Question for tall people...
 

So for my fellow tall people (at least 5'10"), ladies especially, I have a question.

Does it seem that everyone and their brother "knows better" than you and your doctor what you should weigh?

I am continually frustrated by people telling me that I don't "really need to lose weight" or that I am "at a good weight for my height!" I've actually just started telling people that discussing food or diet or weight with me is off limits. I am so frustrated!
I am 6'1" and I have some back issues. My doctors have decided that I should shoot for the low 140s. That is a very reasonable weight for someone my height with an extra small frame like I have. (I am absolutely not saying that I can reach it though. It is so far away :( ) I am constantly being told by people "that's too low." It is so irritating! I have excellent doctors who know what they are doing. I'm quite certain they aren't trying to harm me. I have tried telling people over and over that this was a decision made with professionals but I still keep hearing it. It has reached the point where I just want to scream at people that they don't have the right to toss their judgement on my goals.

Am I the only one who has to deal with this? Right now I am still trying to fight my way into the 160s. I am a long ways off from the 140s and I've still got people nagging me. It's just adding to the frustration of trying to make better diet choices and avoid temptations. And who needs that? Why does it seem that people think if you're tall it's ok to weigh so much more than is healthy???

I get this type of comment on occasion but don't let it bother me. I'm 5'11" and have a medium frame, but I don't look scrawny at all at my current weight of 145 and can certainly "pinch an inch."

F.

I probably would but I don't tell any one my numbers. I have a small frame and am now shooting for the 140's. They are probably not thinking of different frame size. Leave off the numbers and just tell them you are just trying to get rid of some fat. Or say that you are following Dr orders.

Numbers are so judgemental. They look so different on people even at the same height.

Well, on sites like this we can't know your body frame. so when we just HEAR your height and weight and your goal, it sounds outlandish. My son is 6'2" and weighs 155 pounds and he is SKINNNNNNNY. The doctor is concerned with his weight being too low (though he's healthy). He has a 'mixed' frame... parts of his frame is quite large, parts are quite small. (that's another thing... it's not like we all fit particular prescribed frame sizes).

Then there is me... I was at a really good weight at 165. My body fat was 26%. Doctors have my 'ideal' weight between 155-160. That's pretty high for someone of my height, but I have a large frame. On the other hand, my husband is 6'1" and his frame is medium=ish and he feels best at a weight of 165 and he doesn't look too skinny... He's 7 inches taller than me and we have the same goal weight!!!!

BUT... do people in real life (editing to add - people who see you in the flesh) also question the goal weight? or only online?

In her day to day life where people see her in the flesh versus us here online. Better for you?

Yesterday she posted a thread where she said she was "stuck" and the scale was not moving. One of the first responders suggested maybe she didn't need to lose weight based on her height and BMI range.

I don't tell people either, too embarrassing. But I don't know what to do when they ask. I'm not one to lie. People will make comments like "Why do you eat so many salads" or "Why can't you eat ice cream with us?" Or I get accused of ruining the fun because I'm the only one who won't order dessert at a restaurant. (That is another thing! Do people act like if you don't order dessert then they "can't"? That drives me nuts too. If YOU want it, don't worry about what I'm doing.) And then I am stuck with what to say, so I usually say that I'm working on getting healthier. Then they go "You don't need to lose weight!" (Because health is only about weight, apparently :headache: ) So I say, according to the doctor I do. And it just goes from there.

No, this is more about IRL people, though I have seen it suggested here more than once. It feels like my friends would rather I stay fat, because it makes them more comfortable or something. At least that is my perception of their behavior.

My husband and I are similar except I am the tall one. But my frame is XS and his is MD/LRG. So our "ideal" weights are very close to each other. He is supposed to weigh like 7 pounds more than me even though I am roughly 5" taller than him.

I wish it didn't bother me, but when people frown at you and act like you're doing something wrong it does get on my nerves. Clearly since you and are a similar height and my ultimate goal is where you are currently (though my frame is smaller) it's not such a terrible goal. You obviously are doing just fine, so my doctors must not be "crazy" as so many have tried to imply.

I would just stop talking about your goal weight with people. If for some reason you bring it up and people question it, you can just say "it is what my doctor recommends, and I'll be sure to keep an eye on how I feel. Say, did you see that World Cup game where the guy bit the other guy?? wasn't that crazy!"

Part of the problem is that people have also gotten used to a bit of plumpness. We aren't used to seeing thin people OR we aren't used to people who aren't FAT worrying about their weight. It's like ONLY those who are obese should worry about it - not those who "look fine". I don't know why that is, but it is.

Again, I already don't. It's not like I bring it up myself.

Yes, that is true. People do seem to find it odd that someone who isn't obese is trying to gain better health.

It probably makes people feel guilty... like, "Man, if she is worrying about her weight and diet, then I probably should be too.... and I don't."

I think that's where some of the fat shaming comes from too. It's easier to point fingers at someone else than to think about your own health. "They are WAY worse than me!" kind of thoughts. They don't want to be reminded that maybe they can improve too - and if someone who is "like them/not too fat" is showing more effort, then they probably should too (and they know it, but don't want to do it).

This probably not really going to help you, but I will throw it out there anyway. This is more about your perception of them then their perception of you. I know this is easier said than done, I get that, but people are going to say what they are going to say and there is very little you can do about it. You can share what you like with the people that matter to you, such as your weight goals are your own and they are not to offer criticism, but support, otherwise they can keep their opinion to themselves. Everyone else can "sod off". When it comes to change, people, in general, are not fond of it. They have you categorized the way they like and if you try to change, that often makes THEM uncomfortable, so they will try to change you to fit THEIR categories.

Fat guys often tell me I don't need to lose weight. I'm 6' 2" and weigh 228 pounds now and my body fat is ~24%, this means I have 55 pounds of fat mass. While within the "healthy" limits, this is still higher than I would like. I KNOW that I can have a lower body fat level, therefore I WILL lose what I want until I reach the goals that I set for myself. This is all about me. I will let NO ONE but me derail me from my goals.

Far be it from me to tell someone how to feel, but maybe this is something that YOU have to get past, because you are likely not going to change the people around you. The people that matter to you will probably understand and accede to your wishes. Otherwise they are like everyone else and can "sod off".