Weightloss opens up an invitation for other peoples opinions?
I am going crazy because I am getting tired of people giving me input of what I'm doing wrong or what I could be doing better. On here, yeah it's expected, but that's because I ask. Or people politely suggest something extra/different to what I'm doing, which I appreciate. It's the people in real life who are the problem!
I don't even go around screaming to the world that I'm trying to lose weight. People just know because I've declined their candy, cookies, or going out to Wendy's for lunch at work. So then they feel the need to analyze my eating and workout plans and give me their input that I didn't ask for.
Like my coworker saw my lunch. I was having salad with all veggies, no meat, no dressing, no croutons. She said I was "starving myself" It's a pretty big salad! And saying it's not about what I eat but how much I eat. And went on to tell me how she lost 100 lbs and still has bagels with butter and a couple bottles of soda a day, and pizza and whatever she wants, she just doesn't overeat
Ok well I'm not a fitness expert, but isn't a "couple bottles of soda" already way over the recommended sugar limit? Regardless. I'm happy she lost 100 lbs, and what works for her is great, but doesn't work for everyone. I don't even care about the number on the scale anymore, I care about being Healthy. To me, Healthy means keeping my heart clear, keeping my blood pressure and blood sugar in check, and I don't believe I can do any of that eating what I want all day in reasonable portions.
Besides her, I've gotten several rude intrusive comments about me needing to eat more, and needing to eat meat, (which I'm not even giving up forever, just for the next 3 weeks!) how I shouldn't push myself at exercise at my size because its so "NEW". Umm I've been working out for years now. I can surprisingly do A LOT at MY SIZE, definitely in comparison to other people I have talked to at my size. I just think that was the most rude comment, coming from someone in healthcare or not. (I work at a hospital, it came from a nursing care assistant) Don't put me in a box with all other people 300+ lbs.
Why do people feel this is okay or appropriate??
Last edited by Skettihead03; 03-07-2014 at 01:20 PM.
We are sort of fixated on our diet and exercise programs, but many folks seem to feel free to offer advice/opinions about all kinds of personal things. I am an old lady now, but I remember getting tons of unsolicited advice from strangers when I was pregnant! And breastfeeding! You would think the future of the world depends on if/if not, where, how often, proper attire etc etc.
Anyway, I think people mean well most of the time. Maybe, as a species, humans like to meddle. LOL!
I am going crazy because I am getting tired of people giving me input of what I'm doing wrong or what I could be doing better. On here, yeah it's expected, but that's because I ask. Or people politely suggest something extra/different to what I'm doing, which I appreciate. It's the people in real life who are the problem!
I don't even go around screaming to the world that I'm trying to lose weight. People just know because I've declined their candy, cookies, or going out to Wendy's for lunch at work. So then they feel the need to analyze my eating and workout plans and give me their input that I didn't ask for.
Like my coworker saw my lunch. I was having salad with all veggies, no meat, no dressing, no croutons. She said I was "starving myself" It's a pretty big salad! And saying it's not about what I eat but how much I eat. And went on to tell me how she lost 100 lbs and still has bagels with butter and a couple bottles of soda a day, and pizza and whatever she wants, she just doesn't overeat
Ok well I'm not a fitness expert, but isn't a "couple bottles of soda" already way over the recommended sugar limit? Regardless. I'm happy she lost 100 lbs, and what works for her is great, but doesn't work for everyone. I don't even care about the number on the scale anymore, I care about being Healthy. To me, Healthy means keeping my heart clear, keeping my blood pressure and blood sugar in check, and I don't believe I can do any of that eating what I want all day in reasonable portions.
Besides her, I've gotten several rude intrusive comments about me needing to eat more, and needing to eat meat, (which I'm not even giving up forever, just for the next 3 weeks!) how I shouldn't push myself at exercise at my size because its so "NEW". Umm I've been working out for years now. I can surprisingly do A LOT at MY SIZE, definitely in comparison to other people I have talked to at my size. I just think that was the most rude comment, coming from someone in healthcare or not. (I work at a hospital, it came from a nursing care assistant) Don't put me in a box with all other people 300+ lbs.
Why do people feel this is okay or appropriate??
