New here, not to WL ... a little bit of everything
 

Here's my story, short version: All my life, I was never a thin child/adolescent/adult. I hit my heaviest in 2001 when I weighed 245 pounds. Then, 9/11 happened and something kicked me in my *** and told me that I wanted to be around for my child, wanted to have more children, was tired of always being tired ... was tired of being the fat girl.

Today I weigh 151 pounds. I am happy I am a (tight) size 10, but not TRULY happy. I am never happy. When I got to my goal weight, got below my goal weight ... weighed 136, I was still wondering if I could weigh 125. Now I would pay to be 136, even 140 again. I feel like getting back there is just beyond my grasp. I lost 108 pounds at one point, now I can't lose ten. And regardless, I am left with so much extra skin that I feel disgusting in the nude, disgusting in clothes (I can grab a fistful of myself through my clothes from my abdomen) ... I am just disgusting.

So I have been hanging around this weight, and I am grateful I don't weigh more! But I am still unhappy. And, life is rough. I am a recently divorced single mother of three ... a 9 yr old and 3 yr old twins. I am struggling financially, I have no help with the kids, etc. etc. I bust my butt at work, come home, and don't sit down until after 9 p.m. each night. For a few weeks I was getting up at 6 am to do a short (30 min) workout, and it felt great, but I can't seem to get that energy back. I am depressed a lot ... just tired of life.

To boot, I am the ultimate emotional eater. I have probably eaten three pounds of chocolate this week. I know I shouldn't, I am surrounded by laundry and housework and volunteer work and work-work, but I still stand at the kitchen counter and eat my life away, burying myself in Easter candy.

I don't know ... I just felt like posting this. I feel that a lot of my success of weight loss is attributed to a message board I used to post on (MSN groups) a few years back ... back when I really ate healthy, really exercised, etc. I was also married and had a lot less of the "other" stresses I have today.

I realize this post jumps all over the place and might not make much sense. I just want to be happy with me, really. It isn't even about food - I *do* LOVE food, but it's a symptom of something much bigger, and I don't know how to fix it. I am good at fixing everyone else's life but my own.

Thanks for reading.

Kelly

PS ... I guess if I could stop the emotional eating and badgering myself that comes along with it, I could be satisfied with my current weight. I just want to be normal. Is there such thing?

You should not beat yourself up, we all fall off our diets. The main thing this support forum has shown me is it is not the end of the world..

It hard being a single mom, you are doing the best you can right now I am not saying it going to get any easier but maybe you be able to get a handle on it a little better in the future. I have been a single parent for my daughters whole life and honestly there are some days I feel like I am about 5minutes from a mental breakdown.

That when I seem to want to over do it with the food. Since my DD is a bit older now, I try taking a quick walk around the block (maybe 5 min) it helps me clear my head and not go straight for the food.

I am not sure if this is the kinda thing you might be feeling but I know that somewhere on this board there will be someone who can relate to what you are going though!