I suppose we all see fairness differently. I don't live in a fairy tale. I'm quite honest when I say I feel entitled to eat anything I want. There are severe consequences when I restrict myself - this is something true bingers understand. We choose and make our own goals and besides living free from an eating disorder my biggest goal is to enjoy every meal and eat normally without restriction.

There are many ways to lose weight and find health. I know some people don't like IE but why can't I say so?

There is a concept that I've applied to my life called "delayed gratification." People who have impulsive personalities are more likely to be addicted. I don't purchase on impulse or live on impulses if I can avoid it. Plan, and note that you can always have your "special thing" later, plus you will feel better about yourself. There is no rush to eat anything.

Denial is not a bad thing. The longer you wait to reward yourself, the sweeter that reward will be. Sometimes the only "reward" you need is the feeling of staying in control in a precarious situation

Again, you're missing the point - and I mean that gently and in friendship, as I think we're talking past each other :).

There is nothing inherently wrong with intuitive eating as a lifestyle, though for weight loss the track records stinks :shrug: There are aspects of it that are phenomenal and I practice them myself, like watching hunger and satiety cues (mine suck, but I still try :) ) but for pounds lost and kept off in those with moderate to severe obesity, I can count the number of success stories I've seen online and in real life on one hand. Most are still fat. Most still have huge food issues. And that's true of so many diets where those involved haven't changed their base relationship with food.

But those who use intuitive eating successfully for weight loss and maintenance are still acknowledging the consequences of their choices and restricting certain things like occasion, quantity, and food type. That's reality. Everything has trade offs and for weight loss and maintenance to work there really has to be a mental dialog going on that doesn't make everything deprivation, drama, self denial, and whining. Where our thoughts go our bodies follow, and this is really crucial in diet success, as Lin nailed.

If intuitive eating works for you that's great! But would you tell a newbie who wanted to use it for weight management that intuitive eating meant no trade offs or down sides, no choices to be made, no self monitoring or other health behaviors that would help the scale to go down? That's a smorgasbord, not a weight loss technique :)

cheddahcat Offering my support :hug: There has been so much good advice given in this thread I could be quoting all night :D

I think what you are doing is good, if you look at it as a learning experience, you will be able to see how these foods have been affecting your body. When I started cutting back on sugar and carbs when I could really taste the sweetness in things like ketchup that I never noticed before. Your taste buds kind of get deadened by sugar, well that's what I believe anyway.

I'm all about trying different programs, low carb, calorie counting, intermittent fasting, juicing, meatless days, eating more fish, etc. I try things and see what works and keep that and keep my mind open to new ideas that might be helpful and healthful for me. I forgot to mention the "name brand" programs that got me started and gave me a good base of knowledge, Weight Watchers and Atkins, learning healthy behaviors and steering towards whole foods, again not everything either says is gospel, but there are some treasures in there.

I practice the "delayed gratification" a lot myself, I'm not giving anything up forever, but I do often tell myself I can have that tomorrow or on the weekend. There's a famous 12 step program that tells you sometimes a day is too long, sometimes you just have to tell yourself it's for an hour or two or even a few minutes if that's what it takes to get past a craving for something unhealthy.

I would like to quote a few things that resonated for me, but really there is so much great stuff in this thread I really hope you come back and read through it a couple times Cheddahcat and remember what works for you might not work for someone else, so keep doing what works for you and make an adjustment when you need to. Best of luck to you.

Once again, the 3FC community shows their willingness to reach out and help whoever asks, that's one of the reasons I love this site.

Thanks everyone :sunny:

cheddahcat, Support, support, support and :dust: from me! I could have written a few of your sentences..especially about CAKE, evil, evil cake :devil: but you just come to a moment when you realize you have to make changes and cut some things out ... maybe not for forever, it helps me to realize that treats will be around for a lifetime, I can choose a special one when I have earned it.

I know how hard it is to resist off-limits foods that are in your own house!! but it does get easier, it does! congrats on the first 10 days done, I believe that your pants can be looser already.

It helps so much to try to change your mindset, that this is something you WANT to do, instead of feeling that you're fighting.

I'm kinda just repeating what others above have said, I see .. just know that you are not alone, and know that you CAN do this!

So many great thoughts. I was having some similar envious thoughts at Memorial Day picnic yesterday. Sooo many temptations. One thing that I have found helpful in that sort of situation is to observe what some of the thin folks are eating. On the surface, it may seem that everyone is getting treats, but when I really look at their habits, they are not the ones getting thirds of cake. ;)

Best of luck to you!

Intuitive Eating is not a weightloss technique. Weightloss is not the primary goal. IE gets trivialized into being the "eat when you're hungry stop when you're full" diet and so I have to point out that it's not about that at all, I think that's a real misunderstanding and it's mentioned so often that it's important to put that to rest. IE is about neutralizing your relationship to food so that you can find other ways to nurture yourself. What I read into the OP was that she's grown resentful of those around her that are eating foods she can't. She mentions "driving her mad" and "the thought of food is mouth watering" and feeling anxiety being in close proximity to forbidden foods. These are strong primal responses driven by restriction. I've been there, it sucks big time. Because you feel so upset and so weak and so unfair - ultimately it leads to a binge for me. Which leads to feelings of failure, weakness, guilt, and for some of us even depression. In essence, restriction and dieting makes our relationship to food very charged and volatile.

