What makes you sad about your former state of mind?
My mom told me last night she felt concerned for my weight when I was charged double for take out food. I was flipping out about the money($27), and she was concerned that it was all just for me. It really was all just for me. It was like fajitas, quesadillas, cheese dip and other things, I'm sure. She never told me this fear until last night. I didn't even think that $27 worth of food for me was a big deal, but it is now. It makes me sad.
What makes you sad to think about in your former state of mind?
I accepted that being overweight would kill me early, definitely before I could draw a pension. I just accepted that and it did not bother me as much as it should.
Honestly, it was that I never even tried to lose weight before, I just figured it would be too hard. Now I'm sure it will get harder as I reduce my calories as the weight goes down but right now I hate to say it but, it's been easy (knock on wood!) To think that I spent years at 330 thinking how nice it would be to be under 300 and here I am 8 pounds from that goal with not a lot of effort.
Ordering extra drinks at drive thrus so I didn't look like all the food was for me was another thing I was guilty of. Golly.
Ian - I accepted I was gonna be alone, and super big the rest of my life, which was going to be short and was okay with it too.
Jeni - You are doing so well! I used to spend the time thinking that too instead of actually doing it. I never saw myself as that big until I was that big.
I accepted being treated badly by others because I had so little respect for myself. I really hated how I had let myself go, and just knew I'd be rejected, criticized, looked down upon so I essentially isolated myself. I wanted so badly to change my life, but felt I couldn't because of my weight. I do believe the weight was a factor, but most of it was in my head. Such a sad way to live.
Ordering extra drinks at drive thrus so I didn't look like all the food was for me was another thing I was guilty of. Golly.
Ian - I accepted I was gonna be alone, and super big the rest of my life, which was going to be short and was okay with it too.
Jeni - You are doing so well! I used to spend the time thinking that too instead of actually doing it. I never saw myself as that big until I was that big.
Thanks!
There is a thread somewhere on here about fat things you vow to never do again (or something like that) and I said the same thing about ordering extra drinks so people didn't think all the food was for me when it totally was!
For me it's not having enough self-worth to make my life better. I had made up my mind that I was going to be obese forever and I should just get used to it. I wish it hadn't taken me this long to figure out I am worth it.
Similar to 2fat2jump, I just accepted that I would be obese all my life. I have been plump since I was a child, and pretty fat since high school, so I never knew what it was like to be normal, let alone slim. Last year, I used to order McDonalds every day and it was a given that I would not only order a large meal, but also one extra burger plus a dessert, and that was a normal meal for me. Sometimes I used to order a Domino's pizza and eat the whole thing in half an hour while watching a movie. It was just my life, and I had accepted it.
Looking back on it now, I can't believe I let it get so bad. It makes me pretty sad to think about the years and money I've wasted while thinking this would be forever.
I put the weight on from depression, years of it, which I didn't quite realize until recently when I finally went to my Dr. and was put on Wellbutrin. Finally my brain is one of those brains that doesn't get rewarded by food. I eat it if I'm hungry and then I stop. It's so strange and so amazing. I keep thinking "this is what naturally thin people must feel like."
There is no struggle to count calories or track food because my brain and stomach know what they are doing now. I eat a little when I'm a little hungry, a little more if I'm more hungry and then I stop.
What makes me sad is all the years I spent depressed without realizing there was a way out of it.
This is where my thinking was last year.... "When I think about living this same life for the next 20...or 30...or 40 years, it makes me feel weary and despondent. Just, no. I'd rather be fat and die next year, thank you very much."
I'm so grateful I found the courage to change not only my weight but the direction of my life.
Spending most of my life believing that I would never be "normal." I let my weight mess with my perception of every single aspect of my life, from the length of my hair to what kind of shoes I could wear. I need long hair to hide my back fat and shield my non-existent neck! I can't wear flip-flops, people will see how fat my feet are! I mean, I even recall my mom telling me to never wear bright or dark nail polish, as it would only draw attention to how fat my fingers were. Sigh.
I recall a male acquaintance walking into my old work and casually saying hi to me, and a co-worker very seriously asked me if the guy was my boyfriend. I was mortified! My very first thought? "She obviously doesn't know the first thing about me, no one has ever dated me and no one would ever want to." I was in my mid-twenties and had never been on a date, so I honestly believed that I wasn't dating material. I look back now and realize that I was the active victim of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The amount of time it took to realize that I'm just as human as everyone else is pretty sad, and is something I still occasionally have to work on. But it's getting better.
Last edited by Elladorine; 09-17-2013 at 12:09 PM.
eating a lot of food all at once made me so, so, so happy. i'm sad that i didn't have anything else for the majority of my life that could make me feel that way.
I have been overweight all my life except for a brief period just out of highschool were I lost a lot of weight but ended up putting it all back on. I used to think I was going to be alone for the rest of my life because no one would be attracted to me for the way I am. Now I have a boyfriend that loves me for me and an amazing group of friends and family who helped me see that I was being way too hard on myself and it's given me the motivation to loose this weight for me. It's sad it took so long to see it that way though as life is way too short to live it with regrets
Sad that my self esteem was so low. I almost wish I could go back in time and hug myself and encourage myself to see the possibilities. Now I almost think I am invincible after reaching goal. As in: if I lost 80+ pounds there is nothing I cannot do, including maintaining the weight loss. But I couldn't see that at the time.
What makes you sad about your former state of mind?
