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Not feeling support in my home
I don't mean to sound whiney and hopefully I can chalk this up to being an emotional wreck since cutting my caloric intake but I am feeling a lot of resentment towards my boyfriend that 2 days in a row asked if we could have pizza for dinner. He is the guy that wants to gain weight while I am the girl who has been overweight her whole life. I LOVE PIZZA. I only started my caloric drop 5 weeks ago so its safe to say that the cravings are still very real. I do so much planning with meal planning and scheduling workouts to not have to think about the cravings. Yesterday I basically said "I was about to start cooking dinner" and he was so tired that he dealt with it and I was like, "phewwww." Tonight just as I was about to put my chicken and veg on the grill he asks again about pizza. I said, "YOU can have pizza." I guess Im more than annoyed and saddened because I usually leave him little notes in his lunch bag and the one today mentioned that I am really glad he didn't order pizza last night bc every day is a struggle. Now Im sitting here fighting back tears because I really want some effing pizza and the anxiety of when the delivery guy will show up in about 20-30 minutes is driving me insane. I don't want chicken and veg. Im sure it will be great but I want pepperoni effing pizza. I'm sorry that I am being a whiney brat, but I am just not feeling the support I wish I had at this beginning stage considering he has a lot to do with what made me start this journey. Feeling sorry for myself
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it's okay to vent here!! I'm so sorry this is a sucky problem. Myself, I also think it isn't fair when a partner/spouse/S.O. just doesn't seem to care that their partner is struggling, and they go ahead and have what they want. Because it's so hard to have that certain food right in the same house when you've shopped/planned/prepared to keep it out.
Others will say that we have no right to tell a loved one what not to eat. That we will have to deal with this out in the world all the time. but I have complete sympathy for you :hug: so has the delivery come yet? I say eat your chicken and veg and drink lots of water and be totally filled to the tip-top so the pizza won't be quite as tempting. |
Ok, I eat pizza. I just work it into my calories.
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Holly it does suck and I have no right to tell him what he should or shouldn't eat. I am pretty sure most people on this site have dealt with this situation of just being very vulnerable in the beginning. The cravings are there, but I plan so hard to avoid them. The delivery guy hasn't arrived yet thank God, but my chicken and veg is off the grill so when he does arrive, I am just going to have to be on a different floor of the house.....and shut the door bc it will smell so yummy. CatRN, I am not against pizza, but the problem is that it was not worked into my calories for the day. If I want pizza, I am going to plan what the rest of my meals will be or exercise so I can indulge. Today I planned for moderate meals so pizza does not fit into the equation for tonight....although i wish it did.
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I'm wondering if the pizza isn't so much about the food with him, but a spontaneous bonding thing. He could have went and had pizza at any point during the day..Seems like he wanted to having it with you. I'm not saying you should eat it, but and I get the whole temptation thing, but did you guys usuall bond while eating or something?
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I occasionally eat pizza still but I don't go crazy with it anymore.
I agree you can't tell him what to eat BUT I'd politely ask to please not order it until you feel some control. You can compare it to quitting smoking. If you're trying to quit it would be impossible if your SO is lighting up in front of you. If he wants pizza he can go out and grab a slice or two but ask him to entertain the idea of eating healthier with you. Besides, if he really wants to gain weight tell him pizza isn't the right way to do it. ;) BTW, I ate really bad tonight and am sitting here with so much remorse. Don't do it. |
5 minutes of bad food = Days and days of work to undo the damages.
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I dont know if this is accurate, but it seems as if it feels he is disrespecting you by doing this and he doesn't even realize it. It's no big deal to him. He's carrying on as normal. You'd think the note you left would be as direct as sweet as one could be, but it sounds like you need to sit down and spell it out even more how hard this is and what it felt like. I honestly don't know what kind of relationship you have together, or how long you've been together, but if he doesn't climb on board quickly to at least try and be mindful of your struggle, I could completely understand how this could become a bigger issue. And not to mention, the leftovers! :(
On another note, I hope you were able to resist. It sound like you were. To another day! |
To answer all the questions, we don't bond over food. He actually doesn't enjoy eating at all(even foods he really likes). I think he has a sensory issue with that. Sorry for your bad food remorse. I know how that goes so I didn't want to get that. My body is not that of letting me eat something like "just a slice of pizza" and it being okay. My body hates me and I need to eat only super nutrient rich food or I balloon up. So bye bye to yummy cheese and pepperoni and lots of bread...lol. We've been together for almost 10 yrs and have had our share of issues. at the time of the pizza ordering it seemed disrespectful but I think he just doesn't get it. I had a minor mental breakdown after my original post last night and I told him why I was crying and I think he got it finally....especially when I stormed upstairs and when he asked me why, I told him that I didn't want to be around when the pizza came. Well, the end of this story is that he has a fairly sensitive stomach and probably shouldn't be eating pizza anyway so before bed he was grabbing his stomach saying "I can't eat that S**t anymore" lol. Kira 1, Pizza 0 in our game. Too bad the score is different in the game between the pizza and my boyfriend.
