I hate it when people...
 

I hate it when people always have a comment about what you're eating when they know you are trying to lose weight.

My mother constantly says something about what I am eating. For example, We went out to eat on my "free day" and I decided to get ribs. She said, "are you suppose to have that", or "how many calories is that." It absolutely gets on my last nerve!!!

But on the other side she tells me I don't need to lose anymore weight because she is use to my face being "full"! WTF :?: Or does she mean FAT!!!

The latest was I was trying on a sleevless dress and she said, "What are you going to do about your arms? You put makeup on those marks right? Meaning stretch marks!
Now mind you - I wore sleeveless shirts when I was 236 pounds and have NEVER put makeup on my arms. I have more stretch marks on my arms now than I did when I was bigger. I am not sure if it from weights, losing weight or what but that is besides the point.

Why do people do that??? She is going to say something that rubs me the wrong way and I am going to forget she is my mother and say something not so nice! :devil:

Just needed to vent!

She kinda sounds like my gramma. Except my gramma would always remind me how fat I was and how I should lose weight. She would say, "oh, have you tried this? It is really low in fat!" or "you shouldn't eat that." She bought me a weigh scale as a house warming present when I moved out on my own for the first time. I finally told her that I knew I was fat and I knew I needed to lose weight - I didn't need her reminding me.

Perhaps tell your mom nicely; something similar. Tell her that you don't need makeup on your arms to cover your stretch marks because you just happy that they are smaller. When she tries to tell you what to eat kindly tell her that you know what you can and can not eat. Be polite but blunt.

Are we sisters?? Tell mom to call me! :lol3:

I know how you feel my mom always did me that way too. She always had something to say about what I ate, and it did lead me to secret eatting. I know shes your mom,but you may have to put her in her place. *respectfully of course* You have more stretch marks now then you did when you were bigger because your shrinking and now you can just see them better.. eventually they will turn white and they wont be so promanent. Dont let it get to you girl. People like that, whether they are family or not, sometimes you just have to politely say, mind your own.

Sigh....some things NEVER change. I'm 51 years old and my mother still does similar things to me. She's now taken to introducing me as "my daughter who used to be really fat. Just how fat were you? Tell us what you used to weigh!"

There's a book I heard reviewed called You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation that addresses all this stuff. I think I'll order TWO copies :devil:

Mel

I know exactly how you all feel! My grandma (she means to be helpful and all but sometimes it dosnt seem like it) will say things like "you shouldnt eat that" in front of my entire family and its embarassing, and my dad will say things like "are you allowed to eat that?" its like whatever im doing works ive lost 30-some lbs eating what i eat, so leave me be! Dont worry girls eventually we'll be able to eat whatever we want without any thinking twice about saying something about lossing weight and or cheating on our diets.

It could be that your mom just doesn't know what to say - a lot of people are awkward around people who are losing weight - especially those who have never gone through it before. They don't want to overcompliment, because saying you look SO good now means they thought you didn't look so good before... so maybe she thinks she's trying to help you stay on track by questioning what you're eating? Or, well, maybe she's just the type of person who's missing taht filter between their mind and their mouth! If it were me I'd tell her how I feel - just flat out let her know that it really doesn't help when she makes these comments, and that if she's not going to be supportive than she doesn't need to say anything about your food or your body. She may not realize that it's rude and that it bothers you.

Would u believe that when my dad came over from Germany to visit me after 4 years.....second thing he said to me after hello.....was " Geee youre not prego whats up with the this? Pointing to my belly.... :(
I was so upset I could have balwed!!!
He also keeped making those statements" Yeah another cookie sure wont hurt you!" "You gonna diet ?" " What happend to you?"

I was so upset,,,,I told Mike ( hubby) He just told me to ignore it because in his eyes I was perfect. And thats all that matterd...
I dont know why my dad is this way, he was never skinny..(construction worker) but he always made fun of people who were heavy. Even when I was little he always did this to me. I think really thats the reason I startet to smoke,,,thought I could controll the urge to eat :(

He is gone now.......but the words still hurt. SO if ya need a leaning shoulder for ure head u let me know ......
Or if ya just wanna yell thats fine too.... that goes for all u girls here !

