Fell off the Wagon
 

Well, after losing 50 lbs and keeping it off for a year... I finally FELL off the wagon. For two months.. I have been eating with utter abandon. I felt like I was doing it on purpose because mentally I just couldn't deal with constantly feeling on a diet. Now feel like my clothing is tight.

I have decided NOT go look because typically what happens is that I go on off a diet and then see what I have gained and freak out and just totally lose all hope. So tomorrow it is back to the diet food.

Here is the thing I can't quite figure out. I can't seem to find a happy medium. If I eat regular food... the calories are just very high no matter how I try to limit them. Also it feels like my set point (when I feel happy and satisfied) is about 500 calories over my BMR.

Why I went off the diet?
- Well the Precipitating factor was the government shut down that subjected me to a possible major rug out from under my life. I kind of had my mind blown.
- constant shoving food in my face. Which is still going on BTW.
- my body seemed to be unable to lose anymore and some part of me felt like I had to eat more to "wake up" my body. Plus I was completely out of motivation.
- I am purchasing a home and man oh man, is that stressful.
- I got a very long lasting head cold and that just makes me want to eat.

But I do finally... finally feel like I have the cheating all out of my system and I can't stand thinking about candy anymore. Today someone gave me a tub of fudge and I gave it away. That says it is time.

I suppose I am posting here because I feel like I am probably going to face quite the feat trying to do this before xmas.

Hi Emma, if you gave away a tub of fudge, it does sound as if you are ready to get back to the business of eating healthily. Christmas doesn't have to change that goal. Definitely get back on the wagon. Even if you slip here and there, overall, on the wagon is a much better place. Good luck! You can do this!

I can relate. I feel happiest and most satisfied (mentally, but also physically) when eating about 3,000 cals per day, which is 1,000 cals above my maintenance level of 2,000. So it comes down to making a conscious choice between existing in my "happy place" and being thinner. Kinda sucks, but there you have it.

I agree that it's difficult to find a balance that we can follow long-term without a build-up of psychological deprivation. I've been maintaining for 2+ years now and doing well overall, but every once in a while the old monster rears its head. The other day I had this urge, seemingly out of nowhere, to buy a whole ton of food and stuff my face. I resisted, but it goes to show that the old circuits never get completely overwritten.

F.

Yeh, I think sometimes it is psychological deprivation. I think this time I wanted to eat without "thinking" and that is what I did. I wanted to be able to eat like everyone else... mostly. There were times when I regretted the food... because I didn't think it was that great but enjoyed the act of getting it.

Welp... back on the wagon. I hope that this extended break did help that psychological need.