I thought dieting was simple in concept. A slight alteration to certain foods should work for those who still judge by taste rather than nutrition. Maybe some add a little less oil to recipes, some would find healthier substitutes for snacks....As for me, I surrendered to healthy foods almost automatically, only because I wasn't NOT HEALTHY before my diet. I have a friend who, despite all the measures I take to motivate her, can't compromise on anything. It drives me absolutely NUTS. ("why don't you just try a little bit of [insert vegetable here]?" "NO, i HATE them!!!) The other day I suggested making some sort of sauteed vegetable and she really scared me when she said "I HATE them!" because she said it like she was going to kill me if I mentioned the vegetable twice.
She basically hates anything that's healthy. The only fruit she could eat are the ones that are loaded with preservatives in the jello cups. She can't eat vegetables at all (I think she eats them only when they are very salted and covered with cheese, cream or high fat dressing- it must be smothered in them!). She refuses to give up simple sugars and fatty meats, but she wants to lose weight. She complains that she doesn't have time to exercise when realistically she uses all the time she could use to exercise to sit in front of the TV. She makes excuses here and there, and I'm almost giving up trying to help her. She still continues on to say, "this time, I really want to lose weight" everyday. HOw in the world is it possible to show her that she needs to compromise a bit if she's going to lose weight? SHe eats like 2 meals and 2 snacks a day, but they are SOOOO high calorie- its almost always that her lunch is deep fried.
I was suppose to take the time this summer to motivate her, get her on a regular exercise routine and help her lose around a minimum of 20 lbs. I don't want her complaining about her size anymore..(she's a size 20 or so, age 20. Her 17 old sis looks exactly LIKE her, they could be twins, but the difference is, her sister's a size 2 MAX. So you can only imagine how she feels in comparison to her cutey sister.)
Someone please tell me what I should do to help such a stubborn girl
BY the way, she laughs at the idea of joining an online fitness and health forum. SHe think's I'm a nutjob for being on 3FC.
Last edited by veggielover; 04-02-2006 at 04:55 PM.
You can bring a horse to water....you know the saying. She has to live her own life and in this day and age when answers are at her finger tips, there is no excuse other then not wanting it bad enough. Maybe when she is a size 24,or 32 she will realize that she is infact endangering her life.
Till then you can, keep doing your own thing, explain why you are, and how you are doing it. Show her it can be a way of life, that goals are attainable. But also explain that you don't want to hear her doing her talk, until she is going to do the walk.
You sound like you are a good friend and have it together....lets hope she learns from your example.
It sounds to me like she's not truly ready yet. I see a little of myself several years ago in your description, and my own experience is that something inside needs to "click." I don't think it has with her yet.
Maybe right now the best thing you can do to help is to show by example. Perhaps offer her tastes of your food for now. She might realize she likes it and start slowly changing her eating habits. When you two spend time together, maybe you could suggest some easy activity like taking a short walk.
You sound like a good friend. Good luck to you both.
I think the only thing you can really do for her is be a good example. You can't make her want to lose weight or be healthy, unfortunately. But as she see's you slim down, have more energy, be happier in general, it can't help but affect her somewhat. I'd try to not force anything on her as you may lose the friendship in the process. Next time she says she needs to lose weight just tell her you're there to help her whenever she's ready.
This is what I would do...If she is ASKING for YOUR help this summer, sit her down, tell her you can't help her if she won't help herself, period, end of discussion and don't bug her again till SHE comes to you, then set the rules down again Sit her down and talk to her and if she says she "hates" all these healthy things, just squarely tell her you can't help her till she's ready to help herself... Then lead by example and don't bug her again AND tell her not to bug you again till she's ready... It may be a bit of tough love but I have no patience with people who give a gazillions excuses...
There is nothing that you can do, she has to want it badly enough. And you constantly bringing up her food choices and such all the time will probably make her resent you after awhile. I know you want the best for her but until she wants it too, there is nothing that you can do.
I would think that calorie counting would be the way to go. Help her understand the concept of eat less move more. Whatever she does, she won't stick with it if she doesn't like it. She doesn't have to eat vegetables to lose weight - she just has to consume under a certain amount of calories. She may find once she starts that she is hungry since she doesn't get much bulk without veggies.
But she definitely needs to really want it for herself. No matter what she says, it is what she does that counts. All the rhetoric in the world can't replace getting your off the couch and just doing it.
She basically hates anything that's healthy. The only fruit she could eat are the ones that are loaded with preservatives in the jello cups. She can't eat vegetables at all (I think she eats them only when they are very salted and covered with cheese, cream or high fat dressing- it must be smothered in them!). She refuses to give up simple sugars and fatty meats, but she wants to lose weight. She complains that she doesn't have time to exercise when realistically she uses all the time she could use to exercise to sit in front of the TV. She makes excuses here and there, and I'm almost giving up trying to help her. She still continues on to say, "this time, I really want to lose weight" everyday. HOw in the world is it possible to show her that she needs to compromise a bit if she's going to lose weight? SHe eats like 2 meals and 2 snacks a day, but they are SOOOO high calorie- its almost always that her lunch is deep fried.