People are so mean....sometimes they dont even know how long the effect of those words are. As too how to deal with them......beats me I havent figured that out yet.

Oh, boy can I relate to this! My father, who is WAY heavier than I am, says this kind of thing to me all the time. My grandmother used to, until I was diagnosed with an endocrine disorder. I think sometime around my graduation with my master's degree (about a year after I was diagnosed, but before I was on all the meds I'm on now), my mother sat her down and told her that she needed to stop. We used to have huge fights whenever I was home because of it. Both my mom and grandmother are much more supportive, and have become even more so in the last year since I was put on a much stricter diet. The medication and the whacky hormone levels make me nauseated frequently, so there are many things that I cannot eat anymore. I don't do well with refined grain products or sugars, I can't eat chicken, etc. We're Jewish, and you should see what my mom and grandmother have done so I can participate in the holiday meals. They cook everything with this special vegetable shortening (no chicken fat for me!), and my mom spent 30 minutes in the grocery store looking for a turkey gravy that didn't have chicken in it at Thanksgiving! :)
But, I have problems with people that I work with, who don't know me. I'm also allergic to chocolate (have had that my whole life). And the parents of my students can be pretty bad too. I teach students with cognitive issues (mental ******ation, mostly), and many of my students are overweight or have very unhealthy eating habits. We (myself and the severe disabilities teacher) have rules for the cafeteria that they have to have vegetables and fruit with their lunch, and they can't just eat junk. One of my kids likes to buy 4 cookies and a large chocolate milk and call it lunch. The last time he did that, I took 3 cookies from him and traded him for some of the healthier food we had in the classroom (we have a class store with healthy snacks and such). The cookies were placed in the clasroom fridge, and he was told he could have 1 each day for the rest of the week. He told his mother I ate the cookies! Fortunately, my chocolate allergy was already well known, and I was able to show 2.5 cookies in the fridge (he dropped one and half of it shattered onto the floor! But, oh... it was horrible to hear that kid repeat what his mother said about me. 'She's so fat anyway, she shouldn't be telling YOU about healthy eating!'
:mouse:

Wow. I hate to burst your bubble, but if you go back to eating whatever you want, you'll be right back where you started. Maintaining looks a lot like what you are doing to lose the weight.

Mel

^^^^^ Agreed... that's what got me fat in the first place!

Mels right! This is a total lifestyle change!

I have almost the oposite happening with my mom. She tells me I'm big and have rolls to my face but when we are out in public she tells people "look at her, she thinks she's fat!" huh, I wonder why I think that!!??

Funny thing is,,,,she's bigger than me! Jealous??

Yea, you would think some people in my family became bonfied diet experts and you are the novice and don't know better.

My issue over the weekend with a family member was "Isn't potatoes bad for you?" Should you be eating potatoes?

OMG! we worked down from the sweets to the veggies now.

I guess I do not suppose to have potatoes but yet everybody gripes when I bring broccoli and cauliflower in the house.

I am waiting for the bread to be attacked next.... I know its coming.:rolleyes:

I had something like this happen to be yesterday...I was looking for a swinsuit and my hubby's grandma was tring to give me a swimsuit. She said it use to belong to a "big girl".......I was like:yikes: WTF I went home and walk for 40 mins and did lots of crunches.......

Unless we learn to WANT to eat the way we are. :) That is my goal... but LOL your point is VERY well made!! Eating what and when we want is exactly why we ended up like this LOL. :hug:

This is why I do not tell anyone I am changing my life style and losing weight. It seems like they say things and then I become what I call a "closet eater" and I do not want to do that again. So instead I fly low and eat better. I have lost some weight and not one person has noticed. But I have. I wish I knew why people say such things it is hurtful and I wish they would understand that.

I can relate to this one too. I have lost some weight and not one person has noticed. But I have. I know they have noticed, my clothes hang but they don't say anything so I just go along my own business :) I try not to tell anyone in the beginning either but eventually they will figure it out. People who "have their say" drive me bonkers!

