Option #1 for the month is a 1.5 lb loss
Option #2 for the month is a 0.5 lb loss

When I was doing well, I would pick option #1, the larger loss. When I have been doing poorly, like I have over the last 12 months, I would hedge my bets and pick option #2.

I have worked really hard this month and was on-plan nearly everyday. I want to pick option #1 because it is closer to what it should be for my plan. Per my plan, I should lose 2 lbs a month. It is also a rare moment where my monthly weight will match my official weekly confirmed loss.

I am going to pencil it in though and will consider switching to the other one if this month goes poorly. Either way, it is new weight lost!

Boo! The scale is edging up.

On track yet again. When will it show up on the scale? I think never because my metabolism is slowing down faster than I can cut calories. I am so tired and the energy seeking behavior is rearing its ugly head. So far, I have been able to keep it within my plan limits.

Yesterday, I did a 20 hour fast. It was not great. I was really tired and I had a very brief moment of vertigo. Later, I saw stars for a fraction of a second. If the fast tomorrow goes the same way, I will have to put a limit on the duration of the fast.

Still waiting for the day this gets easier. I have to think about every food and exercise decision. Nothing is on autopilot and the sense of disappointment from not getting to eat or do what I want is pervasive.

It has gotten bad enough that I heckle on-line success stories. Especially if they talk about how easy it is and if they can do it, anybody can. Pffffffftttt!!!

They say you can do anything you put your mind to. Well, that's not true for me. I put my mind to this and I am not really doing it. I am struggling along which is a victory of sorts. However, it seems unlikely I will be able to manage this long term no matter how much I want it or how hard I try.

I was so tired today, I had to cut my skating short and I have a headache. I am hoping it is a weight loss headache. Must be nice to feel better when you eat better and exercise regularly. Perhaps some day, I will experience that.

Back again with another successful day per my plan. Back again without a successful loss on the scale. The ketone test strips are in my favor though.

During the day, I think of things I want to write about. When I turn up here, my mind is a complete blank. I did not sleep well last night as I had GI tract issues. My headache was with me until about noon. Skating went well today.

My cats were really wound up this evening chasing each other all over the place. I am wondering if it is a full moon.

At 9:17 pm, I exclaimed "OH *BLEEP*". That was the moment I realized I had not done my 2.4 miles of walking for the day. Since it is an integral part of my plan, out the door I went. I break it up into three parts and finished the last one a 11:45 pm.


Will I see it on the scale tomorrow? Of course not, this is not how the game works for me. It is months of hard work and by the time the reward on the scale shows up, if it shows up, it just feels like too little. However, I persist because the alternative is worse.

The scale is showing a half pound loss this week which is perfect. Hopefully, this means my plan is fine tuned enough. It will have to wait until next week for official confirmation.

As usual, I am struggling today. I've had all of my allotted calories and my calorie window doesn't reset until 5:00 pm. I was over on calories yesterday so I don't want to go over calories today. All totaled though, my calorie overage this week is much smaller than the calorie overage last week.

I use to have issues with my feet and lower legs swelling and that is mostly gone now. Once in a while, my shoes feel tight but my feet do not look visibly swollen. I think one thing that has helped it rubbing my lower legs in an upward stroke. During ice skating, my muscles get really tight so I will rest and rub my legs. Initially, I was rubbing them in a downward stroke but switched after reading an upward stroke can help with edema. It seems to have made a difference.

WooHoo! Yesterday was tough but I made it through at my calorie count. This morning, I was up 1.5 lbs on the scale because that is how it works for me.

Today was another tough one but I stayed on track. I am really tired though. Sometimes, I almost feel like my body doesn't burn fat and it makes me wonder if am I only losing muscle.

Another on-plan day in the books. I fasted for 19 hours. I did start my calorie window a little early but still had an overall calorie deficit. Then, I added the calories to the new tally so it will all balance out. The scale was kinder today and the ketone test strips said I did a good job.

I still have a phone landline. It works out really well because I can direct most calls to it and it keeps my cell phone free of most marketing calls. Unfortunately, it stopped working a week ago. The phone company it is through is just bad. It seems like they don't really want any customers. It was hard to get through their automated phone system. They were suppose to send a technician out today with a service window of 8:00 am - 8:00 pm. LOL- We never saw hide nor hair of them.

A lovely surprise on the scale this morning with a new low weight of -31.5 lbs.

I have realized if I hadn't been clutching my bottle of soap when I weigh-in, I would have heard for about a month now "you are ABOVE your starting weight". That happened to me early in the year and I do think it affected me on some level. I am happy with my current solution. Although, I need to go by a new bottle of soap since my dispensers need refills.

Well, the new low weight didn't stay long. Had another day on-plan. Tomorrow will be challenging since I am going out to lunch with a friend.

Skating today was crazy! It had more people than I've ever seen at the mid-day session. School is out so it was mostly kids.

Well, I was over by a lot calorie wise today mostly due to going out to lunch. Although, I ended up eating a really late and light dinner so maybe it will all balance out.

On-track today but very resentful about it. This means I am in a danger zone of throwing caution to the wind with regards to eating.

What I didn't explain about yesterday is that I felt really full most of the evening. It was very strange to me. I wish I could fee that way after every meal. If I did, I would be at a healthy weight quickly!

Not a great weigh-in day. As usual, it was up a bit and I am unable to confirm a loss. I will be out of town next Sunday so I will be unable to weigh-in.

I am hanging in there but I am really struggling today. I have used up all of my allotted calories for this window and have about eighty minutes before the next window opens. I really want to eat something and I am suppose to go to the grocery before then. Visiting the grocery, even with a list when I am this hungry is not a good situation. Especially because as of late, I have been prone to overeating as soon as my calorie window opens. This has been a bit of a vicious cycle that I am having difficulty stepping back from. Even when I think I did okay, the tally comes out higher than expected so I need to restrict greatly before the next calorie counting window opens. I am just realizing that time change is playing into this a great deal. I am basically having to wait an hour longer for the window to open. Long story short, I am getting hungry and frustrated enough that the part of me that wants to throw caution to the wind is getting larger and may win out soon. It certainly did Friday at lunch.

Plus, I am very stressed about food next week when we will be traveling. We are staying with my husband's family at a rental house. They are weirdly but I think unintentionally controlling about food. One of them commandeers the kitchen and manages all of the meals. The meals are generally outside of my sphere of foods (think calf tongue, rabbit, spicy dishes or vinegar heavy recipes). The one time I planned a meal, they took it over and created it in their own vision which was fixed in a way that was not palatable to me. This was a dish that is hard to screw up and I know it wasn't intentional but, honestly, it felt that way. I had picked this meal purposefully and had even bought all of the ingredients so I would have an alternative for the rest of the week.

I pretty much end up packing snacks and food to manage my time with them. It makes me really anxious and I worry about having enough in reserves. The meal times are also really inconsistent. Ultimately, I end up eating more because I am worried about becoming too hungry later.

On-track by the skin of my teeth. This morning I had so few calories left, I took my supplements with just water. My stomach did not like that so never again. I'll just wait until I can eat something or have a more substantial drink.

I am in a bad eating pattern currently. I eat about 70% of my calories in the evening which leaves slim pickings for the next day. It makes the hours between 2:00 pm and 5:00 pm pretty challenging. Today, I met the challenge but am facing the same challenge tomorrow. Plus, there is no reward on the scale.