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Originally Posted by CatRN78: |
Originally Posted by kiwi1222: |
My ex husband and I used to have pizza night pretty often - maybe weekly. I would buy flatout light and make each of us a 250-300 calorie personal sized pizza with toppings of choice.
I still do this quite often for my daughter - we use 100 calorie pita bread and it comes out perfect every time. Broil a bit on one side until crispy, remove from oven, flip over and top with sauce and toppings to throw back under the broiler. We make BBQ chicken pizza, Thai peanut chicken pizza, pear and gorgonzola mesclun pizza, buffalo chicken pizza, and of course the "regular" varieties. The best parts? It takes about 10 minutes from start to finish, and it's CHEAP! |
Since your boyfriend wants to gain weight, he very likely will have to eat foods that you're going to find tempting. There's really no way around that unless one of you gives up your personal goals in order to support the other. That's not the kind of support either of you need.
My husband and I both want to lose weight, but we seem to do best on very different styles of eating. Hubby is trying semi-vegetarian with very little meat and virtually no red meat, and I'm doing a more traditional low-carb. He envies my steaks, and I envy his potatoes, but if we want to eat together, we have to suck it up, and deal with it. Sometimes we can't, and then we eat alone and even at different times. |
Originally Posted by kiwi1222: I know because I live w/my mom *sighs* who is very overweight like me and while I've tried to encourage change, she's not very interested. That said, she has brought home many things that I would normally eat, like vegetable fried rice & vegetable pizza (I'm lacto-ovo vegetarian, my mom LOVES meat lol) so these were clearly for me even though she claimed it wasn't. I used to succumb to temptation and be mad at myself, but now I am a lot stronger willed when it comes to the issue because I know that greasy fried rice isn't doing anything good for my body. Now when I have a bad day it's not usually on eating Doritos and Hershey bars but eating too much health conscious food like Beanitos Puffs, Chobani yogurt, Kind bars, etc. which is still something I'm working through, but it reminds me of the saying "Next time fail better..." progress, not perfection. I know everyone is doing something different here, the main thing we have in common is trying to reduce our weight, and hopefully be healthier. That said, I do calorie-counting and I try to eat foods that are conducive to good health (nothing to do with vegetarianism, because most of the past 8+ years I've spent as a vegetarian I ate super unhealthy, fried cheese sticks, brownies in ice cream, etc. health wasn't the goal, and my weight ballooned up to 350 lbs.) . With diabetes, cancers, strokes, etc. in my family and my having PCOS, I try to choose foods that taste good but also nourish me. All of that said, I still eat pizza (usually from Pizza Hut :o ) and while it may not have helped my weight loss, it didn't destroy it either. I'm a firm believer in making whatever plan you're following liveable to maintain your results for life. If you love pizza, and you can't enjoy the occasional slice (or 2 ;) ) without it destroying all of your hard work, I'd see what else is out there as far as weight loss plans. Back to your boyfriend, just tell him that you're trying really hard to eat healthier and you need him to be onboard, he can have his pizza, but try to do it when you're not around. Hopefully he'll get the message. |
Kiwi, congrats on going upstairs to eat healthy out of harms way. I have orderd my fav pizza for my grandkids ( the only time they get to have pizza) and pulled one bite off of the crust ( I'm gluten free ) to eat. Then I took my healthy meal into the living room. In the last few months I think of pizza as gross greasy, sickening stuff and gag when I see it. I used a self hypnosis trick so I could join in without cravings. It's always what both my grown kids and grandkids want for their Bdays. I had to do something LOL!
