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Old 04-25-2006, 01:53 PM   #1  
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Default Ashamed to go on vacation

Every year we have a family reunion with my husbands family. And every year my sister in laws look wonderful and my mother in law puts in little jabs about seeing this or that cousin with their slim little figures. I already told my husband that I didn't want to go this year, and he's trying to be encouraging, but I really don't need this when I'm trying so hard! He and the kids are planning to go, but I'm going to stay in town to work. It just hurts too bad to watch her monitoring what I eat and what I wear. HELP!
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:13 PM   #2  
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Ya, some people can be unreasonably critical. Avoiding these people is best, but if that causes too much friction at home, just square your shoulders and remember that it's what you think that matters, not them. Really, if she's a jerk, why should you care what a jerk thinks about you, even if they are family? Chances are that even when you do reach goal, she'll find something else about you to harp on.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:14 PM   #3  
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I can understand what your saying and what your feeling because my ex in laws were the exact same way! I hated being around them, they made me feel like I was just the most disgusting person there! My ex was not supportive either, he never stood up for me. (main reason he is a EX)
The only thing is in a way you are letting them have some sence of victory by you not going.
If you for any reason change your mind, walk in with you head high and try (easier said than done) not to let them get to you!
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:18 PM   #4  
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OKay, I've BEEN avoiding family reunions for years because of that fact. There's always someone that tell me how one of my cousin's "JUST SO SKINNY!" it makes the rest of us really horrible.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:19 PM   #5  
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Some people are just mean , poking fun at someone because of their weight is really about the lowest thing you can do. I mean really, most of us are pretty insecure about our extra pounds and donít need any outside help to feel bad about it. Tealeaf is right, you donít need to put stock in whatever these people might be saying. You are trying hard and you have every right to be proud of yourself regardless of what other people might think.

Keep on truckiní.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:19 PM   #6  
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i totally understand also. when i was pregnant with my soon to be ex first child, my mother in law made it a point to tell me not to gain too much weight. that my hubby didn't like fat woman. well, let me tell you, it got much uglier. because i put on about 50 pounds during our marriage. now that we are split up, i have dropped 25 of that and plan to drop the other 25 and probably a couple more for good measure!!! then he can like me all he wants because it is too little, too late.

i wouldn't go to the reunion either. who needs to go somewhere and be reminded that you are not up to their standards. Screw them!!! stay home and treat yourself to a day out for you. go get your nails done and have a massage. you'll definately feel better about yourself alone than with them!!!

i'm sorry. i am so mad right now. because i know exactly how you feel. i always compared my self to my sister in law who had 2 kids and is still wearing a size 2 jeans. she is tall, tanned, and absolutely beautiful. i love her but i can hate her at the same time. and she has never been anything but sweet to me. but she represents everything that i am not.

anyways, have fun home alone.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:24 PM   #7  
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I agree with what TeaLeaf says. I can definitely relate to what you're saying. I have some particularly vile ILs who constantly try to put me down for no good reason - whether it's the clothing I wear or my religion or the decisions I make about my career. They constantly compare me to BIL's girlfriend who is athletic, artistic, pretty, down-to-earth, outgoing...seemingly "practically perfect in every way" in their eyes!

It hurt like crazy to hear their criticisms at first (and it still does sometimes). I typically try to steer clear of the ILs whenever I can because after so many attempts at "making nice" with them, it just got too stressful. There are times when I've sent hubby off to see his parents while I stayed behind and worked. So I feel your pain, I really do. Whenever I do have to see the ILs, I just hold my head high and remember that I am a worthy person who has loving friends and family and a lot of things to be proud of.

If you want to go on the vacation with your family, go and don't let her get to you. I have no doubt that you are a beautiful person who doesn't deserve that kind of critcism. If you stay home, take some time to relax and pamper yourself!
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Old 04-25-2006, 04:46 PM   #8  
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Just read your post and I feel for you, but one thing to consider is that your hubby and kids will miss you. Plus who wants to work while everyone else is having fun. Don't miss out on spending mucho time with your children and understanding husband.

And what I have found is that people who enjoy putting others down, don't come off looking or sounding so great themselves. They are petty and bitter and it shows. My advice is go and have a great time and if anyone criticizes you or your appearance, just say something like, "Wow. Thanks for noticing that. I have been working on this problem for a while and I'm touched by your concern!" Be sincere as can be. Or if you only hear about how someone's figure is so lovely, say something like, "I was just about to say the same thing. She is so naturally beautiful!" If it's someone you don't know, say, "I've never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I believe you."

Don't let others ruin your fun with your family. Practice with your hubby how to respond to her hurtful remarks and ask him, if he's in earshot, to say how glad he is to be married to such a beautiful woman too. Then the two of you can hug and kiss and walk off hand in hand. Wouldn't that be better than working and letting her ruin your vacation with your family?
God bless!
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Old 04-25-2006, 04:53 PM   #9  
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Some people seem to have nothing better to do than judge others. I had a few toxic friends like that and they are no longer friends. I guess they were never friends. If you do go to the reunion remember how lucky you are not to have to see them daily. Stick to your way of eating and live your life for you. Good luck to you.
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:05 PM   #10  
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I would hold my head up high and go to that reunion. My MIL has always been very critical of me, my weight, my hair, even how I raise my kids. She made me feel like a totally fat slob when I was at my worst physically. Now she tells me how great I look but still comments on my hair and how I should raise my kids. I will never be perfect enough for her son, so don't let the weight issue stop you from enjoying this vacation time with your DH and children. She'll just find something else to gripe about next.
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:36 PM   #11  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babsy
Every year we have a family reunion with my husbands family.
Aww hon, don't feel bad. I perfectly understand. I avoided every single one of my family reunions because I just didn't want to be seen. The last time my family saw me wasn't by choice, they were at my mother's funeral. And that's before I lost all of my weight. And since I was never a big girl, they probably saw me and was shocked at how much weight I gained. What sucked even worse is I had to stand beside my sister - my beautiful sister. She's drop-dead gorgeous, she's had men after her all of her life, and she looked perfect, even at our mother's funeral.

*sigh*

Sorry, now I'm rambling. I'm just trying to tell you that I know how much it hurts. I can't try and encourage you to go because I never went to any of mine either. I know how bad it hurts to have to stay behind simply because you're ashamed of your own looks. But honey, if you don't mind me saying so, you're not all that heavy. I'll bet if you went there wearing something really nice and put on a confident attitude, you'd glow.
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Old 04-25-2006, 07:06 PM   #12  
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I am honestly sitting here crying because you guys are so sweet and wonderful! I don't have any close friends with weight problems, not any close friends at all anymore (I don't like to be seen much), but you all are truly wonderful! Thank you so much!
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Old 04-25-2006, 10:39 PM   #13  
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You just do what you feel comfortable doing
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Old 04-25-2006, 10:56 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilybelle
I would hold my head up high and go to that reunion.
I agree! Your hubby and kids need you there with them! Go and enjoy yourself!!! Hold your head up high and don't let people get you down!!!
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