You hit the nail on the head. In observing "naturally thin" people it's obvious to me that they may eat as much as THEY want, but they don't eat as much as ** I ** would want. Differences in appetite/desire for food are much, much greater than differences in metabolism, IMO.

F.

It is interesting to observe how other people behave where food is a central part of the setting, but ultimately, I don't think I have ever really learned much from "naturally skinny" people. Ya know, I'm pretty good with money and keeping a budget, but I also don't have much interesting in buying expensive clothes or shoes. Telling someone who is more fashion-inclined to "not buy shoes" doesn't seem to be of much value, IMO.

You guys are way overthinking this.

Skinny people walk up escalators, even if they are carrying bags.

So I do now as well.

But really, for me at least, it's been this:

Originally Posted by :
We just get busy, and we put ourselves last as moms and our many other roles. I think when we make ourselves a priority...then as the relationship with ourselves heals, so does our habits and other things.

I reject the genes hypothesis because that has excused my obesity for the last two decades. "oh your dad was big, so you must be". Heard it all the time. Yes, he was. But when I finally took the leap to test making the changes, then omg. Sorry dad. That was just all BS.

I don't think anyone is trying to discount genetics because sure they play a role. I think eating is behavioral. Because our minds all work differently we all need different approaches that align with our values and motivations. We all have to take stock of "What can I do, what am I willing to do, and what am I not willing to do?" Some people like large quantities of food, other people like strict schedules, etc. We all have specific patterns of eating and each of us must address those as we see fit. We run into problems when we hit our heads against the wall trying to make a method fit that just doesn't work but as long as we keep trying to find the right approach then everything will be ok.

How can I make myself a priority when all I seem to do is avoid my feelings? That kind of approach has always gotten me into trouble because I wake up charged and ready to fight the good fight but by the end of the day I reach and emotional state that makes me want to run and hide and eat. Obviously that approach won't work for an emotional eater, but that doesn't discount it as a good approach that is a better fit for someone else.

What's great about 3fc is that we can all illustrate just how effective each of these methods are. I don't know if I'll ever be a "normal eater" or if there even is such an ellusive thing, all I know is that I can and I am able to normalize my relationship with food. It's a slow process but it is possible.

I'm not sure we're overthinking. We're just saying that the desire to eat differs vastly among people and accounts for a lot of the variability in weight. While desire to eat may be genetically based, it can be managed to some degree, unlike, say, metabolism. So to my mind this view offers hope (along with being accurate).

F.

Exactly. Also I like to analyse, find a posible solution and stick to it rather then jump right into action - but again, we are all different etc. Analysing my (and others') food behavior is helping me to find my very own coping strategies, it's not holding me back from action (as överthinking would probably do). I am really grateful for all you guys and your input.

I guess for me, sticking to a diet and losing 20-30-40 pounds have never been the main issue. I have done it, several times actually. Sadly I never found any "diet" that would feel doable long term - I always took dieting as a challenge I had to overcome, so I did, I lost some weight, but I never stack to any plan and always gained everything back.

For me it's about quality of life. I want to live normal, happy, healthy life. I don't want to end up counting calories from the rest of my life (hats off to all of you who have been doing this for years, I'm just not consistent enough, I hate charting, keeping a track, I hate numbers and all that's needed for this way of dieting). So somehow I feel like I have to start from a completely different point of view now. I have to change my habbits first. I have to adopt new life style, even if it takes months or years. And in that I feel like I have a lot to learn from those who do this naturally, without even thinking. I will always have to think about food, but that's ok. I have learnt to live with my forgetfullness, for example, and my coping strategies are so good now nobody who didn't know me before would think I am forgetfull (and yes, I am)....I expect this to be similar with food. I will find my coping strategies so from the outside my behaviour would look "natural", even if it takes hard work inside. Does that even make sense? It does in my head.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma:
You hit the nail on the head. In observing "naturally thin" people it's obvious to me that they may eat as much as THEY want, but they don't eat as much as ** I ** would want. Differences in appetite/desire for food are much, much greater than differences in metabolism, IMO.