Sure, I'd love to tell you that IE is super easy and that weight melts off. Or that there are no consequences, or trade offs because of course there are! It's dedicated hard work but if there is one thing (among many) that it can help with it would have to be making one at ease around food that other people are eating. You mentioned health behaviors - I can't talk to you about calories or will power or white knuckling or drastic weightloss - but I can tell you that I have a pantry full of extremely forbidden foods that I hardly ever think about or crave. I can make a big pot of spaghetti bolognese and be satisfied after 3 forkfuls. Weightloss has been just a pleasant side effect.

This is just a suggestion of how to deal with those very uncomfortable feelings around food. White knuckling it works in the short term, in my case it does lead to binges.

This is it exactly. You are still in the hard adjustment stage. Stick with it and it should get easier fairly soon. I agree that getting enough sleep is crucial. When I am sleep deprived, my body's need for energy makes me want food.

I also agree with Arctic Mama. I had to make some decisions. I won't quote all she said on this thread but I think that she is right on.

From your post, I am assuming that you have decided to go low carb. Many will try to convince you that you should not. There are posts on this thread that demonstrate this. I first heard of the Atkins diet when I was young. For all my adult life I heard how "dangerous" low carb eating was.

I tried everything, low fat, moderation, counting calories, counting points, all types of exchange diets, and even diet pills for 40 years. I would lose some weight with great difficulty but, because I could not stick with any of these, the pounds returned. I would lower my carbs but had the "I need carbs" mentality and would keep just enough carbs to keep craving them.

Thankfully, I finally tried really reducing my carbs and am much more successful with losing weight. I currently am maintaining for awhile to be sure that I can keep this off. Since I was going to maintain, I added back some carbs, like bread. Guess what? The cravings returned. I realize that I have to be lowish carb for life. Like Arctic Mama, I also have to weigh and measure my food and keep a food log. My intutit button simply does not work.

I am happy to give up carbs in order to carry 100+ pounds less on my body! I feel so much better and wish I had done this 40 years ago.

Hang in there! You can do this and it will get easier. A year from now, you will be so glad that you stuck with it.

The doctor tried to get me on Atkins years ago for a seizure disorder and I could never do it for more than a few days...congratulations on your success so far!;)

I agree 100%, and also with Arctic Mama! I'm reading Robert Lustig's book Fat Chance and am beginning to view refined sugars in the same way I view cigarettes and hard liquor. I won't enjoy things that intuitively seem toxic. For me, someone who can polish off a buttercream-frosted layer cake in a day and want more the next day, this transition will not happen overnight, and may never happen fully. But Lustig's hunches about the cascade of toxic effects in susceptible people from eating sugar are persuasive. That makes it so much easier to choose foods that keep me slim, strong & satiated.

Excellent post.

I just had to quote this because every word of it is so true. This has been my experience as well. But honestly, in some ways I think IE is MORE work. You really have to dig into your non hunger reasons for eating. Sometimes counting calories or restricting carbs actually seems easier... at least in the short run. But yes, I have tons of goodies in my house that I walk by every day and don't even think about eating. They are in full view. Its only because I know that I can have them anytime I want that I feel that way.

Anyway, I totally don't want to get in an IE argument on OP's thread. I just wanted to second the thought that there are different ways to get over cravings. I have also been where the OP is. Several times. It does the same thing to me that it does to Wannabeskinny. Everyone is of course different so whatever works for other people is good too. I just wanted to reiterate that this option can be valid.

I would wonder if you are like a mom & talking about your kids and husband?

I think for one everyone can eat healthier. If you are making the meals you can always make healthier things which don't have to be "diet" food. A healthy meal packed full of veggies with lean meat and such. Then just control your portion. There are so many super delicious recipes out there that are also healthy. And you can also always throw a salad or extra veggies as a side for yourself.

I think it is not alot to ask for them to be considerate atleast when you first are starting out. Ofcourse you have to learn to resist temptation but it doesn't have to be an overnight thing, you can do it slowly. Ask them to get snacks that are easier for you to resist so they still have their stuff and you won't drive yourself mad. I hate hate hate salt & vinegar chips, my DH loves them. So he can fill the house with them and I would never touch them or even think about them in a million years.

I also think you can set yourself for success by having go to healthy snacks and deserts that won't ruin your plan. Like if you were super craving cake and they had cake you can get like low sugar pound cake and have it with berries. And it can help satisfy your craving.

One thing I took from the IE plan (as I've read about it here on the board) is to remove guilt and shame from the whole eating equation. I'm not ashamed of myself no matter what I eat. In that respect, for me, food is food is food.

Guilt and shame are such soul-sucking emotions, they are never helpful to me. And I used to be ashamed of being a binge eater, too, and nobody knew about it. Getting past those emotions and all their baggage is SO helpful.

Absolutely, I totally agree. My biggest struggle with IE has been removing guilt from the eating equation. I have a history of eating disorders and food deprivation growing up so I think that makes a difference for me too.