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-   -   Weight loss support - new to here! (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/301066-weight-loss-support-new-here.html)

flamingolove88 12-17-2014 05:14 PM

Weight loss support - new to here!
 
Hi there everyone
I wanted to join this site to try and connect with people who may understand how I feel. I am 26 year old female from UK and I am obese. I probably need to lose around 10 stone in total. The thing that has prompted me to join is that I have broken relations with my family. I currently live with my parents and am saving for a deposit to hopefully move out in the not so distant future. I suppose I should start at the beginning of my story as such. I had a very good childhood, was always a touch chubby but looking back it was only slightly chubby and I had a great relationship with my family. As I grew up I did not lose the weight and instead have piled it on.
As a result my relationship with my mum particularly has become strained. Don't get me wrong she is a good person and she has done a lot for me but I am finding the constant interventions every so often to tell me how much I depress her and how much I need to lose weight, very disheartening. I always end up very upset and it always ends up with an argument. The problem that I have with her approach is that I consider it to be wrong to argue with me over weight. It makes me feel disgusting and very uncomfortable in my day to day life and in their house. After another bout of it today I feel that the relationship has changed possibly beyond repair and I feel that if I was to lose weight I don't think I could talk to her. I understand she is a mother and she worries, but I think things could be handled differently. She does not have the right to do this to me and if I could afford it I would leave and not look back.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this apart from my sister. She doesn't live here and when we were younger she was abusive and would call me names quite often but she has changed. She doesn't understand things how I see them nor is she in my shoes so how can I expect her to?
The truth is I am probably very sad and possibly depressed about my situation. I feel that life is passing me by and this weight loss challenge will just be too hard to do so how am I going to start? It is imperative that I do it now because my health will suffer. I am not losing weight for anyone else other than myself.
I suppose I am looking for some advice or tips for how to go forward. I don't want to live in a toxic environment but I would consider my mums behaviour to me to be bordering on abusive and I cannot tolerate it any longer. I feel that it is whittling away at me. I don't really leave my room when I am home. I know I am not living how I would like to. I avoid certain situations or nights out now and I never used to. I really want this change and believe it or not I am very self confident or perhaps I used to be.
Any words of wisdom would be great and much appreciated

Lots of love xoxo

kaybee1 12-17-2014 07:13 PM

I agree with what Lauren001 says. However, maybe instead of locking yourself up in your room you could try to find an activity/hobby to keep you out of the house? It could be anything, joining a knitting group, wednesday night boardgames with friends, crafting, bonus points if you can find something that pumps up your activity level like nightly walks, joining a dodgeball team, or a hiking group. I don't know what your fitness level is but there are tons of activities you can sign up for that are easily adaptable to all levels of fitness. Something like this would be great for you because you will be able to get out of the house thus avoiding unwanted tension with your mother, you will make new friends AND you will start to improve your overall health all while striking up a new hobby and improving your emotional situation too!

Is there anything you like to do that you haven't thought of doing in a while? Maybe make that your new year's resolution, to get out there and do it!

ScienceGirl22 12-17-2014 07:56 PM

Hey Girl,


I agree that you might need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her that ridicule and mistreatment aren't helping. Support and encouragement will help you reach your goals. However, if you mom doesn't know how to show her support in a healthy way, you might have to seek support elsewhere (this is a good start, I just joined today as well!) You mentioned you are trying to save money to move out, have you considered a roommate situation? Its the cheapest way for you to get out on your own and would also give you an opportunity to start fresh in a new location. I know that at least for me situations and environments can be triggers for me to emotionally eat, I come from an overweight family and even when I just go home for the holidays I end up eating way more then when I am at my own home. If you can't leave home yet I would suggest trying to change your environment a bit as mentioned first start with talking to your mother and as kaybee suggested getting out more would definitely help (walking in nature is always good for the soul and sunshine makes you feel better too). I've struggled with my weight my whole life too. My heaviest was 275 pounds, but i've been able to maintain a weight somewhere between 245-230 for the last 15 years or so. This year I started off pretty heavy floating around 245 then in May a friend introduced me to the whole 30 diet and I started my successful weight loss by cutting out processed foods, bread, pasta and sugar. I still eat very well and feel great. I've lost about 45 pounds since May this year. I know that there isn't one way to go for successful weight loss, but google whole 30 and check it out. I've noticed once you start losing weight, you feel so good and want to keep it up. I can share some more tips/exercises i've been doing as well. I'm 29 by the way so not much older then you :) You can do it, I think the first biggest hurdle is trying to convince yourself that you are worth it. Once you can build up more self love it's easier to takes steps to make yourself healthier. I'm kind of rambling on now, but feel free to message me for advise or anything :)

Fluffypuppy 12-20-2014 08:38 PM

I hope that maybe once you move out, you can keep your relationship with your family, just in smaller doses. With a little distance, things can change.

In the meantime, check out MyFitnessPal. It is an app/website where you can track calories in and out. It is a favourite of many folks here. There is no secret to weight loss, just burning more calories than you consume. There are websites where you can calculate your resting calorie burn like http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/ or BMr. This will tell you how many cals you would burn if you lay in bed all day! From there you can get an idea of how much under that number you should eat, based on your activity level. Also check out http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal_act.php. This tells you how long you should expect your weight loss to take based on your calorie intake. Of course it isn't perfectly accurate because we all have stalls and higher oops days but it's kind of a fun tool. At least I thought so. Hopefully it doesn't discourage you! Just remember time will pass whether you're losing weight or not so you might as well give it a go!

I'm sorry you are having such problems in your relationship with your mom. Feel free to come here and talk about it. If you prefer you may also pm me.

Stay true to you and all the best!

astrafine14 12-28-2014 02:01 PM

Quick Weight Loss Advice
 
Hi everyone,
I'm new and I will try to bring as much for people who desire to lose weight, using my blog and other means that I hope they will be most effective and beneficial.
Thank you for all and see you soon !!


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