Hello Veggie Lover,
Tell your friend healthy foods aren't all bad. She should know what she is doing ot her insides by eating all that juink I do eat Junk alot from Restaurants but I love eating Salads and Vegetables... I love peas and I don't eat anything on them I eat them alone. She complains that she can't lose weight but than says she does not have time to exercise but she uses an effortless activity such as watching tv when her arteries are corroding when she can be making herself healthier I don't see what her problem is I urge you to take her to a nutirtionist I don't care if the doctor has to scare to living daylights out of her she needs to eat healthier before she has a Heart Attack and sweety she can have one at a very young age you don't have to be middle aged. Oh your lunch can't be deep fried thats just the clogging of the artieries she does need to compromise and pleaes convince her she needs this pep talk
thank you guys. I'm going to take ilene's advice. I guess I'm just not going to bug her about it until she asks me for help again (next time will be the third time...::sigh:.
And yes, tracey, you are right. SHe does resent me for suggesting things, but I couldn't help it. I remember her asking for for help, and I thought I did. But I guess I can't make a horse drink. Thank you all for your suggestions. Hopefully she'll make an effort...
She has to be ready. And constantly throwing healthy foods and advice in her face is only going to put a strain on your friendship. My advice would be to back off and don't even mention any of this to her.
I remember when I ate the way she did. Did I want to hear preaching from someone who was losing weight and trying to get themselves healthy when I wasn't ready to do it yet myself? No, I didn't. In fact it made me resent them. I didn't want to talk about it.
Leave it be. No more voluntary advice or hints about eating certain foods. If she wants help, she'll come to you. But until then, drop the whole subject or you're gonna lose more than just your weight.
Just some friendly advice from someone who has already been down that road.
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to change. She might not have the motivation to change yet, all in good time. Keep being her friend and keep the motivation going desite thinking it is doing nothing, I'm sure you are a big help.
My friend lost tons of weight on wwers and never ate a single veggie. If you want it, it will come..
good luck...and go give her a hug she needs it!
She has to be ready. And constantly throwing healthy foods and advice in her face is only going to put a strain on your friendship. My advice would be to back off and don't even mention any of this to her.
I remember when I ate the way she did. Did I want to hear preaching from someone who was losing weight and trying to get themselves healthy when I wasn't ready to do it yet myself? No, I didn't. In fact it made me resent them. I didn't want to talk about it.
Leave it be. No more voluntary advice or hints about eating certain foods. If she wants help, she'll come to you. But until then, drop the whole subject or you're gonna lose more than just your weight.
Just some friendly advice from someone who has already been down that road.
well, i never really shoved anything in her face.. In fact, it's pretty much exactly what i didn't do. I never tell her what to eat until she asks me what I think is healthy. Occasionally she wants to split the cost of dinne when shopping, and she'll ask me what we can have without sacrificing health. And when I suggest things she'll get angry right away. I never in fact got to pick what we ate. She wouldn't compromise and she'd head for that really expensive cut of sirloin (we're 20yr old college students, and we can't afford these things!) . Later, when she makes the food, she'll realize that I'm not eating it even if I paid in part for it too. I'm never the type to criticize her for what she wants to do. I never ever once made a comment about weightloss to her, SHE COMES TO ME and asks all the time but she's never committed to it. And when she asks me why, I struggle to tell the truth and instead say, "well...must be the lack of exercise" because I know she;d get defensive about her food. You have to understand that I never preach to her because she's one of my best friends. However, the silence kills me when we go shopping and she has to look for special sizes and not find anything that would fit her. I guess I just needed to vent on 3FC about it .
VeggieLover, You sound like a great friend. Hopefully your friend will come around. Sometimes it takes a real wake up call for a person to decide to lose weight...For me it was having a miscarriage, for others it might be seeing a photo of themselves and realizing how big they really are, or a medical diagnosis like diabetes... Hopefully your friend wont have to have her health compromised before she realizes that her eating habits are destroying her health...
Lead by example, You're doing great
Yah... what Ilene said!!!! And Linda too. Sounds more like she is trying to get attention and manipulate you rather than lose weight.... you can be a support -- but it is HER responsibility to lose the weight; not yours for her.
Everyone is right that you can't do this for her. I know it is frustrating to have a friend who talks about losing weight but does nothing about it (heck, I used to frustrate MYSELF doing it). But, when she asks you for help don't give her anymore suggestions - she hasn't been receptive to them anyway. Instead, tell her that you will be happy to help and then ask her what it is she wants you to do. For all the similarities in our journeys we each have to find out own path to weight loss. It may be that you can best support her by just being her sounding board as she, through trial and error, finds hers.
Why Won't She Just Diet Already!
off the couch and just doing it.
. 
