Palestrina - "Food has become a moral compass for people so much so that some can't even eat normally around other people for fear of being judged." - Not everyone's "normal" is the same. What's normal for you probably isn't normal for me.
My normal used to be spinach dip, pints of beer, wraps and fries, quesadillas, etc. The list was endless. If my normal was still those foods, I wouldn't be losing weight. The entire purpose here is to lose weight and be supported while doing so. Therefore I had to change my normal. Now I eat lettuce wraps, clementines, hard boiled eggs, chicken breast. It's just taking a different perspective on "normal".
I support your health and weight loss journey just the same as any other member on this site, and wish you nothing but success. Perhaps you could try to be a little more supportive of how others choose to take their journey.
I think that there is only one normal way to eat and has little or nothing to do with what one eats but with how one eats. The normal way to eat is to eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full, and eat according to your body's unique needs being careful not to overindulge in foods that make your body feel poorly, but to also leave room for the enjoyment and pleasure of food.
It is not normal or sustainable to eat in a manner prescribed by a diet, it is not normal to make food a moral dilemma every time you eat, it is not normal to obsess over calories, and it is not normal to subjugate yourself to exercise with the sole purpose of burning calories. Some people interpret this to mean that I'm sitting on my couch eating ding dongs all day but nothing could be further from the truth. I just believe that diets cause people to develop a dysfunctional relationship with food and that is not normal and should not be glorified.
I can see this thread is going absolutely nowhere.
People have different opinions. And different opinions should be respected. This is a support forum. So if you're not willing to support the methods of other members, why are you here?
I can see this thread is going absolutely nowhere.
People have different opinions. And different opinions should be respected. This is a support forum. So if you're not willing to support the methods of other members, why are you here?
Editing this post - I don't mean to be contentious in a way that hurts anyone's feelings. My views might be different but it does not mean I wish anyone ill. I am certain we've all had very difficult journeys, because struggling with food and body image is quite exhausting. My experiences have taken me on a different journey than a lot of dieters, and I've come to accept and embrace intuitive eating which has effects way beyond food and body. My idea of support is have discussion and discourse, it's the only way we can grow. This OP, is not interested in that, he only comes on the forum to posts his self proclaimed expertise on how to lose weight. If it works for some, great. For me it doesn't work and I have a different view point and I'm going to say it because we deserve so much more than painting ourselves in a little bubble singing kumbaya and saying "you can do it, put that donut down!" which is really not supportive at all. Plus I don't like mansplaining.
I support each and every person on this forum. You are all worth so much more than the belittling propaganda of the diet industry. You are beautiful, strong, and valued women. The size of your body has nothing to do with your worth and in most cases has nothing to do with your health. I truly believe that being overweight is not a death sentence, that in fact it is the unhealthy ups and downs of dieting that cause the health problems most people face. Gaining and losing weight repeatedly puts a tremendous strain on the body, throwing hormones out of whack, stretching skin, haywiring our metabolism, and crushing our self esteem.
Society judges us harshly. It's sooooooo allowed to judge overweight people. We are looked at with contempt, people look at us and make all kinds of judgments about our health, our food choices, our character, and our motivation. They even think we smell. There is no discrimination quite like it. I'm kind of sick of it myself which is why I fight back against the diet industry. The diet industry is NOT our lifeline people. Carbs are not the enemy. Of course I want to lead a healthy life but shaming or guilting myself does not help me make changes. And fear mongering from the health industry is largely based on preconceived notions.
Last edited by Palestrina; 12-22-2016 at 08:49 AM.
Just to weigh back in (as I may have stepped away for a couple of weeks)...
I think to address both sides of the issue here, is that things are never black and white. On this I think we all can agree.
In terms of labelling "haters", this can be a broad brush approach. But, from the perspective of someone who might be struggling to make the right decisions, if you can put a label on something, this helps to take control of the situation as then you know what you are dealing with.
Now, with this perspective, "haters" isn't meant to always be derived as a negative word. Sometimes it is, there are cruel people out there who will be abusive towards people trying to make positive changes. But a lot of the time it is as simple lack of understanding of how much certain actions or words can have on someone - especially if they are struggling to make changes to their life (and this doesn't have to specifically apply to weight loss, fitness... it can be anything in your life where you try to break away from the norm).
Now, ultimately we are all responsible for our own actions and we make our own decisions. And yes, this means no one owes us anything. But there is nothing wrong with asking for some support and helping others close to you understand your goals and ask for their help. If they are doing something, however innocently, that is affecting your ability to make the decisions that are right for you, then you have the right to speak up and ask for their understanding. If they aren't willing to give it, then actually that's an insight into the type of "hater" they actually are. From here you have more information on whether you wish to spend time with that person or find more like-minded people.
Depending on the person, this can be more challenging (ie, my mother still doesn't get my lifestyle and often tries to force stuff on me that will sabotage my progress. But, like, she's my mother. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop spending time with her, I just have to use my "I'm weird" approach when she tries to "fatten" me up). But for some people, you could have friends who, quite frankly, aren't right for you and aren't helping you live a life that will make you happy.
