163 lbs. That is how much I weigh. I was too scared to check my weight this second round, and just figured I weighed about 155lbs; a weight I used to be that kind of "looked" the way I do now. But I'm wrong. About ~10 lbs off kind of wrong. I'm feeling so many emotions...and I know its stupid because there are people dying out there and I feel completely crushed over a number on a scale. Crushed. My heart sank when I saw the number, and my sister jokingly said "don't cry" but she could not be more spot on as to how I feel.

Why am I this sad? I think I'm more sad at the disappointment I feel with myself. How did I let myself go this far? I made (begged) my parents to pay almost 2 grand for a personal trainer that got me down to 143. My parents were proud. I was proud. I didnt recognize who I even was anymore, fats, carbs, fried foods, sweets, these were all things that didnt tempt me, didnt have power of me, I was so proud of my healthy lifestyle decisions, and not even decisions, but my TASTE, my appetite ,my cravings, were none of that. That made me proud.My motivation to run, dance, etc. That made me proud too. Now? I'm almost 10 lbs away from the most I've ever been in my life again, a point in my life that used to be so depressing and dark and I suppose I'm not only disappointed with my poor life choices but am paralyzed with fear that this means I'm back to the girl I used to be.

I'm writing these words and realizing how defeated I sound, I'm not. Just heartbroken over myself if that makes sense. I will always keep trying, and I'm letting all of 3FC know so I can hold onto this promise a little tighter. I will get back down into the 140s... ONE step at a time.

I'm sorry...it is so hard. I weigh regularly so my weight gain wasn't a surprise but nonetheless disheartening. Good luck to you!

You don't need to publicly shame yourself, it makes me sad when people do this in the hopes of sparking some sort of incentive for themselves. If someone you love gained weight would you publicly shame them to motivate them to change? Probably not, because that would be mean and you'd be a bully. Read over your post again and pretend as if you're saying that to your best friend, would you? I don't think you would, we would never speak to anyone else that way so why speak like that to yourself?

How did you feel before you stepped on the scale? Try to get that feeling back because it sounds like you weren't feeling too bad about yourself. Don't let a number on a machine (which is only one small piece of a puzzle) define how you feel about yourself. I don't step on the scale much anymore and I'm much happier than I was when I was weighing myself regularly. I try to focus on how I feel, how my clothes fit, and how exercise makes me feel. It's very hard to build a good self image when you're shaming yourself so don't do it - talk to yourself the way you would talk to your daughter if she came to you with these feelings.

And by the way, there are people who weigh more than you. How are we supposed to feel when you're shaming a number (163) that most of us wish we could be?

Be glad you caught it before you gained even more. You can do it!

This is true about the bullying part, I do need to be easier on myself, it's just pretty difficult when I feel like I've completely let myself down/go.

Also, just to make it clear, I am not shaming anyone who is above that number, it's not the number that a huge shocking number, it's the climb form what I was and also what's associated to the number, because last time I was near that number, my life was a mess and it only took me going down a lot of weight to realize how bad it was. So the number has a symbolic meaning to me, it is not just a "big" ambiguous number.

I think 90% of the people have been in your shoes. I have lost and gained weight several times through the last 10 years. I started at 190 in college....and just changing my lifestyle was enough back then...got down to 145. Then slowly over the years I crept up to 160. Went through an academy and lost 15, back to 145. Less than two years later I was back at 160...then my boyfriend (now husband) and I started the P90x program and I managed to drop back to 145..........SO two more years later, here I am again fighting that pesky 15 lbs that creeps back faster and faster as I age....

Life does get in the way. You may change jobs, boyfriends, have kids....or have some stressful change in your life. We all go though it, we all make excuses not to work out or to eat bad foods. I have been back and forth with myself over the last two years trying to motivate to get really into the weight loss routine, but I guess 160 is my magic # to really kick it in the ***. (you would have though my wedding would have been more of a motivator..but then I was 155 or a little less)

Perspective is all relevant to the person. To you and I, 15 lbs is shitty. Your clothes don't fit, your feeling bloated, and it is a big deal. 15 lbs seems like such a small number, but I swear being the last 15 to loose to get to your goal, it is the hardest!

Don't beat yourself up. Get started today. Research the program that works best with your lifestyle. Take before pictures, start a log, and go grocery shopping.....for nothing processed. Surround yourself with good foods, hide the tempting foods. Limit eating out and/or drinking to once a week...and even then do not over indulge too much.

You don't need a spendy personal trainer. I think you will find doing it yourself will be more rewarding and will prove to yourself you are not helpless.

I didn't feel like you were shaming yourself too much. And I understand a bit how you feel. Before I started my journey I "thought" I was about 170... 175... Imagine my surprise at 194!!!

I felt guilty. I felt bad. I think its natural for some of us, and I think that some of us need to go through that process. The last thing you need is to feel guilty for feeling guilty... Gosh what a vicious cycle THAT is!!!

I have every confidence you'll shake this off and start up again And this is learning yourself... Write it down as experience and keep going. You didn't waste your parents money with the trainer, now you KNOW what to do and what your capable of!!! You did it, and you're catching yourself from letting it happen all over again even worse, that's an accomplishment.

I wish I was 163 right now, but I don't feel like you were calling me fat or shaming me at all. I know if I suddenly gained from where I am now, I'd be disappointed in myself too.

My suggestion is feel what you got to feel for a moment, but shake it off at the end of the day and don't linger. Read what encourages you on here and pick yourself up!!! Today we fight back

I didn't think you were shaming anyone. I was just trying to put this arbitrary number (163) into perspective. It's just a number that can be seen from a lot of different view points. It's not a bad number or a good number. But try to see past the number which is an external factor and look at how you feel inside instead.

I weigh 178 pounds so I wish I was your weight

Thats the worst thing when you don't weigh yourself regularly and I must admit at my worst I always thought I was about 14 stone and a bit and was actually 16 stone.

But at least now you know you can do something about it!

I agree with the poster who said that probably 90% of us have been where you are. I definitely have. I also felt much like you're feeling. In fact, right now, I'm probably up 10 lbs. from my lowest weight. I don't feel good about it. The best we can do, though, is move forward. I have a suggestion: Figure out a plan that works for you---i.e., eating and exercise. Then, go to the grocery story asap and buy the items you need to get on track (even if you're not going on a formal plan, just stocking up on healthy, nourishing foods will help). Start today. I would suggest not weighing yourself until you're at least a month in. Instead, focus on eating well and exercising and feeling good rather than just losing weight. I think that will take some of the pressure off. At the end of a month, weigh yourself. Losing just 4-5 lbs. and seeing that on the scale will make you feel better and ensure you that it IS possible to get down to where you were before. Remember: YOU are in control; you are not at the mercy of food, cravings, etc.