I have had these types of comments too;when I would decline candy and cookies and choose a healthier option. They would say everything is fine in moderation, which is true IMO, but I never asked for the advice, and I just would prefer the healthy option because I don't crave those types of things anymore. And they would continue offering those things, and again, have to politely decline. Can get annoying, yeah.
Not sure why people want to comment. Probably trying to be helpful.
And I'm sorry for what that person said about not pushing yourself too hard. You know your body and how hard you can push. Again, they were probably trying to be helpful and didn't know how much you workout already. Still not their place to comment unless you ask though.
Just have to keep doing our thing.
That's pretty much the reason I'm keeping my journey very close to me this time. Last time I was loud about it because I thought if people knew I would have to stay accountable. Instead I got comments about 'if you're on a diet shouldn't you be eating [insert something OTHER than what I was eating]?' It didn't bother me at the time, but I changed my habits for other people really easily, and that ended up being detrimental to my progress because it wasn't natural, and I ended up giving up. This time around I've told my family, that's all. I'm fortunate that they are very supportive and not in my ear every time I want to eat something that they wouldn't agree with.
I don't think people realize it is such a personal process. Those who have run it understand it, but those who haven't think it's just a common problem, that we just have to eat right, or do things right, or whatever the rules are. I think it would have benefited me greatly to say to anyone that tried to dictate my eating habits that I was taking a different approach, or at least to tell them that weight loss doesn't have a universal fix. Basically what I'm saying is, it might be helpful to [nicely] correct those who want to tell us what to do.
Just ignore them. I've always been cognizant of what I eat, and I always decline sweets and treats and choose the most nutritious choice on a meal out. Working in different departments and with different people, I've heard it all. After a while, they just stop commenting.
For my birthday recently, someone got two cakes and a fruit platter. I don't eat cake (since I was a kid!) and I rarely eat fruit. Of course I was blown away by the celebration and cut and doled out slices of cake, but I didn't partake. One person commented on it and another said "she NEVER eats sweets."
At some point, they just get it. Keep on and brush those comments off
People who are thinner than us just assume that they are a lot smarter than we are and that they know best. They think they are experts and will look at you and try to pick apart whatever you are doing. You really have to ignore those folks.
gailr42 - You are so right! When I was pregnant I also had the same treatment. I'll just shrug it off! I know what's best for me
abetterme - Yeah, you're probably right. I'm sure the CNA was just trying to be nice, and I took her comment the wrong way. I guess she won't know if I'm "pushing myself too hard" because I won't be keeping anyone up to date on my workout plans except my 3fc Peeps
xRiotGirl - Great advice! Usually I just nod my head at the people but I think I'll let them know what I'm doing is working for me so I think I'm gonna stick it out awhile.
Munchy - Yeah I won't let the comments get to me anymore. And wow that was so nice of your coworkers! Good for you for not having any though, theres no sense in forcing calories you won't even enjoy. Now me, I make a mean cupcake. And anything else you can bake which is why I'm currently on baking hiatus except for my god daughters birthday party. Can't bake without taste testing!
Waterbunny77 - True! What is ironic though is the coworker who lost 100 lbs is still pretty heavy. She is probably 40 lbs less than myself. Which doesn't matter to me, I'm nobody to judge. I am so happy for her weight loss, I just don't think her plan is a right one for me. So I'm gonna keep on keepin on!
Sometimes (especially if it's someone who has lost weight), they are just genuinely enthusiastic to share their knowledge. They forget that it isn't a one size fits all thing. I catch myself sometimes, but usually it isn't a weight thing it's a "such and such helps with such and such a condition" which is just as uninvited and rude.
When I lost my first 50, I got comments from everyone. There are people I don't even know that recognize me from my job that would stop me and comment or would comment to other people. Generally it was all just encouraging "she's doing so well" but I have one woman (the sister in law of a close friend) who has loudly proclaimed that she wants me to take her aerobics class because I'd be "such a good before and after story" because I have another 200 pounds to lose. Excuse me?
My sister in law is pregnant and gets the same thing about pregnancy things. She'll decline to eat something she doesn't think is in her or the baby's best interest and people will deride her decision with "oh I ate it all the time and my kids are fine". We've become such an artificially intimate society that there are no boundaries any more.
