Victory is sweeter than candy!
 

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How long have you been losing weight? Whats holding you from that last 10lbs you want to lose? You can lead a horse to but you cant make it drink. What works for one person doesnt work for the other. *I* know how to lose weight.. but I am here for support as well as too support. I may be out of line to ask this, what do you come here for??? Do you come here to make people feel like what small changes they HAVE made are insignificant? Do you come here for support?? I just ask because you seem to be holier than thou in your posts. I know, and apparently you know that a healthy "diet" and active lifestyle are key to losing weight, but there are people who take different approaches and do succeed. There is always more than one way to do things. Maybe Im just cranky today, but this post came off to me more condesending than helpful.

I have to "ditto" the previous poster.

"Moderate" has multiple definitions.

I am glad your path worked for you, but that doesn't mean that it is the only path that will work for everyone else.

Your way is not about me. My way is about me. Your way is about you.

There are many paths to health and happiness. Please, can you share some respect for paths beyond your own?

midwife (who has learned through the years to try and meet women where they are and that what *I* think they need is not always what *they* actually need)

What do I come here for? Because people who weigh over 200 pounds are here and I think that I can help them improve their health and their lives. I lived in an obese body for many years and know what it is like on both sides of the journey.

I get support when giving support. Helping someone to get healthier makes my day. To know that I played a role in someone creating ONE healthy habit in the life makes my day well spent.

My question is, why is there a problem with that? Can we only offer support if we haven't successfully lost weight, or if we have lost weight but haven't made it a "career"? Or is there a limit to how much we can care and want to help? If you are passionate and believe you are right, it is obnoxious to share it? If you think you can help someone else, but you DON'T, isn't that morally reprehensible?

Sorry some feel that my wanting people to drink water, exercise and get empowered and healthier is a pushy approach.

300,000 people die each year because of obesity related causes.

many more than that lead lives with comprised quality of life due to immobility, poor health, economic hardships......many women are left by their husbands because of their weight, me included......

I can't sit by and watch it without shouting as loudly as I can what I believe to be the easiest and most effective way to change our lifestyles.

I call it passion.

You can call it obnoxious, pushy, arogant or whatever else you want.

When I lay my head on my pillow at night, what keeps me up isn't someone not liking me, it is someone not getting healthier because I didn't do my best to reach them.

It's a mission, not a hobby.

Ummm, Julia, I did not call you any names. I agree that we need to make better choices about food, movement and water.

Your approach may (will!) turn off people to your message.

answer to ?s
 

[QUOTE=Ready2ShedLBS] how long have you been dieting....I just ask because you seem to be holier than thou in your posts....more condesending QUOTE]

I lost 130 pounds, it took 15 months. I have kept it off for 10 years, with the exception of gaining 25 in 2004 due to three failed pregnancies and hormones to try to stop them from failing. I have lost all but 10 pounds of it and at 43 find it more difficult to lose than when I was 33.

I workout 4 times a week at bodypump for one hour of cardio/weight lifting. I use my elliptical machine for 1 hour 3-5 times a week. I drink 80 ounces of water a day. I eat a fairly healthy diet and do not consume my major vices foods of icecream, fast food, pasta and cookies at all, and bread in moderation but certainly there are other areas that could use improvement.


NOT holier than thou or anyone else. I was a 290 pound woman with failing health. I gave up trying to lose weight via ridiculous means and started focusing on improving my health, gee, that brings about weight loss, too! and without crazy diets, pills, potions or fads.....to me, that's a message worth sharing!

Hi Julia,
I have a lot of passions about health choices, too. But if I counselled a woman about smoking during pregnancy, breastfeeding, domestic violence, whatever, you pick the topic, and I do so in a "my way or the highway" manner, she will pick the highway and I will have lost any opportunity to influence her behaviors. If I meet her where she is at, help her develop strategies to achieve her goals (hers, not mine!), and praise her for the steps she takes, she may continue that journey. And it is her journey.

Midwife, honestly, if a woman were pregnant and smoked, you would not passionately inform her that smoking was harmful and encourage her to stop such self/baby destructive behavior? and you would support her in her decision to continue smoking, even though you know how harmful it is?

or if a woman was being beaten, you wouldn't try to get her to seek help?

I would obviously suck at being a midwife because if a woman came to me who had been beaten, I would move her in with me and get her as far away from the violent man as possible and help keep her and her child safe. I would rather error on the side of putting my "way" first than see her beaten again.

or breastfeeding? You wouldn't site all of the success stories you could of infants with stronger immune systems? mothers health improvements and more facts to back up your belief that breastfeeding is the BEST way to go?

sure, you can't make a woman stop smoking, leave an abusive relationship or make her breastfeed, but you would try, wouldn't you?

or do we just hope people find the answers on their own? how is that influencing their behaviors?

The best way to help others is to lead by example and sharing what you know to work well, or even what you think would work well. But, if you try to "influence the behavior" of others, but you don't come from a position of certaintly and conviction, why would they follow your advice? If you KNOW, you know.......and it is an obligation to atleast inform.

Why do you all seem to think I am being 'mean' or trying to allienate others by "how" I say it?? All that I am saying is JUNK in, JUNK stays in! Healthy things in, healthy throughout.

