GO and have a hamburger!"
Well, I don't know, should I?
Of course not, if thats not what I want. Why should anyone be peer pressured into eating something they don't want if their intention was to be healthy? A lot of my friends don't seem to want my to eat healthy because it makes them look unhealthy. But even then, should they encourage me to eat more, just for the fact that I'm small?
I once saw a lady who worked at a dessert bar counter, around 300 lbs or so. SHe got off her shift and ate at a table opposite from where I was situated. Now, I was treating myself to some tiramisu then, so I can't say I was being healthy. But this woman, who appeared to be morbidly obese, had a salad and an apple. Boy, I was impressed- she even had her portions correctly measured! But everyone around this woman STARED at her. I heard some people talk about her here and there... whispering about how she must've been dieting and failed over and over again... a few people next to me even gossiped about how "big people" just can't control themselves and closet-binge. But you can only imagine everyone poking fun at her, in a nice nyc cafe-sandwich-salad place. "I bet she eats doritos with nacho cheese alongside 3 McDonald's super value meals and 2 whole pizza pies every night for a pick-me-upper!" one youngster said after she left.
My sister said to me " I bet she's a skinny woman wearing a "fat suit" like Tyra Banks did on her show". Well, did she? I looked at her (I tried to avoid it because EVERYONE was looking at her and she probably knew that) and I said to myself, "she's definitely healtier than I am! Look at my 1000 calorie-no nutrient- tiramisu, and look at the vitamins and antioxidant filled lunch she's having!!" There was no doubt that this woman must've battled her weight, and at one point she hesitantly took her stuff and left because she couldn't take the staring any longer.
When she left, people felt comfortable and started talking about it openly. I can only imagine what she felt- I hate how people make these assumptions about how "big people" eat junk and small people shouldn't worry about healthy foods. (and occasionally, I get the "I bet she eats, like, nothing!" Is it always "you are what you eat"???? I hope that woman lost all her weight by now.... I still get those "eat a cheeseburger!" comments but really, being a certain weight shouldn't give rise to your diet/lifestyle assumptions.
Oh, wow! That poor woman. People are shameless. But, see, there are roles that people are supposed to fill.
Fat people are supposed to do 'fat people' stuff: the sort of stuff that might make someone fat(ter). If we see a variance in this, we get freaked out. This is why I don't feel comfortable going to the gym, and feel awkward ordering a non-fat latté at Starbucks. I always think the barista is going to think, "Uh, honey, since when are you worried about a few grams of fat?" There's a lot of respect for fat people who are trying to slim down, but also a lot of hate and distaste. Thin people often can feel better about themselves at the expense of someone who's fat, because "At least I'm not that big!". So when we see people bigger than us trying to better themselves, it's hard not to have some resentment. It's inner conflict, cognitive dissonance: we want to be thin and/or healthy, but we're not acting in a way that is conducive to attaining that. Thus, we lash out.
Thin people have a lot more options as to how they can act in public. They can unabashedly order a salad or a hamburger with all the fixins, and not have anyone bat an eye.
It seems like punishment for being fat. It takes a lot of strength to order a veggie pita when all your friends are ordering pizza. It takes a lot of strength to disregard comments. It takes a lot of strength to listen only to your inner monologue, and have the confidence in yourself that your choices are good, and they will pay off. And yet, most people see fat people as weak.
But this woman, who appeared to be morbidly obese, had a salad and an apple. Boy, I was impressed- she even had her portions correctly measured! But everyone around this woman STARED at her. I heard some people talk about her here and there... whispering about how she must've been dieting and failed over and over again... a few people next to me even gossiped about how "big people" just can't control themselves and closet-binge. But you can only imagine everyone poking fun at her, in a nice nyc cafe-sandwich-salad place.
I would assume that she is on a diet and probably think "Good for her!". Now, if I saw her doing this for months on end, and she stayed big, I would figure she must be a closet eater. I would think that if the same people go back there is a few months and see she is visibly smaller, that they would judge her differently.
I don't mind enormously fat people here in NYC, EXCEPT when they hold up the bus to use the chair lift to load their scooter on. IMHO, that lift is meant for the truly disabled.
That's an excellent message, Veggielover! You are so right that it is wise for you to eat healthful foods no matter what your weight.
And I can certainly attest to the fact that "fat people can do no right." LOL when I am losing weight and eating right there is always someone who comes along telling me I shouldn't be eating THAT or should be eating THAT, etc. If you are fat it doesn't matter what you do... you are going to get criticism and just plain RUDENESS as this poor woman did!
Oh, wow! That poor woman. People are shameless. But, see, there are roles that people are supposed to fill.