RadioJane - That is just absolutely ridiculous and that would have ticked me off! It's one thing to invite you to her aerobics class, it's completely another to judge your weight, say how much you *need* to lose, and to also clearly only be thinking of herself by wanting your before and after story. Some people have no filters!
I think it is human nature - - and for the most part, well-intented.
Have you ever noticed if a man in the neighborhood lifts the hood of a vehicle in the driveway, or buys a new riding lawn mower or decides to cut down a tree - - whatever - - it seems that every other guy in the neighborhood saunters over to offer his opinion, help out, watch.
I think it is just more personal with women. I try really hard not to do it, because it irritates me, but I must admit I have found myself doing it.
No point in getting upset about it, we all have experienced that type of intrusive commenting and there's not much we can do to stop it. We can however not allow it to get to us. I know that's hard because every suggestion is actually a judgement and it feels rather personal. Just try to remember that it very may well be coming from a good place.
Learn to deflect, don't internalize. Always pretend that you love what you're eating. "Ugh, I hate dressing, it makes my salad mushy!" or "I'm tired of Wendys" If you're saying no to cookies and sweets say something like "nah, I just had a bunch" or "my tummy's not feeling too good" or if someone tells you to drink a beverage you dont want to drink give an excuse completely unrelated to weight loss like "I hate spending money on drinks when I prefer water anyway" and if all else fails tell them "my doctor told me I have to cut out xyz"
To the person who told you that exercise is too new, that's just rude and a rude retort wouldn't be out of line. But I can't think of one.
YES, comments and unwanted comments and sometimes rude comments that made me internalize that i am ugly after this weight loss (board has heard my complaints numerous times)
But, i think you HAVE to assume (for the most part) that people mean no harm and that they don't understand the impact of their words, i after all, did that to those around me losing weight and i truly didn't mean any harm. Beside that, don't qualify their comments at all, i would just tend to ignore them rather than offer ANY explanation or excuse.
Or say something that completely knocks them off guard like, "i think i look great" or "i love the way i eat, thanks anyway" but i tend to feel really snarky about those kind of situations.
Ugh, I wish I knew why people feel it their moral obligation to talk about our weight-loss, give us advise, try to pull us down, or act as if they knew better. For most of the part people have been nice and encouraging with me, but for example my best friend said in passing "you shouldn't diet so hard, you'll get pregnant and gain it all back." Um, hello! First, no, I don't get pregnant that easily so as far as that is concerned, years could pass before I am finally able to conceive so in the mean time I want to lose these extra pounds. Second, I didn't gain much weight at all in my last pregnancy. Third, it is not her place to be so negative when I'm obviously so happy about my diet and my new-found lifestyle.
There have been other occasions and unsolicited comments from people like "you're still on "that" diet?" or "when are you planning to finish it?" or "is that all you're going to eat?" Just mind your own business! I love what I'm doing! I feel great about it! Every little comment feels like a million needles trying to burst my bubble.
I have learned to take everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, assuming the very best intentions of the other person. Even if I'm pretty sure they intend something pointedly or rudely, that doesn't mean I have to accept it as such.
You would not believe how much more joyous and peaceful this has made me, and how much the people-pleasing urges I'm prone to have quieted in the face of being self content, cheerful, and pretty much impossible to ruffle. Plus - it's usually true! I know genuinely few people who mean to insult, deride, or hurt others. It's usually enthusiasm, their idea of helpfulness, or a really badly delivered bit of advice at play - not malice.
Worst case scenario if they don't drop it just politely refuse to engage. Even a smile and an 'Let's discuss something else. How is ________ going?' works better than getting upset or internalizing comments. Just refusing to go there or respond on the affronting topic can solve all but the worst of these issues. And the worst of them require complete non-engagement and occasionally just hanging up/walking away.
But yeah, assume the very best of the other person. Always. Be wise in how you respond and think carefully before doing so, but don't meet comments with skepticism, paranoia, or taking something personally or insultingly when in reality it's probably nothing at all.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 03-07-2014 at 09:41 PM.
Weightloss opens up an invitation for other peoples opinions?
