Struggling with jealousy from husband's weight loss
My sweet husband has decided to eat healthier with me! I am truly happy that we can do this together.
Here's the deal: I have been extremely consistent, working hard for 4 months to lose weight. I've seen great success: 21 pounds in these four months.
My husband started 2 weeks ago. He doesn't have much to lose, about 20 pounds. In two weeks he has already lost 7.5 pounds. I'm so happy for him, but also jealous. Why is it so easy for him? No fair!!!!
I know that comparison is unhelpful, but I'm still struggling. Anyone else have a similar situation?
Yep - welcome to my world. I have the husband with the metabolism of a cheetah. He can eat whatever he wants; and, if he decides he wants to drop the 20 lbs he gains over the holidays - it takes him just a few weeks. Grrrr.
Keep in mind that you will get to your goal and him getting there faster is a annoying, but you will have a lifetime to be healthy together, whereas if he still maintained his old habits, it could make things more difficult for you in the long run.
One of the reasons men lose weight faster is muscle mass. Perhaps you already do this, but lifting heavy weights will help you increase your metabolism and lose fat faster. It may not show on the scale as much initially because of water weight, but I've seen women actually put on weight on the scale but get a lot smaller from heavy lifting.
I did have this situation. Two years ago my wife and I started a particular diet plan. It was actually her idea to start. Not knowing quite what to expect, she arbitrarily picked goals for us to meet. For me, she thought 30 pounds by the end of the year would be good. I agreed. (We started 8/1/12). I probably lost 30 pounds within the first 45 to 60 days. By the end of the year I was down about 90 pounds. My wife did well. I think she lost about 25 pounds by the end of the year. She would often declare, in a funny way, "you suck!" -- to show that she was jealous. She was, and is, very proud of me and supportive. But she eventually got off track and stopped losing at the end of the year. (We had gone on vacation, and while I stayed on plan, she did not .... and she never really got back on). I don't know if she developed a defeatist attitude because she wasn't losing like I was. But she definitely got disheartened.
I don't have jiggly bits or periods. And I can run outside at night. And sweat without feeling self-conscious. And smell. And eat fish for every meal. I can have bad gas (even at work) because of my diet and not worry about it. I can audibly grunt lifting heavy weights at the gym. etc. etc.
Weightloss was like skydiving for me.
Men are different. And social norms are easier on men than women.
I don't have jiggly bits or periods. And I can run outside at night. And sweat without feeling self-conscious. And smell. And eat fish for every meal. I can have bad gas (even at work) because of my diet and not worry about it. I can audibly grunt lifting heavy weights at the gym. etc. etc.
Weightloss was like skydiving for me.
Men are different. And social norms are easier on men than women.
So [polite version] just don't worry about it.
So [rude version] get over it.
LOL @ "Jiggly bits"
Unfortunately, I have them! And not the good kind!
All kidding aside. You also busted your arse to lose the weight and demonstrated an uncommon will to do whatever it took to get to your goal. You've done a phenomenal job getting healthy, Ian.
I hear ya. I was there for a while, having fun with it. Then it got away from me for a while. Struggling now to get back to that place again and stay there.
I don't have jiggly bits or periods. And I can run outside at night. And sweat without feeling self-conscious. And smell. And eat fish for every meal. I can have bad gas (even at work) because of my diet and not worry about it. I can audibly grunt lifting heavy weights at the gym. etc. etc.
Weightloss was like skydiving for me.
Men are different. And social norms are easier on men than women.
So [polite version] just don't worry about it.
So [rude version] get over it.
Glad to see the fellas chiming in and acknowledging that it is indeed easier for you than it is for us. Also men are a little more analytical than women and they like to pinpoint a problem and solve it. I'm willing to say that men aren't as crippled with emotional eating as we are. For men, if there is a problem there is a solution therefore there's not much to fret over. It's unfair but that's how it is.
And the social norms are different. A man can go out and eat thinkgs a woman is too embarrassed to eat. We have to act ladylike. We are almost constantly deprived and deprivation is the root of our binging.
I will say though, it's never appropriate to pass gas anywhere in public hehe. That's just gross and high school behavior.
Yes, I've been there. DH joined WW with me a few years ago. He has lost over 70 pounds and is a lifetime member. I've lost about 43 pounds. That is good, of course. Yet, I have followed the program much more closely than he has. He didn't even really track until he plateaued for his last 5 pounds or so. He started tracking and got to goal in a few weeks. He also got more points to eat than I did even when we were at similar weights for awhile. So, yeah. It isn't his fault, just the difference of gender and having less body fat.
Another thing to realize is that this is not a competition. Although its easier to do this when you are doing it together for support, try not to compare your progress with your spouse. There are so many variables involved, and we each have our own strengths and weaknesses in our quest to lose weight. To succeed in weight loss I had to come to terms with the fact that this is going to be an ongoing, life long struggle and that I would be battling against my own demons and foibles on a daily basis for the rest of my life. Its hard enough to do that without worrying about what others are doing.... and the bottom line is that it really doesn't matter how easy or hard it is for someone else to lose weight. All that matters is you.
One of the reasons men lose weight faster is muscle mass. Perhaps you already do this, but lifting heavy weights will help you increase your metabolism and lose fat faster. It may not show on the scale as much initially because of water weight, but I've seen women actually put on weight on the scale but get a lot smaller from heavy lifting.
This is great advice! I agree!
Ian and Joe, thanks for your input, too. Good stuff in your posts!!
Oh yes, another female here with a boyfriend who has lost much easier! He didn't set out to lose weight, but he knew about my efforts and made some changes because (I believe) he was inspired by me. Plus the changes in what I cook for dinner obviously helped. He's lost much much faster than me.
The other day, I mentioned that I was so close to losing 50 pounds! He turned to me and said, "That's all? I've lost that already and I haven't been trying nearly as hard as you." He didn't mean it as a jab, he honestly ahs seen all my efforts and was confused as to how my weight loss is going so much more slowly.
So it's nice to know he notices my efforts, and that we inspire each other, but gosh darn if it doesn't make me jealous anyhow
Last edited by nonameslob; 08-06-2014 at 12:36 PM.
Struggling with jealousy from husband's weight loss
