Workplace harassment!
 

Okay, I have had it up to here! :mad: There is this ridiculous supervisor at my work who is always saying really insulting things to me. Examples! A co-worker and I were talking about whether losing weight made you look older or younger. I said that I had always thought I looked older being heavy. To which my boss chimes in, "Well, you look matronly!" Then another time, she asked how my diet was going. (I never told her I was on a diet, by the way, she just noticed I had lost weight so now thinks it's her business!). I told her I hadn't really been on-plan. She said, "Well, you talk about all these cute boys you like. Cute boys only like cute girls!" And the latest incident: I started taking rowing lessons. I pointed out a bruise on my forearm I got while rowing and she said, "Well, when you're overweight, you bruise more easily!"

She is horrible in oh so many ways but does anybody else think this particular behavior constitutes a hostile work environment? I really want to go to HER boss and tell him what's been going on but want to be sure I'm taken seriously. Has anyone else had a similar situation. I am just getting to my wit's end! Thank you so much in advance!

Ann :)

I had a boss that always made little comments, could be about you could be about someone walking by (I worked in a food court). Usually it was something sexual but nothing that ever made me want to kill him.

I did have fellow employee that harassed me - I had one hit me on the head with a mop once.

One thing to do is file an anonymous complaint with labour retaliations or something of the sort (don’t know what it is in the US) or kindly talk to her about it. Tell her that you know you are overweight and don’t need her reminding you everyday.

If she does this sort of thing to other people there, maybe a few of you want to sit down and talk with her about it. Or even write an anonymous letter to her boss.

First of all, you need to tell this person that this is pissing you off and you wont be disrespected like that by her or anyone else. ( I would also pick something out about her that you don't talk about, that you could bring up.) Second, if she does it again, go to her supervisior and demand that something be done about it. You can't really do anything until you've told her to knock it off, but once you have, it's ON!!!!!

By the way, people like that are so miserable, they need to insult people to feel good about themselves. You are making improvements in your life, and you will lose that weight....she will always be a *****!

I wouldn't start a war. Be polite and mature about it. No need to sink to her level - that makes you just as bad as her.

Comfort yourself that people like this always get their just - and please excuse me for saying this word - desserts. What goes around, comes around. You are doing something important and healthy to yourself - and as quoted above - she will always be a *****. That's a hard personality trait to change. I don't know how old you are, but believe me, there is always one ***** in every group you'll work with. Silent looks do say a lot as well - practice them in the mirror.

I work with a woman who I dearly love but she can unknowingly say unkind things. I know at heart she's not a mean or cruel woman but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I've also worked with women who love to twist the screw in your heart and once they find out it bothers you, they won't ever let it go. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she can push your buttons.

Stay strong, chin up. :strong:

sounds like the crazy boss is jealous, and secretly trying to sabatoge your efforts maybe?

Sounds like this lady is just jelious. Maybe she doesnt feel good about herself and see's how good you are doing with your diet.

Keep records of all events between this person and yourself.
You have to take emotion out of it and go to HR immediately.
People will pout etc when they are "outted" by higher ups but without nipping the problem in the bud, it will only continue.
Robyn

My advice.... and from my own training in workforce issues...
THe MOST important things is that you HAVE to tell her (respectfully and clearly) that you are bothered by her comments and you really need her to stop making them. If you are ever going to have a chance in any kind of action later, you need to tell her that. That will be the first thing they ask -- in any kind of harassment suit or even mediation, that is the first step. Tell her... don't bargain, threaten or or whine. Keep it simple. THEN... document when you did this and what you said and what behaviors you addressed. You will TOTALLY set yourself up for success if it goes any further. The ideal documentation would include a note TO HER reiterating what you said, and thank her for her attention to this. THEN... if it happens again, you have a really good start and just go to her supervisor. Trust me.

Losinit...should she also send a copy of the the documentation reiterating what she said to the boss's supervisor?

LOL wow! I certainly would not talk to my BOSS like that! :o Actually I would just let the comments roll right on off and develop a bit of thick skin.

Second option, though, I would go to her in a polite way and let her know her comments are bothering you and you feel they are inappropriate for the workplace. Hopefully this will resolve the issue. It is never wise to smart off to your boss, regardless of the circumstances. That is, if you value your job.

And I would NOT go over her head until I had talked to her personally... that is asking for problems IMO.

