Originally Posted by LaurieDawn:
I so want to be able to say this! And I go through periods where I can. But I also honestly have periods where eating one piece of chocolate will put me into complete binge mode. On Valentine's Day, in fact, I ate so much candy/cupcakes (work food! Dang them!) that I was literally in pain and the thought of chocolate disgusted me. And yet, I ate the box I had received as a gift until it was gone.

Eventually, I want to be where you are. But I am absolutely where Ian seems to be. Though I have never gone months without an indulgence, as Ian seems to have, I have many times where I pay a really high price (as in, weeks or months of struggling to get back on plan) for even a small indulgence. And, frankly, telling myself it's crazy and I just need to stop it -- or whatever "be tough, be smart" saying I think might help -- seems to have as much power as telling my clinically depressed mother to "cheer up."

Nevertheless, hearing you say this gives me a lot of hope that, someday, I will put the pieces together and be able to say it too. Or alternatively, be able to accept that, like my alcoholic uncle who can't even have a single can of beer, I must forever forgo the chocolate.

To be clear, I didn't mean "everyone should eat chocolate every day just because they can" or that there is anything wrong with choosing not to eat XYZ. A lot of people really, truly do struggle with addictive or compulsive behaviors that have specific triggers and are better off avoiding entire categories of foods.

I was more pointing that question toward IanG, since he has completely overhauled his diet and lifestyle and successfully lost and kept off many pounds. Do the same trigger foods still hold power over him? Why should chocolate elicit any feelings at all regardless of who's eating it?

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
We live right next to a dunkin donuts and I've never seen my husband eat a donut lol, for me it's a constant reminder of what I can't/shouldn't have.

I just want to say that I really feel for you, Wannabeskinny, that you live next to a Dunkin Donuts. For me that would be downright maddening, especially if any of the smell escapes...

As for proxy eating, I'm one of those people who does not find it pleasurable. I don't mind watching other folks eat salty foods or other things that are not attractive to me, but when it comes to sweets, my nose is so sensitive I can smell them right through their packaging in the grocery store. Someone actually biting into a sweet food releases lots of odors, and I get so tempted to indulge, I have to leave the room. No way am I able to bake them any more!

I've read that it's common for people with anorexia nervosa to do lots of cooking and baking for other people, while they, of course, rarely take a single bite. 'Sounds like torture to me!

Originally Posted by Fiona W:
As for proxy eating, I'm one of those people who does not find it pleasurable.

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I've read that it's common for people with anorexia nervosa to do lots of cooking and baking for other people, while they, of course, rarely take a single bite. 'Sounds like torture to me!

When your mind is disordered, it's not pleasure that you are feeling when you push food to others. It's more... complicated than that. Of course, this is just my opinion but well, eating disorders are not classified as mental health illnesses for nothing.

heheheh I just needed to note over here, that I used to be in love with donuts as a kid because of all the pretty holiday colors and such, but I was never a fan of the actual texture/taste of Dunkin Donuts. Cinnabon however...thats a different story.

I think its good to be aware and make note of these things IanG, but I just find that I can relate to you a lot in the sense that you lost a whole chunk of weight rapidly and at 1 long period and these feelings that I also felt just faded over time - I don't want to guarantee anything, but I think that there is a very good chance that its just something that was sorta a "side effect" of making big dietary changes. Anyways, you've made awesome progress. When i finally reached goal, I had a "CELLLEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!" duh duh duh duh duh duh duh song mode - felt really good to be able to try out the funsies food that I avoided for so long, knowing that even if they did present a temptation, once I realized that and stopped myself, there was little or no "weight damage" done!

I'm glad you are getting control of your actions.

I had a parent that did this type of thing (subconsciously, I suspect) and well, all of us children ended up being overweight. You don't want that future for your children.

Well, seeing the original post is more than a year old, I sure hope Ian got this sorted out - his twins would be not only three years old by now, but possibly in a sugar come too :D

Yes, this one is definitely fixed now.

The kids no longer live with me for a start...

That helps.

I think it depends on how frequent these "treats" are. When my son was younger I was excited to give him a special treat such as root beer float, etc. he definitely has the same popcorn addiction I have.
I'm saddened because I used to also give him tons of veggies and he loved them. A pre school buddy told him veggies are gross and now he throws up almost every veggie.
I'm still trying to fix the damage I and his classmates have done. I hope him and I can reach a happy place. We always want the best for our kids but finding that balance can be hard.

Growing up, my mom was always on a diet, and she always craved sweets. Sometimes, she would buy them for me just so she could watch me eat them; other times, she'd buy them "for me" as an excuse, and often she'd say, "Oh, honey, I ate that candy I bought for you, but don't worry! I'm replacing it today." And she always would, so I never put up a fuss, but it happened quite a bit. I could tell when her diet was particularly bad because I'd see new candies on the table almost every day. It was sweet of her, and I always felt that she was trying to show how much she cared about me and wanted me to enjoy my youth, but I ended up developing a similar sweet tooth...

I own up to the fact that, as an adult, I am the one in control of how much candy is in the house, and so it simply isn't right now... but I honestly wonder if my mother's constant candy-pushing had an impact on my former bad eating habits, especially since chocolate is my go-to "comforting" food.

Originally Posted by IanG:
Yes, this one is definitely fixed now.

The kids no longer live with me for a start...

That helps.

Sorry Ian, I didn't know that. Guess a lot happened while I was not here.

Not all changes are good. You, however, look nothing like a person I remember from your first avatars. You've done a great job at your weight loss!

Originally Posted by LRH:
But when I am in losing mode, I enjoy "virtual eating." That is, I can (and enjoy) watching the Food Network, etc. Somehow, I derive some satisfaction from it and it doesn't lead to losing control at all. Anyone else?

Love the term "virtual eating"! I've noticed something similar in myself. When I'm trying to control my food intake, I find myself "fussing" with food more than necessary, like transferring leftovers into smaller containers or dividing food into portions. It's a bit pathetic, but it is what it is.:^:

F.

As someone who cycled through anorexia, exercise bulimia and binge eating disorder, I can tell you that this behavior isn't just "eating disorder through proxy." It's a recognized symptom of having an eating disorder.

If you Google "anorexic cooking for others" you'll find a host of articles about people suffering from eating disorders deriving vicarious pleasure from cooking for others or watching them eat.

These articles often mention that it was a behavior exhibited by subjects in the famous Minnesota Starvation Experiment.

I'm not saying that everyone who enjoys cooking meals for others and watching them eat has an eating disorder -- but in combination with other behaviors, it can be one of the signs of a problem.

When I was at my thinnest and craziest, and diagnosed anorectic, I was obsessed with collecting recipes for baked goods and baking -- and not eating what I baked.

I still have issues about urging my mother or visitors to enjoy something that I won't let myself touch -- and I can tell when I am too invested, to the point of being a little fixated. It feels so close to enjoying pornography.