I am trying to figure out my perception of my weight, and maybe some of you fellow weight loss warriors can help.
In 2010, I weighed the most I had ever weighed in my life - 212 lbs. I ached everywhere, had no clothes that fit me properly (I refused to buy the plus sized clothing that would fit me), I became something of a recluse (something I still struggle with since that time), had obesity related health issues, and was essentially miserable.
I decided to make a change - not even believing that a change was possible.
Cut to 2012 and I was over 60lbs lighter. I felt amazing, and people who hadn't seen me in a few years were floored. Everywhere I went people told me how skinny I was - and I felt skinny! So much so, that I became complacent and never achieved my final goal weight of 130. Instead, I bottomed out at 148 and gradually regained about 30 lbs.
Cut to 2016 - my health problems resurfaced with the weight gain, the smaller clothing I had bought when I originally lost weight no longer fit. I had to make a change - AGAIN.
So, I got back on the dieting bandwagon and am almost down to my 2012 weight. The difference is - I am not skinny! I look at myself and I still have fat rolls, and look wide, even though I fit into all my old clothes and other people remark how skinny I am.
I hope to use this as motivation not to stop at 148-150, and keep going until my goal is finally reached this time. I want to be solidly in the middle of a normal BMI range, not at the tippy top of normal.
But, it's weird. Why was I so elated last time I was at this weight, and now I still think I am heavy?
Do you workout? Because there can be a big difference between 150 based on fitness level. Since you are firmly in "normal" BMI, I personally would change my focus from weightloss to fitness. You may find you lose more weight to meet your fitness goal, or you may find your 150lb body morphs into what you are looking for. Just my 2 cents.
I workout on a regular basis and have for the past several years. I am not at a normal BMI yet - 149 will be normal for me, and I am still 3 lbs away. However, I don't want to be at the top of what is normal for BMI, I want to to be at least 20lbs down from the top weight of a normal BMI so that I have some wiggle room.
Thanks for the background information and huge on your success!
I can relate to a point as I've only recently synched KNOWING I need to make changes with actual action. I've known what needs to be done for a couple of years but couldn't be bothered with making actual changes I've started to lose again and while it's not enough to make anyone notice except me and my scale, I sense it will be a different experience this time. I'm wondering if the reason you feel different and have a different perspective is because it's not a new experience to you. The lower numbers, smaller body, smaller clothes is a repeat experience. A wonderful, glorious, experience, but nevertheless, a repeat one. Because of this, you may have certain expectations whereas the first go around, you didn't know what to expect. I imagine you were waking up to a slightly different body every week. I know that I was less critical because I spent so much time wrapping my head around the fact that I finally, FINALLY, was successful at weight loss. I was just thrilled to be wearing smaller clothes and not breaking a sweat while folding laundry that I didn't give much thought to the "cosmetic" look of my body. Just a theory.
However, what you are accomplishing again is a tremendous feat and a testament to how you respect your body. I hope in time your perspective changes because your accomplishments shouldn't be diminished
Ok, great! Maybe the difference in perception is the difference in your starting weight? You lost approximately 30% of your body weight the first time, and that's a lot.
curvy - thanks for the encouragement, and good luck to you in your journey.
Monte - I do think the starting weight has something to do with it. I was coming down from 212 the first time and 174 this time.
I also think I have a really high body fat percentage. I always have big boobs and a big butt! I have seen photos of women at my height and weight and they look a lot thinner than me and wear smaller sizes than I do (I can't remember the name of the website, but there used to be a website where you can look at other women at your height and weight to get an idea of how other people see you). I think I need to be at a much lower weight to wear single digit sizes, where there are women who are already wearing single digits at my weight.
Hi Guac - I just want to say that I'm at a similar height and weight, and I notice very huge changes now with even just 5 lb differences in weight. (I'm about 10 lbs away from my "I-should-be-able-to-get-to-this-weight" goal.) When I was 30 lbs away, 5 lbs was barely noticeable. I just think the body changes can be very dramatic when you are so close to your goal - you might suddenly feel skinny one day soon, overnight.
