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Old 06-12-2018, 08:38 PM   #1  
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Default Please stop saying “you look great”

I have been on a few week hiatus from my weight loss goals. I let myself get mentally obsessed and exhausted and realized it was coming from self hate, not a desire to be healthy. Meanwhile I was physically exhausted so I was just overthinking more than I was doing. Now, I’m restarting and have a fresh perspective but I’m realizing what got me there:

“You look great!” (Thanks, I genuinely can’t see that myself)
“Wow have you lost MORE weight?” (Nope, checked the scale this morning thanks)
“You want to lose _____ more pounds?! From where?” (Many, many places)

Do comments like this just completely f#ck anyone else up? How do you ignore them and take the compliment rather than let it fuel your hate fire? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Even worse - when the comments go quiet. No one says anything so naturally they must be thinking I look fat today or I’m not making progress. How do you let your wins be YOUR wins and ignore any comments or lack therof?
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Old 06-12-2018, 09:02 PM   #2  
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Ooooh I hate when people make comments about my body. I find it to be so rude.
I try to change the subject very quickly and refrain from scowling.

But I agree. I don’t understand why some people think that’s acceptable. I wonder if they would make other types of personal comments to people? Like “Hey, you look pregnant today. Are you?” “Oh, I like your hair, is it real?” “How old are you?” “What size are you?” “Are those your real breasts or did you have surgery?” Etc etc

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Old 06-13-2018, 08:02 AM   #3  
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Wow, I could have written this. I haven’t really come up with anything good over the years. Of course it depends on who it’s coming from. I get comments from well-meaning friends and family along with patients at my job. I’m close with several so it doesn’t bother me too much but I also get weird comments from patients I don’t know from a hole in the wall.

If it bothers me a good ol’ nasty look in their direction has come in handy!!! Lol other than that I’m waiting for responses along with you!

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Old 06-13-2018, 08:16 AM   #4  
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I don’t know, I guess people are just trying to say something nice. So I’ll just politely say thank you or something similar.
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Old 06-13-2018, 09:53 AM   #5  
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I also think people is just trying to be nice and acknowledging your effort. Its not worth to overthink about it.
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Old 06-13-2018, 10:58 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddy93 View Post

Do comments like this just completely f#ck anyone else up? How do you ignore them and take the compliment rather than let it fuel your hate fire? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Even worse - when the comments go quiet. No one says anything so naturally they must be thinking I look fat today or I’m not making progress. How do you let your wins be YOUR wins and ignore any comments or lack therof?
So you are saying it bothers you when you get compliments and it bothers you when you don't get any comments or there is lack of comments. It seems like there is something else bothering you that you are using this as an outlet. Why do you feel it fuels your "hate fire"? You have to ask yourself, is it really a nice compliment that bothers you or is it something else? I only say there is another reason and you are using this as an outlet because you have stated that it bothers you getting comments and it bothers you not getting comments. Of course I could be wrong but this is what came to my mind when I read your post.

Last edited by paperstars; 06-13-2018 at 11:02 AM.
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Old 06-13-2018, 10:27 PM   #7  
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I think most people are trying to be nice and supportive. As far as a lack of comments, I feel that happens when people get used to your new look. My folks used to compliment me every time they saw me, because in their minds they remembered me as being heavier. So I take it as a good thing that they now think of me as being lighter.
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Old 06-14-2018, 11:46 PM   #8  
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Quote:
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So you are saying it bothers you when you get compliments and it bothers you when you don't get any comments or there is lack of comments. It seems like there is something else bothering you that you are using this as an outlet. Why do you feel it fuels your "hate fire"? You have to ask yourself, is it really a nice compliment that bothers you or is it something else? I only say there is another reason and you are using this as an outlet because you have stated that it bothers you getting comments and it bothers you not getting comments. Of course I could be wrong but this is what came to my mind when I read your post.

Thanks for your response!! Let me elaborate: they’re doing nothing wrong by complimenting me, they’re also doing nothing wrong by not. Mentally it just causes this huge hurdle for me either way. I can’t take the compliment, I don’t SEE what they’re complimenting me about. Like I politely say thank you but just generally feel confused and frustrated because I don’t see understand what the compliment is. Which frustrates me (hate fire) because then I see what I think is a lack of progress and think ‘wow, how bad did I look if THIS is good.’ Does this make sense? Like getting over your own mental body image issues.
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Old 06-14-2018, 11:49 PM   #9  
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Thank you all for commenting! I think maybe this got a little misconstrued in the wording. I appreciate when people compliment me...but I have a bit of a body dismorphia issue apparently where I don’t see myself what they’d be complimenting me about. I naturally think I look bad. Then when they don’t say anything it’s basically solidying my idea. It’s all a mental obstacle, completely on my own - people are just being supportive - but how do I get to a point where I can appreciate their being supportive and see it for myself?
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Old 06-15-2018, 01:02 AM   #10  
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If someone is in a weight loss group and announces they have made progress, or if you tell someone close to you that you are trying to lose weight, it is acceptable, to me anyway, that they may congratulate you.

But outside of those scenarios I would not want someone making comments at all about my body, or what they think of my face either.

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Old 06-17-2018, 06:03 PM   #11  
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My grandmothers were/are obsessed with weight (one is now passed). One was forever obsessively doing WW, and gave my mom childhood trauma (bought her clothes enormously too big because she was the "fat one"). The other grandma doesn't know how to compliment you (or even carry on a conversation outside of compliments) without talking about weight. I could have gained 20 pounds since the last time she saw me, and she'll go "Oh, have you lost weight?!" It's frustrating too, because I know she's fishing for compliments on her OWN appearance. Sometimes I'll say "no" or "I don't talk about weight." I never do what she's looking for, because I'm petty. I'm also used to being surrounded by people taller and lighter than me being obsessed with how fat they are.

All that long-winded stuff to say that I've got issues when it comes to conversations about weight, except with my closest, bluntest friends. So I hear you. I don't really think it should be a topic of conversation. Especially because, worst case scenario, someone goes - "Yeah, I've lost weight because I've got cancer" (or some such).
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