Is there ANY other way?

I am NOT saying to "diet" in any certain way, low carb if you want, south beach if you want, watch your weight, buy prepackaged food.......whatever your choice of "plan is" go for it, but the point is, GO FOR IT! Drink water, exercise your body as you are able and gradually increase your fitness level to where you want to be, choose healthy foods and IF you have a "thing" for a particular food and it controls you and accounts for a great deal of your excess weight, try going without. It is much easier not to have the first bite than to have one bite and long for another one.

If that doesn't sound reasonable to you, do it whatever way you desire, but do it! Obesity is killing too many people and I for one hate to hear about another person dying from Gastric Bypass or another 18 year old having a heart attack, and so on.

90,000 cancer deaths would not have happened last year, "if the person would have been at a healthier weight"--American Cancer Association..not me!

I think it is helpful to encourage people to get healthier.

Yes, I try. On HER terms. If she cuts back by one cigarette, or has an emergency plan in place, or chooses to breastfeed for one week, then that is a success for her. But if I beat her over the head that she should live her life according to my expectations, then she won't hear a word I say. Rather, I meet her where she is, educate her gently, and encourage her. There is a lot of grey in the real world.

I gues that is where we differ then, I don't think there is a "grey" area, it either is healthy or it isn't.

Now, we all make choices that aren't as healthy as another choice might be, but it is my opinion that we should rationalize and say that a Big Mac, fries and sugar-filled soft drink is healthy or "OK" to eat "in moderation". How can one eat that meal in moderation? only once a day? once a week? once a month?

ONE meal like that has been clinically proven to decrease blood flow in the main artery by 50% and stay that way for up to 6 hours. If one is 300 pounds, lives with a very stressed heart already, "one" more time of that meal, could very well be there last.

I am not an unrealistic person and I do see totally what you are saying.

I agree with gently moving someone forward. For example, a new client of mine had gastric bypass surgery 2 years ago, she lost around 75 pounds and has put 40 of it back on and is scared to gain more and wants to lose 100 pounds. She eats ALOT of candy every day, so much it makes her sick, but she keeps doing it.

I think most of her other habits are pretty healthy and realistic for her but the candy is a big deal and keeping her unhealthy. So, we are trying to bust it. She made it one week without candy, her first week with me. Today she said "she felt amazing, really good. Couldn't believe she went all week without ANY and for the first time in years is relieved at the thought that on Monday morning she isn't going to be driving all over town trying to buy Easter candy on sale"

I told her that it is likely that she will eat candy again sometime.....but that the goal is to take it ONE day at a time, not have it "today" and to also realize that most importantly is IF/When she does eat some that she amount of time that it takes to get back on the wagon is short and then the time between that slip up and the next one get further and further.....that way in the future perhaps she will only have candy a couple of times a year, get immediately back on track and go longer until the next time........rather than
as we all too often do:
"going on a diet, falling off the diet and taking weeks to decide to go on yet another diet..........and so on!"

it is a gentle approach, but it is firm...and, my experience and that of thousands of women I know of, has been that gaining control over the things that have for too long controlled us is empowering and brings great freedom.

"on her terms". What about raising children? or training employees? We don't let them do it on their terms, we do it on our terms, what we think is the right way. Are their other ways? Leaders lead because they think they know the way

Julia, if you are so commited to altruistic support, why don't you just post your plan here rather than continually posting your email or asking for PM's. Very generous of you to offer it for free to jillpep :)

Since most of what you post are crossposts from your blog, why not post in the proper forum? Or are you dancing around the forum rules about self-promotion in the guise of support to fish for new clients and customers for your upcoming book?

Mel

I'm a nurse and I'm agreeing with midwife in spades! You can only teach if someone is listening. If I push until a patient pushes back ... they're already heading in the wrong direction, aren't they?

and this line ....."on her terms". What about raising children? or training employees? .... my patients and midwife's clients are not under our authority. We are in fact their employees.

I also bristle when I read references to fads, pills and potions. There is a forum here that debunks junk. Most posters here follow (and promote) healthy eating styles. As witnessed just recently in a poll, in fact.

Hi Julia,

I LOVE your passion regarding this subject! It really doesn't hurt anyone and I'm surprised that anyone is even remotely defensive about your stance and vehemance regarding the way you lost weight and how you share your story. Removing weight (not losing it - which would insinuate that it's something you are looking to get back) is not something you can go into half-heartedly and succeed no matter what you 'diet' you chose to be on. Being passionate and steadfast will carry the dieter through any plateau, no matter how long it lasts. I call it keeping an eye on the prize...

I do believe there are many roads to losing weight (there I go again, hard to get rid of that mindset) I mean removing weight - what works for one just may not work for another. I was not 'passionate' enough to make the other diets work for me over the long haul so I chose to go through surgery. That's certainly not for everyone - but I'm going to make it work for me.

The other piece of the puzzle is definitely exercise. Being diligent in this area has to equal the amount of diligience put forth on the diet. Lifting weights is part of that equation since muscles need more calories to operate than fat does.

