[mernathemenace]

Hello!

I have went through huge ups and downs, my lowest being 167 (about two and a half years ago) and my highest being 250 (about 4 months ago). I am now at about 245.

I have gained some good eating habits over my last very stressful year. Exercise was not something I was able to really fit into my schedule. I'm a teacher and it can be tough to fit it in. I am also very nervous to exercise in front of others.

My partner of two years has had a relatively stable weight for much of his adulthood. He is overweight. Recently he has taken up an opportunity of going with a really fit cousin of his to the gym. He was really excited. Trying to be supportive and partially not wanting to be left behind, I said that I would work out during the time that he does.

Today was his first day. He was pushed to the max and loved it. He was nearly too sore to drive. I, on the other hand, did a 40 minute YouTube strength/cardio workout, got my heart racing pretty fast and feel a teeny bit sore in places but I know I didn't put my all into it.

Unfortunately this is making me feel majorly insecure. I really truly love this man and I need to support him. But it's making me feel like I'm not good enough because I don't think I want to do that to that extent. I also asked if I could eventually tag along, but now this seems all too intimidating. But I'm also scared, I think, of him losing the weight at a different speed. At me disappointing him. And at me falling off the wagon when times get way more stressful and gaining weight back... again. Much of this likely comes from a past partner that made me feel very insecure for any minor weight fluctuations.

Should I communicate my feelings to him? Should I look on the positive of this and let it kick my butt into high gear?

What have any of you experienced with losing weight with your partner?

[ange82much]

i'm no psychologist, but i'd have thought the best way you can support him and strengthen your relationship is just by encouraging him to continue what he's started.

It sounds like you're happy to support his gym visits, so that's great. Let him know you're proud of him and that what he's doing is hard - and let him know if you see any positive changes in him as he goes along.

I'd keep your own journey as a separate subject so that you're not feeling like you're competing with him.

If you're not quite ready yet, or want a different approach then that's definitely ok. Decide what you want to do and how to go about it for yourself and don't be dragged along with someone else's plan because this weightloss/fitness thing is so individual that you'll do best with something that you really feel you can achieve yourself - your own plan devised by yourself that you believe in - and doing it for someone else or following someone else's path just isn't the answer. Sounds like he's feeling proud of himself already, which is fantastic, so support his journey and when you're ready, tell him what yours is going to be.

[mjf]

Have you tried weightliftng? Maybe you'll like weightlifting more than cardio.

Also, you don't need to make yourself "too sore to drive" in order to lose weight. Weight loss is about 80% diet, 20% exercise. If you eat a healthy and balanced diet, you'll lose weight.