hi Amanda. I am going to throw my two cents in here for what it is worth.
A little backgrond on me:
I am 34. Have PCOS, insulin resistance, and have fertility issues (bicornuate uterus), and am positive for Anticardiolipin antibodies. Basically, I have spent the last 14 years of my life TTC. It happened for us 6 times. The first two ended in 12-13 wk miscarriages. The thrid pregnancy started as twins but we lost one and ended up with a beautiful full term daughter. Then I have had 3 more 5 month miscarriages since her.
I have always been of the mind that I just want to keep trying. I can not tell you how many times friends and family have tried to talk me out of TTC because of the pain I suffer each time I lose a son or daughter. I have even developed asthma after one d&e and a blood clot after my last delivery. In fact my last miscarriage in Nov 2004 totally destroyed my relationship with my mother. (Long story but we havent talked since then).
I just always wanted lots of kids and figured the suffering was worth it. I knew from having my daughter it was. Immediately following this last m/c as with the others we started trying again. Then this April I was told I was pre-diabetic and had insulin resistance. I immediately took it upon myself to start dropping the pounds. I have gone back and forth lately, do I want to get pregnant and screw up my weight loss? Do I wait? Brand new feeling is that do I even want another one now that I am almost 35 and going to be back under 200lbs soon. Every time I think about it, I know the answer for me is that it is totally worth it. I certainly need to in the best shape I can be so I am here for my daughter. So I will continue with my weight loss and if it happens for us, it happens. I am not trying but we are not avoiding either. My advice to you is to continue on your weight loss mission. You dont have to think you will gain it all back. It is safe at your weight to watch what you eat while pregnant and only gain 10-15lbs. I only gained 16lbs with my daughter because I was concerned about going over 300 at the time. Do what is in your heart but know you can do both. Coming from someone who desparately wanted a child and still wants many more, I wish you the very best and the strength to follow through on whatever you decide. God bless you.

Kim

Kim..

Thank you so much for your post... and I'm so sorry that all that has happend to you. I cant even imagine going through all of that.. I've had some bad things happen to me but now that I've lost a child.. I know a whole different kind of pain.

You sum'd up my feelings big time.. about going back and forth. It just cant be easy.

And Carla.. I appricate being called stong and intelligent.. those are 2 things I never associate with myself.. but everyone tells me I am :^: go figure..

Amanda

I have to say first that I can't even imagine what it's like to lose a child. I am so very sorry for what you have been through in losing your son. So sorry.

I have to come out of the closet as a Dr. Phil fan and quote him here. When it comes to having a baby, it takes two yes's, or one no. October really isn't that far off, but in that time you can lose some more weight which will make pregnancy easier, and you can both prepare emotionally for the journey ahead of you. But, only you can make this decision. I hope your talk tonight went well and that you're feeling more confident about either trying or waiting, whatever the two of you choose.

So we talked last night...

I brought up so many points..


I told him that now that I'm losing weight its hard for me to want to stop.. I keep seeing changes and I'm happy.. he said he understands but he didnt want that to take the place of having another baby. so we have to talk that through.. I didnt think I would feel this strongly about losing weight after feeling so strongly about ttc again.. but hey.. things change.


we talked about marriage.. and I said what would happen if I decided I would rather get married first and he said that he was fine and happy with that.. but that he would want to do it soon because he wants to ttc as soon as I'm ready.. like I said.. getting married isnt a big production for us and we plan on doing it anyway.

I asked him about the sudden change (again) but I wanted details.. why it happend so fast.. he said that for the past 2 months he thought about talking a break from our relationship because of everything thats happend.. not really breaking up but me moving out and staying with my parents for a couple of weeks... he knew he wasent being the best to me and felt that he needed to get himself together so things would be better between us. I appricated his honesty.. and I'm not upset about it because he left on a business trip and that took care of the time apart.

And I told him that he was acting guilty.. that he did something wrong and that he was compensating for his guilt by saying the one thing he knew would pull at my heart strings and keep me around.. and he said I was way off and seemed pretty hurt by it.. he said if anything he felt guilty for almost asking me to leave for awhile.

I'm sure there was more to the conversation but it was 3am for me :tired:

Anyway.. we now have some starting ground for this big decision. I said I would call my ob and talk things out with her.. but for now, as of today I still want to wait for awhile longer... and maybe plan a small wedding.. get to a good weight and look great in my dress..

But who knows.. when he gets home.. it might change :chin:


Amanda

My two cents is that you shouldn't let him pressure you into making a huge choice like this. It's your body, you're the one who is going to carry this baby, you're the one who's going to experience big changes. You may not think he's pressuring you, but that's the way it sounds. When you tell someone that you're not quite ready there should never be an, "okay, but...." You need to take care of yourself. I have no doubt that you will love a child no matter when you decide to have one, but if you're not ready you need to take your time. Having a child completely changes your life, you're not giong to have as much time for your self. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but having a baby is a huge thing and YOU need to be ready. If your fiance still try's to convince you to get preggers then you need to just say, "listen, I am not ready right now." Like others said, focus on your wedding, but don't rush that just so you can get pregnant. I really hope that you do what YOU really want to do.