My best friend of 13 years is also trying to lose weght. She is about 5'6" and around 210. She's a bit of a tomboy and wants to join the air force after she is done with college ( about a year).
She wants to lose weight so boot camp won't be so hard for her.

Problem is... she needs LOTS of motivation. She is a very, very hard worker and stubborn as a mule but when it comes to losing weight, she just can't seem to stick to it. She tells me that if the scale doesn't move after 3 or 4 days.. she gives up.. she wan't to see it work "Right Now"

She eats pretty good, she does have a weakness for candy and has a little everyday but nothing really to mess up her calories.
I tried many things, telling her about counting calories and needing a hour of working out a day. And I even tried a contest ( she's very competitive) between her and I to see who can lose the most in 2 months.. it worked for about 2 weeks before she gave in.
She really hardly cares about what guys think she looks like. So that is not a motivation for her.

I don't know how else to motivate her.

tough situation, isn't it! I don't know that you can motivate another person. If it were possible, my father would have "given" me motivation years ago, and I would have given it to my husband. Honestly, the person who is going to have to do the work has to be motivated him or herself. You can stand by and be supportive, but sadly, I don't think this is something you can give...

Let's see what others say!

She is fortunate to have YOU for such a caring friend! But if she gives up after 3 or 4 days the truth is she really doesn't want to do it very badly. Friends can encourage and support us but reality is only WE can decide what we put into our mouths and what exercises we do. And it's NOT easy... interesting that you say she is hard working and stubborn but gives up so easily on eating properly and losing weight. We ALL want to see it work "right now" but that's not going to happen. It takes hard work and dedication. Wish I had a better answer for you but my suggestion is leave her alone and let her come to an eventual decision (hopefully) to do what it takes. It does sound that at this point she is only wanting your attention. You can't do it for her!!!

Sakai, you're a good friend! Unfortunately Wyllen is right, you can't really motivate another person if they don't want to motivate themselves. That's why that saying... you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Sit down and have an honest talk with your friend. Tell her that if she's serious about losing weight that you'll support her all the way thru but that she has to help herself too.

You can only be a cheerleader for so long before you end up tired too. That happened to me. My best friend wanted to get out of a certain situation, and I kept motivating her, I tried being positive, I tried getting mad at her, I tried being sympathetic, but nothing was working. Why? Because even when she was saying she wanted to get out of it, she wasn't willing to work at it. I was exahusted from trying so hard and getting nowhere. Finally she realized she had to do ALL the work and it finally happened. I'm very happy for her now, but it took a while.

So, be supportive and try to talk to her, be honest and open. Try to involve her in your diet, make her see is not so bad, and that patience DOES pay off in the end. The rest is up to her.

Best of luck to you and your friend too!

Sakai, what a good friend you are.
Heather is right. You can't give your friend motivation. She has to find it for herself.
Is she asking you for help? Because it sounds as though you've pretty much covered all the bases. Maybe you could sit down with her and tell her that you really want to be there for her, but that her motivation has to come from within. If she really wants it, she'll find it.
Good luck to both of you.

Great advice, everyone! Friendlykat, I too have a friend who, even though she is far away, supports me continually via email and phone! When she knows I am trying to be "good" she drags out her cheerleader skirt and pompons. BUT she never tries to goad me into it when I am not really making the effort myself. I really appreciate her... and now I even have to email her if I eat something I shouldn't LOL... last time I got "busted" was first part of Feb. for chicken wings LOL. But she does it because I WANT it and she knows I am really making an effort! She can't do it for me... trying to do it for someone else when they aren't really trying can really drag you down!!!

Misti, I'm in the same situation, my best friend is in another state. I'm in RI, she's in FL, but we e-mail every day and we support each other a lot. I'm happy she took care of her situation. She thanked me for always being there, and she said she realized she hadn't been working hard at it, but now she is and it's good for her.

Oh and you're a girl after my own heart... I LOVE chicken wings! Too bad they're not exactly the most healthful thing to eat. I guess once in a great while we can have them as a treat.

How badly does she want to join the air force? That could be some motivation right there. The military will not take her at her current weight. It would not just be a matter of boot camp being hard - she would not be given the opportunity at all.

thats tough!

She needs to talk with a recruiter. As mentioned above, the military won't even take her at her current weight. During Desert Storm, I was recruited because I am an RN. They then said "no way" when I didn't meet the weight requirement of 173 or less and I am 5'7. I now meet the weight requirement but am too old. I agree with everyone else, you can encourage her to lose weight but it has to come from within.

Arghh! One of my personal pet peeves! I too have a friend who, whenever she comes over, ALWAYS complains about her weight: "I have to lose weight. I feel really fat. I can't do what I want..." I USED to say, "Well, come with me to Weight Watchers (when I was doing that)!" or "Here's my Zone book, give it a try!", or "Sugar Busters might be for you!", or "Here's a great website for weight loss!" or "why not talk to your doctor about it?", and on, and on, and ON. The answers would ALWAYS be "I can't stick to that", or "it's too restrictive", or "I don't like protein", or "I have to go to a wedding in two weeks, so I'll start then", or "I can't afford it", or...well, you get the picture. My point is that:
1. You can't lose weight for her. Only she can do it.
2. It takes TIME and EFFORT. It isn't easy.
3. What is she getting out of the complaining? Attention? Sympathy?
4. Will maintaining her weight be an "excuse" in the future for not succeeding at something she actually might be afraid to do?
I finally stopped buying into my friend's complaining by saying, every time she starts complaining, that "hey, I'm doing it and I'll do what I can to support you when you decide to stick to a plan". Sometimes, she'll answer "oh, I just can't DO it!", to which I say, "boy, that's really tough. ANYWAYS, do you want to go to the mall tomorrow (i.e. I'll change the subject)". Tough love sometimes is the best love you can give a friend!

Great advice everyone.
She knows she won't go into the air force at the weight she is. I don't think she always tell me.. " Melissa,.. I know I'm lazy, but I know I could do it if the scale would move."
I tell her not to trust the scales. she's a pretty strong girl, buffer than some guys (It's just under the fat so no one can see it.) I tell her to measure herself and go by inches lost. I'm not sure she has tried that yet.
We're also trying to find a place that can measure her body fat %.. because she use to lift weights in high school and a bit in college. I really think most of that weight isn't fat.

Hey, how interesting! My "cheerleader" Bud is in Florida!!! Actually I have two of them... one in Fort Lauderdale and another in Punta Gorda! We email every day too... in fact all 3 of us are friends so we often include all 3 of us in the emails. I met them both on the Internet... then when I moved to FtLaud we became best buds in 3D!

LOL as for "bad for you" foods as a treat... I try to stay completely away from that thinking. But I eat so well when I am "on plan" that it is okay... I fix really good "good for me" food so I don't feel deprived. But yah those chicken wings sure are good LOL and there is a place a few blocks from my house that makes the best ones ever! LOL oh well... I want to be skinny more than I want the wings!

LOL well I guess I would be pretty direct at that comment... I would tell her "No... the scale would move if you would DO it!!" That is how it works... and you have to do it for more than 3 or 4 days LOL.

Mmmmmm, wings are delish! I make grilled chicken and throw some wing sauce on them and that satisifies me.

Also, did you tell your friend to come here for support? She migh tlike this site...It really motivates me.