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I can remember very clearly when I felt just like you do except it wasn't just with my husband, it was with everyone in some way. If my mother was eating bread I thought she was trying to sabotage my low fat diet. If my friends were eating dessert I thought they were being insensitive to me. If my husband wanted chips I thought he was being a selfish jerk. I could go on. I felt this way constantly no matter what diet I was on. In truth I knew that I was the common problem because normal people don't get angry about food or defensive about diets, normal people don't seeth in anger because the pizza smells too good while eating chicken.
So while I can sympathize with you I also don't think your boyfriend has done anything wrong. You can't control what others do and you can't even expect them to be sensitive to this issue because this is really an issue you need to work through. I see things completely differently now since I've been doing IE for over a year and I can easily tell you that my husband can sit next to me and eat a bowl of chips without me having any kind of emotional response to it. I don't feel angry, sabotaged, scared of my cravings, or nervous around that food anymore. Potato chips are literally just an inanimate object when just a year ago they were my weakness, my nemesis, my comfort, the source of my self loathing, the cause of my fatness and my trigger. I never would have believed it is I didn't experience it for myself but yes moderation is possible and it does lead to weightloss and more importantly peace of mind which is the main issue here. |
Way to go Kiwi! :cp::cp: :bravo::cp::cp:
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:carrot:That's awesome Kiwi!
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Originally Posted by Palestrina: |
When the question or whining about junky food comes up "oh, lets just get some icecream" or "one cheat sundae wont matter"; I have been saying something to myself (the evil little devil that wants junk food inside of me) and my husband (another evil little devil that wants junk food).
"Oh, suck it up, Nancy!" Its tough love on myself and my husband. ha ha ha |
Originally Posted by kiwi1222: |
I know what you're going through. My mom and brother eat out every single day (usually fast food crap which doesn't bother me at all because I can't eat it anyway), drink soda 24/7, and don't respect my tiny area that I have in the fridge. It's very frustrating. My brother makes stupid comments when I try to exercise (you're breathing heavy, are you ok you look like you're going to die!), when I eat (are you seriously measuring your food, have you counted your calories today?!) He's just rude and unhelpful. He might mean well, but it doesn't help and it's hurtful sometimes. He hasn't stopped even though I've talked to him several times about it. He's just a self-absorbed person.
Nothing I can do about that except keep going and prove him wrong. I told him the other day after he made a rude comment about my green tea. I said, "When I'm 239 pounds (because he's 240) and you come crying to me asking how I lost weight, I'm going to throw my green tea at you and smile." He didn't know what to say, it felt great to finally make him speechless LOL! |
I eat pizza without cheese or too much oil. (Vegan)
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Originally Posted by tranquilize: |
Kiwi, I have always had to face this with my DH who has never had a weight problem. For years, I ate the foods he wanted, and that's a big part of my weight problem. I know that in my life I am always going to be confronted with foods I should not be eating and it is in my best interest to learn how to deal with that instead of trying to make people quit eating what they like. I know it's hard, but it's the truth. You will run into foods at work, at parties, etc. Every time you successfully pass on that food is a victory that makes you stronger.
We used to get pizza often, at least once a week. I loved pizza and that was one of the hardest things for me to give up when I became diabetic. Now, when DH gets pizza, I pull off the cheese and topping and cut them up into a big bowl of salad greens. I get to taste the cheese and toppings without over-doing it and don't eat the crust. It took some adjustment, but this pizza salad is my way of dealing with it. Tranquilize, brothers can be a big PITA, but when push comes to shove, in the end he will have your back. He is giving you incentive to show him what you're made of!!! |
Originally Posted by Palestrina: This really just spoke to me on more levels then one! |
Originally Posted by kiwi1222: Wannabehealthy, thank you. :) About the pizza talk! I could never take the cheese off a pizza, because I LOVE cheese. I would rather just not eat the pizza and save it the dissection, lol. But I am SO proud of myself because I haven't eaten much cheese at all since probably the beginning of the year. And cheese was in probably every meal I ate. I LOVE it! But sometimes when you love something you have to let it go.. lol |
Oh, I don't give up the cheese on the pizza. I eat it in my salad! It's the carby crust I ditch!
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