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Old 02-19-2004, 01:51 AM   #1  
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Question Friend or Foe? Help!

I have a little issue I need help with. For the past 4 years or so I have been close friends with a woman I met through an acquaintance. What really brought us close together was how much we had in common- both suffering from miscarriages and infertility and both 100 pounds overweight. We have seen each other through rough times-usually when she is down, I am up and try to bring her around, and vice versa.
This fall, we both joined a local weightloss group together. I was very successful and dedicated for the first couple of months and lost 12 pounds. My friend was not into it at all and did not lose anything but gained a little. I kept encouraging her to stay with it. Then, after Christmas, we did a complete role reversal. I was in a slump, and she was losing 2-3 pounds a week no problem. She also has contacted a new infertility doctor and is trying to get the ball rolling in the child department as well. She has tried to get me to go to her new doctor, but I am still shying away from this.
2 weeks ago, I "snapped out of it", and got back on track and have been trying to eat healthy, balanced meals and have been walking on my treadmill for 45 minutes a day and lifting weights every second day. It feels good to be back into it. However, this weekend my friend invited me over and she had every type of junk food under the sun at her house and wanted me to eat it with her. I ate a few chips, but that is all. Then she tells me yesterday that she had a horrible weekend and ate all of the junk she had bought and had not walked on the treadmill all week. When we weighed in tonight, she had somehow still managed to lose 3 pounds!!
I only lost 1.5 pounds.
After our meeting tonight, she told me that she thinks the reason she is losing weight so easily is that she is "not trying too hard". She eats what she feels like, just a little less than usual, and walks on her treadmill for 15 minutes,4 times a week, and that is it. She says that she does not believe in balanced eating, or learning about it at all. This is bothering me now, because I am sure she is trying to say that I am trying too hard, and that I am too concerned about eating balanced meals.
Do you guys think there is such a thing as trying too hard? Should I listen to what she is saying? Or do you think she is trying to sabotage me and keep me down so that she can feel good about herself? I have been told by another person that my friend and I have an unhealthy relationship and are not good for one another. She thinks that my friend only keeps me around because she thinks she is better than me and I am an ego boost to her.
I would really love to hear what anyone has to say about my situation. Thanks.
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Old 02-19-2004, 10:04 AM   #2  
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Hi W8,
I feel for you. It is hard when you do not get your friends support. Maybe you guys need to talk. I think it comes down to respect. My friend and I sometimes go on diets together and sometimes on our own. We respect each other as to the decision we had made. We do not tease each other with food nor do we tell each other to get on a diet. We just do our own thing and talk about all other things in life. We want the best for each other and respect and support whatever we decide to do at the moment. Good Luck!
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Old 02-19-2004, 10:34 AM   #3  
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w8bgone: yikes!!!

here's a secret: you are you, and she is whoever she is. what works for you may not work for her. and vice versa. don't listen to her. LISTEN TO YOUR OWN BODY!!!! this is a JOURNEY not a race. so if you lose less weight than she does this week, you have no idea what next week will bring.

obviously, you both have a lot of issues in your personal lives - just like the rest of the world. and those infertility treatments play havoc with your hormones, which affects weight loss and weight gain.

so please. don't be too hard on yourself. and do your best to support your friend, but not to buy into whatever it is she's doing. keep on the path that feels right for YOU...

and keep us posted!!!
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Old 02-19-2004, 11:25 AM   #4  
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I agree with Jiffypop. Everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another. I still think you'll be better off in the long run. It's not just about weight, it's about health. You're taking care of your body! That counts a lot more.
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