It's my Dad not my Mom--Dad told me I was fat at 15 and weighing 125. His latest comments were after I told him that I am thinking about going back to school. I was pregnant with my first child at 18 so I didn't go after high school. I have a really good job that I have worked my way up to and have been in management for the last 15 years. I am thinking about switching gears and doing something in the nursing field. I am tired of being the boss and go-to person where I work. My Dad told me I am too old at 40 to go back to school and that at 210 I am way too fat to have a job that I would be standing all day. I was 180 - 200 while managing a Sheetz store and I stood all day then for 10 + hour shifts. At this point I am just refusing to talk to him.
I also have a coworker that constantly comments on what I am eating and giving me copies of articles on various diets. I am losing she's not.

My brother has been this person for me...Out of everyone in my family he is fit and active. He eats well...he is successful...he's the Golden Boy.

My mom does things like this too...but...we don't get a long anyway, so I don't notice it unless she says something REALLY stupid.

*sigh* Anyway. ;)

My 85 year old dad just can't help commenting on my weight every.single.time.he.sees.me!!! Aughhh! His last nugget of wisdom..."if you just eat less and exercise you'll lose weight." I said, "Thanks Dad. I hadn't heard that before." :rolleyes:

well, i've lost 25 pounds so far, so i love when people at work question me if i have a cookie, or serving of chips with my meal at lunch. just today, the cutie who does our 2-7 air shift asked if i should be eating chips after walking at lunch. i said "sure...that's why i walk". but then i said "no, i don't eat chips anymore." and one of the ladies who has started walking with me fusses at me if i say i am having carrots with my lunch. that they are high in sugar. that phc wouldn't let her have carrots when she went to them years ago. but yet, she can go out and have a starch loaded baked potatoe with her dinner. crazy huh??? :)

but for the most part, i don't have too many people questioning what i eat. because obviously i'm doing something right to have lost 25 pounds. (and i still eat cookies whenever i feel like it....i just only have one or two a day) :)

I really think that my mother simply has to have a comment about everything. I love her dearly, but she definitely works my nerves. I finally told her that I know what I am doing and I do not need to be questioned about what I eat everytime we are together.
She said that she did not realize that it hurt my feelings and she apologized.

I am going to happily wear my size 14 dress to the wedding this weekend - stretch marks and all!!!

You know its bad of me to say, but I had this happen to me today.I have a women ask me what I did to lose all my weight....Well I know she is never going to start a plan to lose any weight she is the type to ask just to see what you will say....I told her "eat right and workout" it was like I had punched her. I think she was want me to tell her about some kind of pill or something.

To me there is nothing more to this than getting up off my butt and doing what I know is right. Hard Work!!!! and lots of it.

I am sorry if this got off the subject....I have just had this alot in the past week......

I can completely relate to this. I was talking to my brother the other day, I haven't seen him in about 4 years (long story) and I am planning on going up to Toronto this weekend for Easter and we'll be seeing eachother. Anyway, during our conversation my brother was like "so, mom told me you've put on some weight" I couldn't believe that my mother thought that was something relevant to her conversation w/ my brother. Then my brother (jokingly) adds "you little chunker" Are you kidding me right now?? I know he was joking, but even still...so not necessary!!

I feel your pain ladies!

One of my favorite bloggers deals with weight issues on a regular basis in her writing, I thought these few recent posts would be apropos for the discussion going on here so here are the links:

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/04/curse-of-mim.html

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/04/body-ish-ues.html

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/04...othes-off.html

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/04...m-*******.html

I love Kiki Sammis, I know you will too. :D

ROF that cracks me up too when people start saying we should not eat stuff like carrots LOL.. of course the big bowl of chocolate someone plops in the middle of the office no one comments on LOL

Carrots are NOT what put all this extra weight on me LOL

I'm glad to see this thread cause I was just complaining the other day. The problem isn't my mom though, it's my grandfather. He's from Mexico, so now that I have lost weight he says "Oh no, now you too skinny. You have big bones." I still have the hispanic curves, but just LESS of them ;)

I'll never forget one time I went to a friend's house for a cookout that I hadn't seen in several months. This was, of course, before I lost my weight. And this was a friend that I'd known since I was 18 years old. I walked in his door and he looked at me and goes, "Well I see you haven't been missing any meals."

I'll never forget that as long as I live. I'd have rather been punched in the face.