2kids - congrats on your progress! You are right, I do notice bigger differences in my appearance with smaller amounts of weight lost. So yes, maybe ten pounds from now I will be singing a different tune.
This is my 3rd time on this ride. First time in my 20's I got down to 137 and looked good.
Second time in my 30's and 137 was borderline. Now in my forties 137 looked much worse and that is with much better nutrition and fitness program. I can only attribute it to getting older and things not snapping back into place like they used to. In fact I think that I looked better at 25 and 137 than I do now at 47 and 127.
This could also be attributed to age, possibly...? When I graduated high school I was 180ish lbs. I gained almost 100 lbs in the 2 years following into college. I got my life together a bit and lost 80 lbs over the course of another 2 years. I was nearly back to my high school weight...just 4 years later and my body had changed completely. Now I don't know if you are in your early 20's but this could be a factor if you are. A lot changes in the body between puberty and 24-26 years old. I am much curvier now than I ever was in high school and not just because I have more meat on my bones at 28 years old than 10 years ago. I am grown and more mature physically.
Anyway, if it isn't the age then I think a few other people have brought this up as well--it could very well be the preceptions we have of our bodies changing depending on the starting weight and the amount of muscle we have either gained or lost. Losing, gaining, and then losing again is a **** of a trip for our bodies and they get confused. Muscle definition and working on core strength should help to improve this self-perception.
I hope I am not off base and I hope not offensive in any way. I just know I have been there...and sometimes I am STILL there and it can be frustrating. Our minds run away with our insecurities at times and it can an emotional roller coaster.
I do think age plays a role. I am 46 now and was 42 the last time I lost weight. I think those few years have made a difference in my appearance age-wise. I look older now, more wrinkles, my skin is less elastic and more saggy. Hopefully, I will finally hit my goal weight, and I'll see if I am satisfied that I actually look thin.
I think this makes a lot of sense. I'm feeling the same way now. When I was at this weight the first time around, it felt a lot smaller. Now I still feel way too big. I am still overweight by BMI standards, and even when I once got down into the lower 140s (briefly), despite regular workouts I was still very overweight by body fat percentage.
I also carry most of my fat around my middle, which is more dangerous. I think I'll also have to be solidly in the normal range of BMI (and working out) to be at a safe body fat percentage.
I too wear much larger sizes than others at the same weight. I was wearing a size 10 when I was like 142 lbs (and very active at this time, too). My mother at 160 wore the same, AND she's much shorter than me.
This is my 3rd time on this ride. First time in my 20's I got down to 137 and looked good.
Second time in my 30's and 137 was borderline. Now in my forties 137 looked much worse and that is with much better nutrition and fitness program. I can only attribute it to getting older and things not snapping back into place like they used to. In fact I think that I looked better at 25 and 137 than I do now at 47 and 127.
I can relate well to this. While I have almost always been very thin my whole life there were very short spikes in my weight when my thyroid went nuts. My body definitely handled the extra weight better when I was younger... my shape was different and I filled-out in a much nicer way. I looked "curvy" and not "chunky," if you follow me.
Last time I was at this weight I felt skinny....
on your success! 
I've started to lose again and while it's not enough to make anyone notice except me and my scale, I sense it will be a different experience this time. I'm wondering if the reason you feel different and have a different perspective is because it's not a new experience to you. The lower numbers, smaller body, smaller clothes is a repeat experience. A wonderful, glorious, experience, but nevertheless, a repeat one. Because of this, you may have certain expectations whereas the first go around, you didn't know what to expect. I imagine you were waking up to a slightly different body every week. I know that I was less critical because I spent so much time wrapping my head around the fact that I finally, FINALLY, was successful at weight loss. I was just thrilled to be wearing smaller clothes and not breaking a sweat while folding laundry that I didn't give much thought to the "cosmetic" look of my body. Just a theory. 