Please continue to shout your experience to the roof (I know that I do it about my experience, and people can see the results I've had - and they are probably sick of me too!). Even if it only helps switch the lightbulb on for just one person, it's well worth it.

Thanks for sharing your road with us as well as your philosophy to the mental attitude of removing weight. Everyone that is in this same boat needs to support one another - it's hard enough as it is.

Thanks again and keep up the GREAT work!

Did Meg respond? I only see a post from Mel.

Julia, I would like to hear how you lost your weight. It would be helpful if you posted it right here. I will say that I've reviewed a few of your posts and though you sound very informed I didn't think much of your messages.

Please let me tell you why. I haven't yet found (though I haven't read all of your posts) you asking for advice or mentioning that you don't have the answers. I have experiences to share... but I am also in need of help. Even after 20 years of maintenance I expect I will still need help and have no qualms about asking for it.

I see Julia that you just edited your post to say "Mel" instead of "Meg".
You edit a lot after someone else has posted.
It makes me dizzy.:dizzy:

Want to know why your original post struck a nerve with me?? Because it was RANDOM. Its not like you were posting in response to someone needing help, you were just posting your little article-esque post. Eat less, exercise more.. you think?!?!?!

If you come here for "recreation" as I have seen you post, during your "down time" then why must you be shouting your message, to people who arent asking for an opinion?! Dont you have millions of readers, and "clients" that you shout to all week? We are all women here who are strong enough to do it on our own, thats why we are here. We have each other.

Believe me, if I was going to pay to lose weight, I would go get a nutritionist, and a personal trainer. So if you are soo concerned with "us" then post your plan for free and get it over with. The "Fat Chicks" can post their book here, its THEIR site. Maybe they dont want to publish your plan for review in their book because of your "my way or the highway" attitude. Like Jill said.. its not WHAT you say its HOW you say it.

Also, this IS the internet, you DO this for a living, why should WE believe that you were ever FAT?

Ok.. so I watched the video, and clearly... u were fat.

So do you have a trainer or not? Cuz the video shows you with a trainer and then you say you dont have a trainer?

Also, how much ice cream did you eat? Cuz they were killing me with showing scoops of ice cream, like it was the only thing that made you fat.

It is apparent that you lost a considerable amount of weight. However, the video and your message here doesn't give me any specifics about your struggle. Other than you gave up ice cream and started to watch what you eat. Please tell me more about the exercises. The video only mentions that you did weight training intensively for 20 minutes once a week.

There is little chance of me becoming "evangelical" about helping others. Though I give 100% to help others, I get back much more than that. One thing I will always be sure of is that I don't know all the answers. Even if something is right for me.. or worked for me.. it doesn't mean it applies to someone else.

If you toned down your message which seems to be 'I CAN HELP YOU. I have the answers' your message would get across better. Listen to yourself at the very end of your tape. "They know they can do it because I did it." I find that a bit arrogant and insensitive to the uniqueness of other peoples struggles.

You can tell others what you have been through. And perhaps someone can glean something from your experience,.. but no one person has the answers for anyone else much less EVERYONE else. That is what makes 3FC so unique. WE are free to express ourselves and respect that other people are following their own paths. Who is to say it won't work for them?

Also, I have already ordered a copy of 3FC and can't wait for it to come out. Of course this site should be promoting the book. It is our story. It is their story. The help I am receiving here and the friends I am making are at least worth me purchasing the book.

I am sure you can find another way to do your "evangelizing" and promoting your own products. The internet is a big place.

Amen to that Jayde.

Julia, you know.. You say you are on a "mission" I find that hard to believe. The 3FC may be able to call their cause a mission. After all they do supply us a place to HELP each other for FREE. I dont get any ads.. its called a pop up blocker. I spend alot of time on 3FC because I have lost so much weight, and I want to tell people, when they are sad.. that its ok. Help pick them up when they fall, NOT kick them while they are down. Where have you contributed to that?? No where that I have seen.

I am passionate about having lost as much weight as I have. But Im not profiting from it, I probably could. It doesnt take a genius. However, I know when I was overweight, I couldnt PAY to get help. I figured it out on my own, and a person with passion wouldnt want someone else to have to "figure it out".

Jeeze.. now I AM sorry I even asked.
Because my question and intent really were sincere.

Sincere? You guys have bashed me all night. I am sorry I tried to help. So, readytoshed, you believe I was fat, thanks. Like someone would lie about that?

I hope that you ladies are happy with the fact you treated someone very cruely tonight.

My intentions are sincere and my heart has been in this forum trying to help others for many months.

I just spent about a two hours removing all of them and will not bother you folks again.

Please point out where I have been bashing you.
All I did was give you advice.
You give advice.
But when others try to help you.. you call it bashing..
Go figure...

I find that a bit harsh. and readytoshed called me a liar saying why should she believe I lost weight.....

And a wonderful job you do of it, too! I am one who appreciates your encouragement and caring attitude. Thanks!! :hug:

That would be a dream come true, because we mods have been wondering what to do with you. :yes:

To the rest of you ladies and gents... thanks to all of you for your many supportive posts to one another. That's what this forum is all about, and it wouldn't be such a source of comfort without your help. :grouphug: