Why Does my Family do this?
 

I've told my entire family that I'm FINALLY ready to change my life. But I also told them I need all the help I can get...

My parents knew I was coming over this morning, they knew I was planning on helping my sister with a school project and would be here all day. They invited me to lunch, and I asked for something healthy, they said no problem.

So I walk in the door and my mom and sister are baking brownies, and offer the bowl for me to lick. (Yes, sick and sad... I would have normally taken that offer!)

So I'm hiding in my high school bedroom with my trusty lap top, avoiding the brownies. I will have one small one, because I won't cheat myself that much! But I am trying so hard to avoid this temptation!

How do you deal with this? How do you eat just a small portion of these wonderful yummy, horrible for you foods?

Do you have to be at your parents house today,? can you take your sistrer somewher else to work? That was very rude and unsuportive of your family. I have found that Family is the ones Who cant seem to deal with the weight loss and the life change, I think a lot of people are envious, because WE are making a change and they have not.. I dont know But you are doing very good for not eating the pan of brownies.. Take Care and I hope you the best day.

Personally, I don't eat them 99% of the time. After almost 5 years of avoiding foods made from white flour, sugar and other non-nutritive ingredients, they make me physically sick even though my tongue still likes them. I always travel with alternatives- fruit, natural peanut butter, a chicken breast, cut vegies. I pack them in a soft sided cooler wo I can eat them if I need/want to, or just take them home again.

Bring your own food if think your family isn't going to have what you want to eat. Tell them you are doing an experiment for a while to see if you feel better eating differetly. I find that no one is insulted as long as I explain that I'm doing this because certain foods or additives are causing me problems. Telling everyone else that what they are eating is unhealthy is usually a source of conflict, tho :lol:

Mel

Thanks Ladies :)

I don't think my family was *trying* to be rude... my dad lost over 100 pounds in the last year (due to health problems and the strong realization that he NEEDED to lose weight or he was going to die.) and he lost it while still letting everyone eat what they wanted. So I think that they think if he did it, so can I...

I am taking my sister out to the library to finish her project! So I just have to push through a few more minutes...

I would try being up front with them. They may not realize how their actions affect you. I know some families try to out and out sabatoge, but I think many just don't think about it.

If you can't just have a small piece (because it will start a binge, make you feel guilty, or is not part of your plan), just say "no thanks". You already know what they taste like...they may taste good, but they will add nothing new to your life today. Great strategy about getting out of the house!

yup. She's right. JUST SAY NO! (thanks)

This is what I tell myself frequently (and it works!).

Don't think of it as saying "No" to the brownie, but saying "yes" to your new lifestyle.

I agree with others here... just say "no thanks." There are ALWAYS going to be temptations and people who unintentionally try to sabotage our new eating style. They probably just wanted to share the yummy brownies with you.

And I don't eat just a small amount of them; I don't eat them at all. Regardless of WHO wants me to. I try to be as polite as I can about it... but I will NOT put them into my mouth.

We can't control the behavior of others... but we CAN control ourselves!! :)

You can do it!

I see you're just beginning... your family might take a while to adjust to your behavior. How did they deal with your dad? Maybe he could offer you some tips?

:hug:

What I've found to be true is that most people offer food the way they offer gifts - they just want to give you something "good" that you will enjoy. Telling them "no thanks" is, to them, like when you say "You shouldn't have!" to a gift. To them, it's just polite words, they think you don't really mean it.

It's just what they say ... "Old habits die hard." I'm sure in time your family will see how serious you are and hopefully they'll learn some new habits!

And congrats on being strong. You deserve a big pat on the back!

Good message, Rachel! Well said!

Thank you Ladies :)

I can tell I'm going to love this website! I know my family was not intentionally trying to sabotage me, they just plain don't know any better!