F.

I completely agree, at least in MY case. I have the desire and capacity to eat enormous volumes of food whereas most people that i *know*, do not...

Originally Posted by Ronja:
I will find my coping strategies so from the outside my behaviour would look "natural", even if it takes hard work inside. Does that even make sense? It does in my head.

It makes perfect sense. The best we can hope for is to make a new habit "second nature" -- it will never be our "first nature."

F.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma:
The best we can hope for is to make a new habit "second nature" -- it will never be our "first nature."

F.

Well put, as usual, FL

This is a good post and very true. But naturally skinny people typically keep busy and snack on a lot of protein. Well at least I always did when I was skinny without trying. Then I noticed after having my son, I was having a hard time losing the baby weight, so I started to think back to what I did when I was skinny without trying. I ate mainly protein, even when snacking. I ate my food actually chewing it, not hurrying through it, and when I was done, I always finished the meat because wasting meat was a sin to me....lol Going back to that, has helped me tremendously.

Originally Posted by IanG:
You guys are way overthinking this.

Skinny people walk up escalators, even if they are carrying bags.

So I do now as well.

But really, for me at least, it's been this:



I reject the genes hypothesis because that has excused my obesity for the last two decades. "oh your dad was big, so you must be". Heard it all the time. Yes, he was. But when I finally took the leap to test making the changes, then omg. Sorry dad. That was just all BS.

For me, the opposite was true. When I started thinking that genetics might account for why I seemed to be so much HUNGRIER!!!!! than slimmer people, I started seeing my obesity as a physical problem to be solved, rather than a mental/willpower one.

I'm still struggling, but I've had more success in the last ten years than in the previous 35, so considering genetics gave me a reason to fight harder and smarter rather than give up.

Regardless of genetics, habits and behavior are still the bottom line.

Still, I think acknowledging that you may always have to work harder and be more vigilant than feels natural (whether you blame genetics, your environment, family history, mental illness or conscious choices) can give you an advantage.

People are naturally skinny due to genetics. The rest of us can work hard to mimic their habits. It will always require work and vigilance.

Originally Posted by mars735:
People are naturally skinny due to genetics.

Well, yes, but I think the main question being discussed here is: Are people naturally skinny because of:
1. Genes that make them able to eat 3,000 calories a day without gaining any weight? OR
2. Genes that make them feel satisfied with smaller amounts of food, so they don't WANT to eat 3,000 calories a day?

My vote, based on years of observing naturally skinny people, goes to the latter. As others have noted, they may pig out on occasion, but they're naturally driven to compensate for it the next meal or the next day. They leave food on their plates without conscious effort and sometimes skip meals because they're "not hungry." Which happens to me perhaps once in a decade.;)

F.

I like eating a lot and I do eat a lot. That could be genes based on our discussion.

But I have found food that does not make me gain weight, specifically gain fat. And I exercise. Job done.

I have begin to discover that a calorie is not a calorie. That might be the secret of naturally skinny people.

They just don't eat much cr@p.

Genetics plays a MUCH larger role in people weight than anything else. That's just a stone cold fact, and you definitely can't pretend that there's not a genetic component to why some people seem to be naturally overweight and other people seem to be naturally skinny.

In fact, I think that if our society didn't place so much blame on obese people, and shame them horribly as though it's 100% their fault, ignoring the fact that there are absolutely genetic factors contributing to it (you know, not to mention social factors...poor people can't afford healthy food), people would be getting the support they needed, and we'd have a lot less people that are obese.

Skinny people may eat smaller portions (a habit), but they also crave food less (a genetic/hormonal issue). That being said, healthy habits and willpower are still really important to losing weight. I think that step one is finding out what kind of a diet you need for YOUR specific body, and then tailor your habits to accommodate that.