There is another current thread on this very topic in the 100+ forum, you might want to take a look, even though you don't have that much to lose: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68217

Hi, Miaka. First, bravo on starting your diet again. The worst thing we can do is give up forever.

I think that perhaps you are micro-managing your diet. I am pretty bad about having an "all-or-nothing" attitude as well, but I am learning to try to just take each day as it comes, and trying to have more of an overall lifestyle rather than a new diet every couple of weeks.

You say you have every detail planned and then feel like a failure when you miss a scheduled exercise or eat something you shouldn't. I suggest looking at this as a minor pause, rather than something that ruins the whole diet. For example, yesterday was supposed to be my yoga/pilates day of exercising. I ended up getting caught up at work and not eating lunch and not getting home until about 9:30 at night. Well, it was way too late to work out, and I was very upset about that, but I decided to just have a very light dinner rather than just tossing the whole plan out the window. Or if I eat more than my alloted calories one day then I will do my very best to reduce my calories the next day, or exercise longer to compensate. I suppose what I am trying to say is try to realize that everything will balance out. While we can't have too many bad days, it is okay if we have one or two.

I think part of the problem with the whole concept of "dieting" is that it leads you to think you're either on one or not. It plays into the perfectionism trap where you make one misstep and you've "blown it" so you might as well eat whatever you want.

You'll hear a lot of people here talk about "lifestyle" rather than diet. I think it's a much more helpful concept. If you want to lose weight permanantly you have to find a way of eating that you can live with for the rest of your life. I think when you make this mental shift, it becomes a lot easier to stay on track and accept the little stumbles we all have as little blips in the overall big picture of a healthier way of life.

ditto what everyone said: if you feel you have to follow a plan exactly, you'll be more discouraged when you slip up. You have to let yourself be a human being.

What Tani said!

When I lost weight successfully (after three big attempts in my life where I lost a lot of weight and gained it all back and more), it was after I abandoned the idea of "diet" and decided to change how I eat forever. I am not on a diet, this is how I eat. Since I don't want to start something to reach a goal weight and then quit what I'm doing, I changed how I eat forever so I can live at my goal weight forever.

The worst thing we can do is give up forever.

Great quote!! Keep going, keep trying, and try not to let a small setback turn into a big one. I have lots of past experience with diets (all failed attempts), but Weight Watchers has been my salvation. I wish I had discovered it last year, but maybe I wouldn't have been ready, KWIM? Best of luck to you!

hi mia!
my biggest suggestion is get out of that on/off thinking thats what gets us in trouble. if you slip, forgive and move on.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68106

That is exactly the kind of thinking that caused me to lose weight, and then gain it all back and more when I stopped "dieting." As soon as I met a goal weight, I just started eating in the same destructive way that had made me heavy in the first place.

This time, I went into it with a plan for long term - my whole life. Maintenance is exactly the same hard work as losing weight. I do everything exactly the same (plan meals, shop/cook healthy, eat tons of fruits, vegetables, healthy protein) - I just allow myself more calories a day.

I'm determined to not re-gain any weight - the goal is to be at this weight forever.

That's why you feel like you're failing, hon. Believe me, I've been there. More times than I care to admit.

Planning out detail by detail, I discovered, was never a good idea. I always felt like a failure, too. So I sat down with myself and wrote out on paper WHY I felt like I was failing. That's the first thing you need to do. What, exactly, are you 'screwing up' to cause you to feel like a failure? That's the question you need to ask yourself, then write down your answers.

I discovered that I was setting unrealistic goals. Things like, "Okay, starting tomorrow I'm going to run (or walk) a mile a day. I won't eat this food ever again. I WILL eat this food whether I like it or not..." etc etc etc.

I was putting too many demands on myself, setting too many ridiculous 'rules'. Plus, calling it a "diet" was another mistake I was making. This isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change.

Now I tell myself, "If I get in some exercise, that's great. If I don't, I'm not going to punish myself for it. And I WILL eat my favorite foods, just in extreme moderation. And I WON'T force myself to eat something I can't stand."

Permanent changes that you can live with is the key. Move more, eat less, watch your calories if you're so inclined (many of us here count calories, but many of us don't feel comfortable with doing that, it's all what makes YOU happy and what works for YOU) and if you want that piece of pizza - on occasion, not on a regular basis - then have it. Just make sure it fits within your calorie range.

This is a lifetime thing for many of us and I'm not going the rest of my life without eating fried chicken again. I just eat it in moderation. Moderation being the operative word here.

Also, don't set crazy goals for yourself where exercise is concerned. Start small, do a little at a time. Try doing what many of us here do, go to fitday.com and keep a food journal. You enter what you eat and how much and fitday keeps track of your calories for you, there's no actual counting on your part.

I haven't read any of the other responses yet (I responded to you before doing so) so maybe some of the others have told you the same thing I have. But you know what? I'm the world's laziest person that had the worst eating habits and I've lost almost 80 pounds. If I can do it, anyone can. And so can you!