Fat people are supposed to do 'fat people' stuff: the sort of stuff that might make someone fat(ter). If we see a variance in this, we get freaked out. This is why I don't feel comfortable going to the gym, and feel awkward ordering a non-fat latté at Starbucks. I always think the barista is going to think, "Uh, honey, since when are you worried about a few grams of fat?" There's a lot of respect for fat people who are trying to slim down, but also a lot of hate and distaste. Thin people often can feel better about themselves at the expense of someone who's fat, because "At least I'm not that big!". So when we see people bigger than us trying to better themselves, it's hard not to have some resentment. It's inner conflict, cognitive dissonance: we want to be thin and/or healthy, but we're not acting in a way that is conducive to attaining that. Thus, we lash out.
Thin people have a lot more options as to how they can act in public. They can unabashedly order a salad or a hamburger with all the fixins, and not have anyone bat an eye.
It seems like punishment for being fat. It takes a lot of strength to order a veggie pita when all your friends are ordering pizza. It takes a lot of strength to disregard comments. It takes a lot of strength to listen only to your inner monologue, and have the confidence in yourself that your choices are good, and they will pay off. And yet, most people see fat people as weak.
*sigh* Society...
This is exactly what I think- If I ordered a salad, people could say "thats how she stays so thin!" and if I order a hamburger, they'll say "well she can have it if she wants to! Her metabolism must be fast and she could afford to have some more calories in her diet!"
However, when someone of significantly larger size orders a hamburger, people will assume "oh thats how she got to be her size!" and if she orders a salad "Now look at her! she trying to get skinny!"
This is absurd. Anyone who cares about health and nutrition knows that the size CAN'T ALWAYS say much about an individual- I know some people who are overweight but they're so healthy and fit, they fool people all the time!
nyc cafe-sandwich-salad place. "I bet she eats doritos with nacho cheese alongside 3 McDonald's super value meals and 2 whole pizza pies every night for a pick-me-upper!" one youngster said after she left.
I could just smack people like that. How do they know this woman didn't weigh much more before and she's lost a bunch of weight by eating the way she was?
I know some people who are overweight but they're so healthy and fit, they fool people all the time!
I admit I don't really think anyone who is THAT overweight is really healthy... self included. But putting them down certainly doesn't help anything and is just plain unkind.
Over the years I have developed a selective "not-noticing" reflex where when I am out in public I rarely notice anything like that. Either I don't notice or it is my attitude and the way I carry myself that it happens less often. But I totally know what you mean about damned if you do, damned if you don't. It can be a cruel world and people can be so quick to judge. It is like anything else - if you don't understand it and don't want to deal with it, slap a simple label on it and feel better about yourself by putting someone else down.
For so many years I thought everyone was staring at me all the time and thinking bad things about me. Sure it happens on occasion, but most of the time I think I was just hyper self obsessed. I made the decision that I didn't want strangers to interfere with me having a life anymore, so I decided to stop caring.
Yah Nancy you do have to learn to ignore a lot of it.
What really drives me crazy is when I go out to eat and the host always tries to give us a booth. Now can't they SEE how fat I am and especially that my boobs are so big that unless I want to eat with them laying on the table, it won't work! You would think they would have enough "class" to offer big people a table!!!
I understand what you are saying, Misti. I used to hate it when we'd go out to dinner and be given a booth. I couldn't fit comfortable in the booth and my boobs were practically on my plate. I can fit in the booth now, but this is one thing that always embarrassed me. My husband, being slender, never thought to ask for a table.
Yah Nancy you do have to learn to ignore a lot of it.
What really drives me crazy is when I go out to eat and the host always tries to give us a booth. Now can't they SEE how fat I am and especially that my boobs are so big that unless I want to eat with them laying on the table, it won't work! You would think they would have enough "class" to offer big people a table!!!
I'm in Brooklyn. I do go out occasionally for a burger or a sweet -- after spending 3 days/week at the gym, doing other exercises, and eating veggies and fruits, yams, chicken, turkey, light bread, drinking tons of water, i.e., being healthy all week for all the snacks and meals. I have gotten looks like she sure doesn't need to be eating that! I feel like smacking people upside the head sometimes. They're probably not doing nearly as much as I am to get healthy, but I have to endure the judgement because of my current body size.
No, I'm not going home and binging, I'm eating my treat right here in front of you and going home to eat a low fat, low cal meal! So back off Mr/Ms Glasshouse. (just my little vent, heh heh)
"OH PLEASE! HAVE A HAMBURGER, YOU'RE SO SKINNY!"(what others assume about BIG people)
yaaay i always told everyone i am "clausterphobic" ha ha ha
And Yay Safiyah... glad you are now enjoying your booths!
