Help! Going on date tonight and feeling self-concious!!!
 

Hi wonderful ladies.. OMG its almost 3pm and Im meeting this guy who I met at a bar a few weeks ago for the first time since then. We've been talking on the phone a bit and had some good conversations and now he is coming over tonight to hang out! And my nerves are getting the best of me..

I have been excercising diligently in anticipation for this night but I still feel, when I looked in the mirror, totally embarassed by how I look. Even though I do a boot camp training, run do all these things that I SHOULD be looking more in shape but it looks horrible.. I even went tanning (I know!! bad!) so I could somehow make my body look alittle more appealing.. I just dont understand why he would even want to touch me, when I look like this!?? Or maybe he has sort of forgotten or made me out to be this better looking girl than I am and he'll be all disapointed (but nice Im sure) when he sees me..

Im sure ALL of you have said this at one point or another.. If only I were slim.... life would be so easy..

and I know it wouldnt be,, but for now, this is the ONLY thing that is making me feel like I should just cancel. Its just too much maybe right now!! But Im sooo ready to have someone in my life,. I havent had someone I actually like in my life for a while. I always settle for the ones Im not that attracted to and dont get hit on alot, because its easier than actually trying to get the attention of the ones that I do like. but now its happening.. I have his attention.. and Im scared shitless!!!

I think what I need right now is just some, 'support', shared stories,to hear that having bigger thighs, a belly that hangs over my undies is not reason to hide, and he probably likes me for.. me?! I guess Ive answered my own question,.. I just wish I could feel good about myself...

One thing – guys like girls who are confident! If you are worrying about all those things he is going to sense it and shy away. You are beautiful you know you are and let it show!

Another thing is… not all guys like skinny girls. Some guys are turned off by it – so don’t worry about being a little thinner – he obviously likes you for you are are - or he wouldn’t have agreed to the date in the first place.

I have been over weight my whole life and never had a problem getting a guys attention and the guys attentions I can’t get are the ones I don’t want to date. If they don’t like me because I am fat I wouldn’t want to date them even if I were skinny. That is how I have always thought of it and that is how I always will.

My boyfriend now loves me, he doesn’t care that my tights rub together or that my tummy hangs over my pants… he doesn’t even notice. And I know he doesn’t say that to make me feel good because he is a VERY honest boy (too honest in fact).

So if this guy is turned off because you have some nice curves then he wasn’t the right guy in the first place.

“You are beautiful inside and out.”
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hilar...rstrength.html

Hey you... if this guy wasn't interested, he wouldn't be coming to your house.

(had to bold that last statement!)

Just relax, be yourself and let him like you for who you are. If he doesn't like you for who you are, he's not worth it to begin with.

:hug:

And like "sotypical" said (do you have a name??? lol!) be confident. Let your confidence radiate through the house so much it will blind him.

Be relaxed, act interested in what he has to say and you know the old saying - my God, whatever you do or DON'T do, laugh at his jokes!

lol!

There we go! I do now! It's Courtnie :)

Very pretty name :)

She's gonna be alright with this date, I know she will.

It's funny, I sorta envy her. I've been with the same guy for almost 16 years and sometimes I miss the dating and the excitement of a new guy and all. Not that I don't love my big baby, but new guys are fun :)

Yeah Mukisa, just go and find out! He has seen you, and the way you look obviously didnt "rule you out", in fact he decided to pursue you. Even if things dont work out for whatever reason, you'll probably have fun and he will make you feel good and girly and all that fun date stuff.

I think that if you didnt go, you would regret it later... "what if?"s suck.

Thanks :)

I agree I have been with my man a year and a half and I love to a million pieces but I love the feeling of a new relationship! It is always so exciting when you start dating someone new!

I totally agree with Courtnie. Not all guys like skinny girls. My hubby is a perfect example.
I can tell you that although I've known my hubby for over 15 years our relationship started off as a great friendship. He tells me to this day that my confidence, my humor and my ability to listen is what attracted him to me. Even now after 10.5 years of being married he often tells me to worry less about what I look like and just be yourself. It's funny because when I worry less about what people think of my looks I have a lot better time.

So please don't cancel. Take this as a opportunity to enjoy yourself. Be who you are and if he doesn't like it then its not meant to be.

Have a Great evening and be sure to let us know how things went.

Leec

This all makes sense to me too!! And I am (well on the surface) a person who has confident qualitities, and can look like Im having a good time, but I just think about how when thin girls go on dates, it doesnt seem like they have to try as hard.. Like , they can just be there, and they still get guys... I have to , it seems jump through hoops, try to find an outfit thats flattering, think about how I will look to him, and worry myself sick..

this is helping though, thank you.. I dont even really have a plan of what to do, I was thinking going for a walk down by the waterfront.. something where I won't be always trying to sit in a way that hides my body! At least there he can see how fit I am by moving and walking!

It doesnt help either that he is like 140 tops, and I weigh in at about 150 adn Im 5'3"! I hate when guys are smaller than me, just looks wrong all over..

Why is it , that MY body is the type thats considered 'not ideal' or borderline obese according to those horrible BMI charts.. I am so friggin' fit, I can run up to 8km's if I push myself and can keep up with the guys in my boot camp class. So why am I considered the bad one? With no will power? That is looked down apon for wanting to wear clothes that 'thin' people wear..

Speaking of, damn I have nothing to wear tonight....

When I get home from work,Im going to put on some upbeat music, tidy up, have a nice long shower, and get into the mood.. and forget about what I look like.. if only for one night!!!

