Why do I have to change for respect?
 

Guys don't respect me now and for some reason don't see me as girlfriend material. I get complements on my personality all the time but I'm not getting any dates. I have a beautiful face but I'm overweight. I can tell that the whole weight thing is the issue with a lot of guys. I want to lose weight but the thing is that it pisses me off that I have to change as a person in order for someone to like me, as if I can't be accepted for who I am right now. Is it such a bad thing to be overweight?

LittleMissWarhead Sure is disgusting isn't it!!!

Sounds like some guys just need to get to really know you then they can see what is really important.

I met husband when I was 16, thin, (and not very wise). Luckily he is a marvelous man but we dated 3 years so I could grow up before we married. Been married decades so dating was so long ago I have no clue.

Hi
Sorry that you are experiencing that. What I have heard over and again is: as people accept themselves, others do as well. It is not a bad thing to be overweight. Some guys do not want to date overweight girls. But what if the perfect guy for you likes girls who are bigger and you just have not yet met him?

If you want to lose, do it for you. Not for guys who do not like overweight girls. That's just my opinion. AND also if you want people to accept you, maybe work on self acceptance. I am not saying I am good at this myself. I was constantly bullied by my mother and other relatives for not being that perfect size. So I have very low self esteem attached to body image. That's my work. Ya, I can lose the weight so people see me differently. But I have to see myself differently. My work is to accept myself regardless. I think thats when people will really accept me no matter what size I am.

So, sure, if you want to lose the weight, go for it. But you might also want to ask yourself how accepting you are of you. Because often if people are accepting of themselves, then others are as well. And, well would you want the guys who do not accept you at a larger size? Just my personal thoughts. Partially coming from my own experiences.

flower123
Your words ring true. I've noticed that as I've become more self accepting, the hurtful comments that once would have been devastating are now simply telling me about the character of the one speaking

I'm gay, so I don't care much what dudes think, haha, but let me assure you there are many guys out there who would be into you exactly the size you are now! Many guys actually prefer plus size women. Do not let the opinions of a few guys make you feel badly about yourself!

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Guys can be fickle about weight, they just might not be the right guy for you. You know the old phrase love yourself first - keep doing that because then the rest follows. Just know that as your hoping and looking for that guy, the package might not be what you'd normally go for. Look at their heart and mind as looks and shapes come and go with age and life, and I am guessing that the guys you'd like to be with haven't learned that the person w/those qualities is where it's at beyond the outside package. There is no reason to change for a guy, if you want to make a change to make yourself happy and healthy, do it for you. Never feel like you have to make changes for others especially a guy who gives you the old line "if you were thin I'd date you". Sorry once in life I had a guy tell me I was too heavy for his taste. I was mad as a hornet and do you know what? He wasn't all that to look at in the first place and I learned quickly his heart was stuck on the physical only.

But I kept looking not letting that episode deter me and the man I married might not be hot hot hot to others, but he is to me: his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his singing, his thoughtfulness and caring. His looks and size weren't why I went after him, I was looking for the whole package. I could go on and on, but once people stop w/the superficial and that the world tells us is ok to look only a certain way to be acceptable for love is nonsense. Love who you are, keep your eyes open for a good heart and mind and keep in mind too that the more beautiful you feel on the inside will show on the outside! GL!

There might be a few shallow guys out there but I have to disagree with you that guys don't want you because of your weight. I've been overweight all of my adult life and I have never lacked attention from men. I would say I am pretty, but I am by no means a knockout babe or anything like that. I truly believe that people are attracted to confidence more than anything else and when I was dating guys would flock. I believe strongly in The Rules and attest all my success on playing hard to get, which men used to find irresistible (I'm married now so all those games are over lol).

Are you looking to date a guy who's self conscious? Are you looking for a guy who hates his appearance? No, nobody is. Think about what attracts you to a guy, that's how I see it. I'd be looking for a guy who is smart, confident, easy going, fun, has good friends, is drama free and happy with his life.

It's the easiest thing in the world to blame weight for not having a boyfriend. But it's a cop out.

You should try being a fat guy.

All the ladies were just queuing up...

It's a universal problem I am afraid.

Saying that, the one will see through the weight.

I've been fat most of my adult life and men have shunned me for it. The couple of men I've been involved with *****ed and moaned about my fat and ultimately broke up with me. I'm sure a lack of confidence didn't help.

I'm doing this for my health. I'm approaching 40 and diabetes/heart disease/ Alzhemiers run in the family. I don't want to get sick.

Sorry you're dealing with this. The right guy for you will eventually come along though, it could take a while. In the meantime, focus on being happy in your own skin and exuding confidence

Just wondering, why do we think! We need to be in a relationship to be happy?

I'm old, been in a long term relationship, have great kids, awesome grandkids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a farm. If anything were to happen to my husband, I would NEVER look at myself as "GIRLFRIEND" material.

I would be, "well, I have 2 kids, 4 grandkids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a farm, and grand dogs and grand cats, I workout, I eat right, I love football, I love to garden, can, and whatever, if you want part of this, YOU have to take ME for what I am.

If you do not like it, HIT THE ROAD!:carrot:

Because we live in a hideously shallow society. I got to my goal weight about 5 years ago before slowly ballooning back up and it was SHOCKING how differently everyone treated me. People waiting on me in stores were nicer when I was thinner, waiters in restaurants.... It's actually pretty disgusting.

This might sound trite, but it's the guys, not you. It's really, REALLY not you. There are tons of men who would be absolutely thrilled to date you and would value you at your current size, no changes necessary. It's a matter of finding them. Perhaps the guys in your current environment just aren't the greatest?

I have to say I think confidence is a huge part I have been overweight my whole life and Ive pretty much always had boyfriends (even if they weren't a good choice lol) But I also have to admit that I honestly wouldn't be attracted to a man that was as overweight as I was to my height and what not so I hate to agree with it but I definitely do understand. Everyone is attracted to what they like. I actually was talking with a guy before I met my boyfriend and he only liked overweight girls but the fact that he told me that was a such a turn off, why? I have no idea I guess because I wanted to be like everyone else but the thing is, we aren't.

I want to add to this that not all men are like that. I met my boyfriend when I was 260 gained 23 lbs with him and have lost 45lbs now with him and he has never stopped loving me from the beginning to now and has never mentioned my weight or been ashamed or anything. Everyone is different and there is someone out there that will accept you for you and DO NOT lose weight for any other reason than you wanting to do it for yourself.

Agreed.