Man, I wish these pounds came OFF as easily as they came ON!

my family doesn`t seem to "get it" either. although its not about my weight loss, but rather about my vegetarian diet. i have been veggie for about 6 years and they still don`t seem to get it. they wanna go eat at steak houses and always serve huge platters of meat on holidays. they never make any effort to cook something i might enjoy (as might everyone else). so, i usually end up eating a lot of side dishes and then raiding the cupboards when i get home, or cooking something for myself. i think thier atitude was more of defiance. my mother is convinced that human beings cannot be healthy unless thier diet consists of 80% meat, 15% potatoes and the rest some veggies and fruit. and therefore, she thinks she will somehow starve me out of being veggie by not supporting my decision at family gatherings, even though i consider being veggie one of the greatest desicions (along with losing the extra 30 lbs i have picked up eating too many of those side dishes) i made for my health. she has told me all my life that vegetarians are sickly, when ironically, i am the one who is never ill. even though she is a nurse and works with patients who have had heart attacks, she still feels this way, even though current medical findings will contradict a diet that is low in fruits and veggies and high in fatty red meats. shes just "old school" meat and potatoes, i guess. i think sometimes people are not aware of thier actions. certainly, your mom didn`t mean to alienate you. she was probably offering you the bowl because thats what she has always done. my mom always did too. i`m sure that if you asked her not to do things like that, it will eventually sink in. you are making a big change for yourself and your family has to adjust as well. its taken my family 6 years just to accept the idea that i will probably never eat meat again. hopefully, your family will pick up on things a little faster. i think it just takes time for them to see you are serious about this.

Hi all,
My family seems to go to the other extreme when i'm visiting. Instead of throwing baked goods at me they run around saying "can you eat this? How about this? Can you eat at that restaurant? How about this one? Do you want some more fruit? Is this ok?"

Their good intentions always end of stressing me out. I don't want to feel singled out for the way i eat. I can pretty much always find something healthy to eat when i'm at a restaurant (and i'm not afraid to make 10 substitutions if i have to) and if i'm at home i usually bring some healthy things that i can enjoy. All their attention and questions of "can you eat this, can you go eat here?" always make me feel awkward. I think it just makes me feel like i'm on some strange diet rather than just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

I really appreciate all their support. They are so wonderful and always really encouraging. Really it just makes me feel so "obsessed" with food when they're always asking me about it and i just want to at least PRETEND i have a normal relationship with food. :) I think i have to work on being less stressed by their "help" and in turn they will probably feel more relaxed about the fact that i will speak up if something is wrong.

I agree, I don't think they really realize what they are doing. My sister is bad at that. She will offer me something or want to go out and eat knowing that if I go to that place I will be not only falling off the wagon but THROWN off!
She isn't doing it to hurt me or to sabatage me she just doesn't think about it and she loves me and doesn't look at me the same way I look at myself!
I just told her that if she wants me to meet her for lunch or to go out with her then she has to try harder to understand and be more helpful. Ever since then she is a great help.

MtaTjac~~ Hope I did not offend you by thinking they were rude,, I was not going for that... however, I am in a better understanding now that they were not, they just was going about there normal routine,, You have changed your life not everyone around you,, I tend to tell my family this alot,, as they are not eating healthy and sometimes they seem to want to be apologetic for eating brownies, cakes or what not.. and I just remind them , the "I CHANGED MY LIFE , NOT THERES.

My family is terrible about this as well! THey are all overweight and I really am not, but I have to work HARD at it. I finally stopped it by just not eating anything at all and leaving to get something else when they did this to me. I tell them before hand...no salt, no fat. If they can't provide something healthy for me to eat, I leave. It is SO hard!!! But they will stop after a while if they ever want you to come over again! My family even goes as far as to tell me I NEED to eat b/c I am looking sickly skinny! I am 5 foot 6 and 142 lbs....not sickly skinny! I have found that they subconsciously don't want me to lose the weight b/c they can't do it themselves. If you can find the willpower to just say no and leave, you will feel so good about yourself. I also started cooking a healthy dish to bring for dinner for everyone to try. A couple of times my family liked it so much that they would make it each time I would come over! As for the sweets, they probably won't change that. Just ask them not to offer them to you. It's will power, baby! Hang in there! You can do it!

Thank you everyone for sharing!!

I've talked with my dad, as he is truly my inspiration. He had a big advantage over me though, he was told if he didn't lose 70+ pounds he would be inelligiable for a transplant, and thusly die within the year. So that was a pretty big motivation to lose the weight, no matter what. Unfortunately for me I just can't get to that...

Think of it this way. If you don't lose the weight now - when you get to your dads age that could be you. So why not change the future?

I'm definately changing it! But I just don't think I can change with all the temptation around me, so I am removing myself from those situations. At least for now