Just my two cents worth. :carrot:

I totally agree with 2LosinIt. This sounds like a great way to go. My husband is an EO rep and would suggest a path like this. You need to show that you tried to take care of the problem. You did your part. If it doesn't stop then you have a reason to go to her boss or HR. Good luck with it all. I hope it turns out good.

I agree with everyone who has said that the first step is to talk to your boss politely, and in private, and tell her that you do not want her to make such comments any more. It is possible to do this without sounding like you hate her or want to kill her, even if you do! LOL! It means requesting some time in private in her office, with a smile on your face and friendliness as your intention. And then you deliver the message, which goes something like this:

"<name of boss>, I wanted to talk to you about something that's been bothering me. Sometimes you make comments about my weight that are very harsh, and they hurt my feelings. For example, you said <examples go here>, and it really made me feel bad. It also seems inappropriately personal in the office. I'd like to ask you to please stop making these comments to me."

Then sit back and wait for the defensive fireworks--let her simmer down--don't start yelling back or whatever. And when she's finished with her defense, say something like, "I understand that you don't think your comments are <whatever it is she said>, but they seem harsh and hurtful to me, and I want you please to stop making them." If you can manage a smile, try! If you start crying a little, that's OK too, but stay with your message! Continue until it's clear she's understood you. If she gets to the point of, "Well, I hear what you're saying, but I still think you're making something out of nothing," you can say, "But you do understand my request and that my feelings are hurt." If she says yes to that, then you're done.

This is the first step. After your talk, send her an email saying "Thank you for talking with me today. I'm glad that you understand that your comments about my weight were hurting my feelings." Save this email in your outbox, and save any reply she makes, so that if the behavior continues you'll have documented your attempts to come to terms with her.

Take it from there! Good luck!

Jay

In the words of Ron White: "You can change everything else, but you can't change stupid"

I agree totally with misti. From the comments you posted, this isn't harrassment, just thoughtlessness or nastiness. Going above her head to her boss will make you look like a whiner and a troublemaker. If her comments bother you that much, talk to her; she either doesn't realize how thoughtless she is or is trying to provoke you. My suggestion would be develope a thicker skin. No matter what the issue, someone is always going to be nasty about something. Making the general statement that "fat people bruise easily" is *****y, but not actionable.

Mel

Good message, Mel. Have to admit when I think back over all the years I have been working and the crap I have put up with from bosses and co-workers, honestly, this is very low on the "harrassment" pole. I have to admit I can't imagine even "higher ups" would think this was a very serious issue, although they might be forced to deal with it because of our litigant society. And for sure I would NOT cry in her office... crying in the work place is generally a big :nono: and loses someone respect.

annk, i dont' envy your situation at all. The ladies here have given you good advise. Isn't it funny how people automatically feel like they can talk to you about your weight when you're losing. They feel like it's free game to tell you how you're looking and how you should be doing things. Just because we wear our weight issues on the outside doesn't mean everyone around us should have a right to offer up their 2 cents on it. Weight is so personal.

Dont get me wrong. I love the compliments and the heart felt support from those i care about but i do tend to hit a point where i just wish everyone would leave me alone about it.

TO answer the question to me...
on the first response, no, I wouldn't send the documentation of the conversation to her supervisor. I would simply write it, give her a copy and keep a copy. And, like the conversation, I would keep it simple, respectful and to the point. Just a "thank you for listening to my concerns...etc... I'm optimistic that we can work through this". THEN... if it continues, you have it to go to the supervisor with your concerns (be sure to date it and reiterate you concerns BRIEFLY).

It really is important that you go into the conversation not as an adversary (which can be difficult when you have anger and hurt feelings... but keep the thought that you are taking a positive step to resolving the situation be your strength) but rather, go into it with the assumption that she WILL hear you and will work on it with you. If not... then step 2... but assume that step 1 will take care of it and you will go in with more confidence.

Good luck!

p.s. sometimes it's helpful to practice the conversation with someone. If you have the words in the front of your mind you'll be more likely to keep from letting your emotions stop you from having a productive conversation.

Well... my last comment on this... I suggest you really make SURE this is a "hill you want to die on." IMO it really just doesn't seem like that big a deal to make a big issue over at work. I've worked a LOT of years and if that is the worst you have to put up with, consider yourself fortunate. :) But it's just my opinion... hey if you really want to go for it, good luck!! :)