I can so relate. My mother also expresses love with food - she gives my niece icecream everyday even when my brother didn't want her to. Her excuse - she loves it.

She'll hand out candy and chocolate or make something fattening as a reward.

but then she'll critique my eating choices day to day - about how i have no self control (i have only recently accepted i have an eating disorder). Even when i was at my ideal weight she used to say how i was overweight. It's only now that i know she was wrong, but i spent my childhood and teens convinced i was overweight.

Some part of my emotional health over the past few years is coming to terms with my weight and realising that i can choose to be healthy and feel worthy no matter what weight i am. I've been slowly making healthier choices (my nutrition is good and i excercise well). Now i'm trying to lose the weight as well, but on my terms and for my reasons.

I know she loves me. And as you said, I have to take responsibility for my actions which led me here. i just need to remind myself that if i listen to other opinions, they may not be helpful for me