To bring this back around to weight loss and the concept of diets, this was touched on quite extensively over the last number of posts. Personally, I hate the entire idea of diets. The restrictions they place on you only set you up for disaster. Learning to be mindful of what you eat and ENJOYING food again (not restricting) is massively important.
With that said, I know many people on diets. I do have to bite my tongue a lot of the time as I know that if I suddenly start spouting off information about why what they are doing doesn't work, it's not going to change anything. The point is, they are still trying to change, so I'll be supportive, offer some tips if they wish to learn a bit more and encourage them. And, if they want to try a different approach and are really ready to make a permanent change, then I'll try and share more ideas that will make their journey easier.
And that's the whole point of stuff like "haters" or the other few posts I've done. Not to put across just one idea that one way is the right way. But to share little mental tips that can make making the right decision for you (whatever that is) a little bit easier. The right decision could be to go for the salad instead of the burger. But the right decision could be to eat as much damned christmas cake as possible (which I WILL be doing over the next couple of days).
Quite frankly, if someone wants something enough, if the craving is that high, nothing in the world will get in the way of making that decision (rightly or wrongly for your lifestyle). If you want the cake, then eat the damned cake. As Palestrina rightly said: Food isn't good or evil.
But for all of the other times when it's an equal toss up between making a decision that will work for your goal or against your goal, then being able to put labels on things that make you feel bad so you can deal with them.
So, label someone a hater. (Don't call them that to their face... that may not go down well). But internally you will then know how to deal with them. Either ignore, or educate.
Make yourself a healthy meal in advance and stick it in the freezer.
Have a bowl of nuts by the door to help curb your snacking on chocolate.
Chuck out the junk food so it isn't in your fridge tempting you.
And yes, if you ever REALLY REALLY WANT a takeaway, then order it. For all of the other times, you've made making the right decision that supports your goals far easier for yourself.
All of these little things you can do to make it a little bit easier to make the decision that supports your own goals.
Not sure if it's partially a cultural/ regional thing, but I'm in the US, and I've noticed during times in my life when I have gained weight, not too many people have commented. My Eastern European relatives will make comments, but here in the US, not so much. A few people here and there. The exception to this was when I was pregnant, for some reason people think it's an open invitation to say whatever they want about your weight. That was annoying.
However, when I've lost weight, for some reason there were a lot more people who thought it's perfectly okay to comment. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing it except immediate family and friends. I'm a private person and prefer not to involve others in my weight loss. When I reached my goal, some people were kind and supportive, others were downright nasty. There were the "you're too skinny" comments, but I also got some of the fake concern ("do you have cancer?") comments. One persons who was unsuccessful in her own weight loss told me I was just vain. Nice, huh? Nasty people really come out of the woodwork when you've lost weight, and for some reason the social norms about not making comments about someone else's weight don't seem to apply when you've lost (or pregnant, apparently). And no I wasn't too skinny and I didn't look sick, I was a good size/ bmi for my height exercising/ lifting weights, etc.
Anyways, I kept the weight off for 10 years and was doing really well, but a knee injury and a couple of other things set me back a couple of years ago, and I'm now in the process of losing the 30lbs I gained. Like last time, I'm not bringing other people into it. Only my immediate family & a couple of people I trust and know will be supportive. I know now from experience how some people get when you lose weight, so I'll be better prepared this time.
One thing I took away from all of this is I'm super mindful about not making comments about other people's weight or what they are eating. I'll tell people they look nice, but I do not get personal with others about a topic that I know many people can be sensitive about. And I'm not going to take the bait if others try to pull the passive aggressive stuff or make comments about what is or isn't on my plate or what I am doing with my own body. It's really no one's business. Sure there are those who are just curious and want to know how you did it, but not everyone is just being genuinely curious, nor does everyone have your best interests at heart.
Last edited by catwoman22; 12-30-2016 at 10:39 PM.
One thing I took away from all of this is I'm super mindful about not making comments about other people's weight or what they are eating. I'll tell people they look nice, but I do not get personal with others about a topic that I know many people can be sensitive about. And I'm not going to take the bait if others try to pull the passive aggressive stuff or make comments about what is or isn't on my plate or what I am doing with my own body. It's really no one's business. Sure there are those who are just curious and want to know how you did it, but not everyone is just being genuinely curious, nor does everyone have your best interests at heart.
Anytime someone gets pushy with me about food, I just keep saying a pleasant, "No thanks!" Try some cake? "No thanks," Just a bite wont hurt you! "No thanks." Sugar isn't the devil you know! "No thanks."
Eventually they get the message. No one needs an explanation about why you don't want to eat something and most of the time the group doesn't even notice you aren't eating any cake if you go on about your business and don't call attention to it.
I've experienced food pushing several times, especially among coworkers when I started to lose weight. This can weaken you mentally if you are not strong enough... like what happened to me. My approach this time around is to count on myself and my beliefs during this stage.
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