Hello, I have been on a weight loss journey for a few months but just came across 3FC. I got divorced a year ago. I am 28 years old and 140lbs, with 2 kids. My ex husband would always make me feel bad about my weight. I am down to a size 7 jeans in juniors. I know that it's a difference from a size 11/13 but I still see the "fat" girl from before. Everyone tells me that I'm doing my great but I just can't believe that they're being honest, just polite. Has anyone dealt with this? Thank you.

So sorry, Jtri. Listen, you were never really that fat if the biggest you got was size 13. So that means that your ex husband was the one with the problem. Sounds like he did a number on your self esteem.

Sometimes it's hard when you have young kids to get up the ambition to dress attractively. I'd suggest you make sure that you shower everyday, if you're not doing that already. Get your eyebrows waxed and get your hair cut if it's looking mangy. Put on some makeup and dress to show off your new size 7 bod. I'll bet once you start looking better, feeling better won't be far behind. I don't know how old your kids are but I know it can be hard to pay that much attention to yourself when you've got young kids but try to make it part of your routine.

Jtri

I was fat shamed and had very low self esteem for 40 years.
No, they weren't wrong, I was obese.
But hey, where's the love?
I mean, he promised to love and cherish you.
You didn't promise to always be thin.
So again, where's the love?

Anyways, now that I'm losing weight (finally!)
I find it helpful to spend extra time looking in the mirror,
and telling myself that this is me and that I am beautiful.
Gradually you will believe it.

Welcome to the site!

Your ex-husband was wrong to do that. It was a jerky thing to do.

But aside from that, a lot of people have a hard time seeing a difference between their former weight and their current weight. I lost more than 50 lbs and couldn't tell the difference if my life depended on it. Then one day, bam!, I could see it in pictures of myself. It takes a while to adjust, and that is normal.

Trust in your new clothing size, trust in the work you put in to lose the weight. There is a difference. Just give yourself some time to get used to it.

Penny - that's interesting and I totally think you're on to something! I used to be very skinny and the weight began creeping on after I had kids. It took me a long time to realize and accept that I was fat. I remember the first time a doctor said I should watch the weight gain I blew it off and the next time a different doctor told me I needed to lose weight, I was actually shocked but I still didn't really see myself as fat. Over the past 3 years I began to recognize that I am fat and I'll sometimes say something to that effect and my husband has started to correct me. Well, while I'm very definitely still overweight, I'm no longer visibly obese and I think that's where my husband is coming from. But I'm wondering if I'm going to have this issue WHEN I finally lose all this excess weight.

In my universe 140 and shopping in the Juniors Department is THIN! I mean I don't know how tall you are, but in any case I assure you that you aren't fat. Your Ex, however is an azz!! It's not about losing weight for you, IMHO. It's about feeling pretty again and having confidence. Maybe for the first time since you've known your Ex!

The only man who has ever tried to make me self conscious about my weight ("X said that no man would ever have you"... Oh, really? Let me call X right now and see if he said that... "NO! I mean... he would never admit that and told me that in confidence..." (Yeah, Right)...)... Was after I REJECTED HIM!! Not that you rejected your Ex Husband. Not at all. But men who feel POWERLESS attack the women!! We call it "Kicking the dog" when you turn on your family after a really bad day. And if he lost you... Then believe me... He's having a REALLY bad life right now!!