I love this forum, its unconditional love!!

Hi Mukisa! We are similar in body shape. I know JUST how you feel. I am very fit too. I remember being so upset and insulted when I was out with my cousin and we had to run to see something fun that was going on, and he was so surprised that I could run a whole block or two. I was so insulted... I mean, do I really look that grossly bloblike? I am so fit. It took 0 effort to jog a block or two I mean cmon, I do step aerobics! :O(

I think your walk idea is GREAT.

Had to repeat to make sure you saw this. Have fun!:carrot:

Hope she did :)

Mukisa, please let us know how your date went. I, for one, am dying to know!

Me too!!

Hope it's going well! :D

I've heard guys make comments that they like a little bit of a belly, that too skinny is unattractive. And I've seen a lot of good looking guys date heavy women. You're valuable just the way you are!

OK, now tell us how your date was... :)

Yeah, I've actually talked to guys who prefer girls on the bigger side than those on the smaller side. Here's a hypothetical test for ya'll: a guy and a girl are having a date, and it gets to be around 11:00. The guy says, "Hey, wanna go out for a pizza?"

Option A: Girl says, "Yeah, let's go! Let's get a couple beers, too!" And she's heavier as a result of such foodular freedom.

Option B: Girl says, "No way! I can't eat carbs after 6." And she's skinny.

I guarantee you the guy will prefer option A every time!

Just remember, he's prolly some where saying.. what if she remembers me as better looking or with bigger muscles.. what if I am too skinny or my butt is too flat or I have bird legs...oh my, I was wearing a hat the night we met and she doesn't know i'm going bald!

Very good point EJM.. you know guys are self concious too!!

I have never had a problem getting at least SOME of the guys that I have wanted in my day. I have found though that guys talk to me less since I have lost weight. My sister ( who has never been overweight) says that now they are more intimidated by me as where before they were more secure in talking to me. I say whatever to that, that was just a nice way of saying they thought I should be flattered that they even wanted to talk to me. Anytime a guy found out I was trying to lose weight, even if he wanted to hook up with me or not, they have always said.. PLEASE dont lose your curves. Alot, ALOT.. of guys think that women without a little cushion is just "not as nature intended" lol

i have to agree with alot of what the girls here are saying...since i've lost 25 pounds, i have found i am much more outgoing and confident. of course, let me pass by a window or mirror and that confidence goes by the wayside...but i have definately gotten alot more confident. i am like hitting on every good looking guy i see. matter of fact, there is the guy here at work i ran into who had told me every time he saw me that i was looking great. so finally, i stopped in on his shift and started talking to him. and he asked me out. we have been out once but we talk to each other every day or text message all the time...and he introduced me to his kids...and he's met mine and love them...and he is coming over to dinner for my birthday next weekend. I think we are working on being friends right now (he just got out of a 5 year relationship, so i figure i will be there to help him thru it) and hopefully, as we learn more about each other...maybe we will be something more. but because of my confidence to go in there and talk to him...he has asked me out and if nothing else...i have a great new friend.

if the guy wasn't interested...he wouldn't have asked you out!! have fun and let us know how it went!!! :)

Hey!!!!!

While going back and reading my original post, I see all my insecurities from not just dating, but from life at school, playing sports, from the criticisms from my family and strangers, and it manifests into these areas of my life that are suppoed to be fun and exciting..

Anyway, so he came over last night while it was still light out, my favourite time of day, when the sun is starting to go down and everyone has that glow look. He brought over a bottle of wine (which we drank!) and after having a glass or two at my place on the balcony we went for our walk, which was soooo nice!! He complimented me, confessed he was a little nervous but excited, and of course, I got a kiss out of it!! Its the lake and the sunset I tell you, makes anyone look beautiful..

I guess I needed that last night.. I did forget about my belly my thighs , for a while.. We did pass some downright gorgeous women and couples and I felt my anxiety raise but reminded myself this is my time, not theirs...

Will I be seeing him again? definately. We have a date for saturday... I haven't been back in this game for a while, but I think it feels right, right now..

Thank you so much for your support, Courtnie, PeeB, LLV everyone....

hahah. and not to double post at all but.. I just read ejm and yes.. He is smaller than me, IS 'thinning' on top, and I think he is sexy as ****.. So, yes we do have to remember they may have their insecurities too.. I was surprised to hear that he had been thinking about me all day and that he finished up his work he needed to do today, in case he stayed out late (he did!)... He said he had butterflys in his stomach!! I thought, nah, he won't be thinking about it hes too busy at work... haha! Even if it doesnt work out or whatever, I am at least building up my confidence with men and knowing how I should be treated. Because in the past, I have let some guys walk over me because I didn't think i had a choice, or I figured that was normal... No, having someone care about what your saying , and not just try to 'speed things up' or see you in one way, is how I should be treated!! And how ALL of us should be..

Woohoo!!!!

I'm so glad it went good and that you're going to see him again.

Congrats :carrot:

yay!:carrot:
That is great news. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time.
I hope Saturday is just as good.

Leec

That is so great that you guys had a good time.

yea!! sitting here smiling with you! :D

:carrot: Glad you had a great time.... now what to wear on Saturday?!?!?:lol:

Sounds like you had a WONDERFUL night! So happy for you!! yayyy!!!!

awwwwwh, I'm so glad it went well!

damn I'm jealous!

YAY!

:banana:

I'm glad you had fun last night :) He sounds like a good guy! Dating can be hard with all the insecurities, eh?

-Aimee