[alg1741]

(sorry, this is really long) I am 5'6 and 233 lbs, and I am so overwhelmed by negative feelings about my weight. I've never been a skinny minny or anything, but I dealt with circumstances in my last two years of college that caused me to balloon from 150 to what I weigh now. I am now in a place in my life that is really conducive to losing weight, but there have been many things over the past few months that have externally validated all my insecurities about my appearance, which is making it REALLY hard to actually start losing weight.

1. I moved from the American Midwest to England in the beginning of this summer after I graduated college. I fit in just fine in the states, but here I am usually the fattest woman in the train car, or the restaurant, or the store. It is emotionally exhausting and humiliating, and it is getting to the point where it is difficult to want to leave the house.

2. In a uncharacteristic wave of confidence I signed up for online dating a while ago and met a guy who I immediately fell head over heels for. We talked every day for weeks and finally met up (I told him that I was overweight the day before and would understand if he wanted to cancel but he was amazing and nice about it and said he still wanted to give it a try), and had a ridiculously great six-hour first date two weeks ago. But since then his communication has significantly waned and now it's been a week since I've last heard from him. My last text to him was asking if he wanted to have a second date.

3. My sister (who is thin, and has always been thin) and I got into a huge awful fight last week that started over differing opinions about family vacation planning--she wanted to have a beach vacation, and I didn't--and she ended up calling me a fat whale and telling me that she knew the real reason why I didn't want to go on a beach vacation: because I would look horrific in a swimsuit.

4. A few days ago I tried to go shopping, which I haven't done in months, because I felt so bad about myself in the clothes I was wearing and thought that new clothes would help. I instead had a minor panic attack in the store because I was so embarrassed to be digging to the ends of the racks for my size and carrying those clothes around while I was surrounded by thin, stylish Europeans. I then cried for twenty minutes in the dressing room after seeing myself undressed in the full length mirrors.

When I feel bad about myself it becomes impossible to do anything that would actually help me fix the problem. Rather than being called to action, I just feel defeated and hopeless. This leads to moping in bed while eating junk food as a coping mechanism (I am totally an emotional eater, which is how I gained all this weight in the first place). I know I feel better when I am proactive and positive about the weight loss process, but when I am completely discouraged and depressed about it like I am now I just can't be in that mindset. And even if I was 100% diligent and disciplined about weight loss it would take me over a year to get to a weight I would be happy with, which is making me feel even more despondent. So my question is: how the **** do I stop feeling sorry for myself, buck up, and get this show on the road?

[Penny105]

First of all, welcome to 3FC! We're glad to have you! Do you have a plan you're following or would like to follow?

Second of all, you've had a lot of major life changes, which is stressful by itself! And I think a lot of us understand that not feeling comfortable in your body can magnify all of that stress so much more. But I encourage you to think of it this way: you are working at this very moment on changing your weight and getting down to a healthier, more comfortable weight for you. That's something pretty awesome if I do say so.

To answer your question: start doing something RIGHT NOW. This very moment. It won't be easy to start (it never is), but it gets easier the longer you go. It will never get better by doing nothing, and the unhappy mindset itself can be improved by taking action (even if you really don't feel like it). Do you have a plan? Make one. Stick to it all the time. Every single day. Stick with it when you're happy, sad, sleepy, excited, getting groceries, vacationing, working, relaxing, when it's hot or cold, when it's Tuesday or Sunday. Stick to it no matter your mindset - make it habit. That is the way to do this. When we give ourselves permission to veer off plan, the plan stops working (seems obvious, but I need to remind myself of this often). It is completely possible.

I eat in response to emotions, too, and it's not great. I'm looking at a year to get to where I want to be, too. If I had just stuck with it when I started last year, I would be a few months away from being done now. I didn't. So I still have a year to go. That year is going to pass no matter what I do, so I would do way better to spend those 365 days losing weight gradually rather than gaining it. By this time next year, I'll be so, so glad I did.

[Chunkahlunkah]

Welcome to the forum!

Congratulations on your move to England. That's an impressive accomplishment!

Do you have access to a therapist? PLEASE see one, if you can. I think in your case - with all the changes you've had in life, and what sounded like a very stressful time for years beforehand - it's vital that you see a good counselor. Cognitive therapy can be the nourishment you need to get through this.
You can heal into someone who is even healthier and stronger than you were at the start.



You can do this!

[clawlady]

Hi alg1741! And welcome to the forum. Congrats on your move to London! I moved to Los Angeles 2 years ago from Alabama so I understand feeling like the fattest person in the room now, when I fit in just fine back home. It can be hard and emotionally challenging to deal with. I agree with the other poster who said to just do something now. I have finally gotten to a place where I am able to starting to lose weight after 2 years of just feeling bad about it. I wish now I would have just started then. What I keep telling myself is that this time is going to pass whether I'm trying to lose weight or not, so I might as well try to make it count.

I am counting calories using MyFitnessPal tracking app and I have lost 11 in 5 weeks. While that is not a huge amount, I am very proud that at least I'm going down now and not up. Lol I don't know anything about you eating habits, but the first thing I did was just start drinking more water and cutting out sweets/candy. Once I got that under control the first week or two, I started to try and add in more veggies and fruit. I'm trying to change my way of eating slowly so that I can stick with it. I've tried diet pills, shakes, and all types of stuff before and I just don't like the idea of a complete overall of my life overnight. It is too unsustainable for me. I wish you the best of luck and don't let your sister get to you, me and my sisters have said stuff like that to each other before and I'm sure she doesn't mean it, she just got mad and used what she thought would hurt you.

So just do something to start moving in the right direction! Maybe take a short walk, drink some water, and tell yourself that you are worth taking care of! Fat or thin we are all valuable people and need to take care of ourselves. You can do this!!!