AT the normal weight I seem to hang around at, I am 5'5" between 140-148 pounds.

Then ED took over and I got down to 124. Then I started to binge eat and gained everything back that I had lost.

So these days I hover around 143-148. Which is pretty much where I was at. Only now I hate myself because I remember how thin I got, even though I felt like I was going to pass out every other moment.

BUT Despite that and being overly critical, I am making healthier food choices, snacking less, working out. All these things I wouldn't have done when I was healthy before.

Back then I would eat pizza every week, drink my calories, apple juice at night. Chips, chocolates, fries. I felt like I didn't gain a pound! And I didn't work out at all.

I feel like now I notice every bloat on my body. I am critical of myself in the worst ways. It seems like I gain weight so easily. But who knows cause I didn't track my weight before.

My question is... if I can stop binge eating and continue what I am doing now. Will I end up losing these 10 pounds that are making me mad? I work over almost every day. I have a full time on my feet job.

I want to have muscles and a lean body @__@ But I'm tired of trying to accustom myself to someone elses idea of how many calories/what I should eat. I'll just eat when I'm hungry and make good choices.

What do you guys think?

Everyone has different circumstances, different bodies, and different weight loss plans that work for them. What works for one may not work for another. I think just eating when you are hungry and making good choices is a wonderful start and may work perfectly for you. But you have to be patient. And if you find that you are doing everything right and you are still not shedding those nagging 10 lbs, then maybe you can adjust to a plan of counting calories or adding more exercise or some other healthy way of helping you to get to the weight you want to be. The key word is healthy. Just do things in a healthy way. Good luck!

Eating disorders aren't cured when you hit a normal weight, the bizarre mind games don't go away without a lot of work. I found that focusing on that side of recovery, rather that weight loss, brought me to a much more relaxed and accepting place than dropping 10lbs would have done.

Good luck to you and I hope you're able to find the support you need.

If you want to have a lean muscular physique than you're going to have to make fitness/nutrition a hobby. Working out nearly every day and eating healthy foods when you're hungry is most likely going to result in you spinning your wheels, making little progress.

I've followed the logs of many people who wanted what you want and everyone who accomplished it was very meticulous about their diet and exercise. Most don't get there. It takes a lot of effort and focus.

To make matters worse, staying at a lean level is even more difficult than it is to get there. Even fitness models don't live their lives photo shoot ready. It typically takes several weeks (or more) to be camera ready.

You need some routine. Eating when you are hungry might not work even if it is healthy. It would not work for me. I know when and what my next meal will be and if I am hungry I learn to live with it.

Beer helps me too.

Jillian Michael's DVD's with 5-10p hand weights (5-6 days a week) had me looking pretty darn toned. Not model toned but tight enough. I was impressed with her results. You don't have that much to lose maybe give her a shot. I highly recommend.

I know... I tried intuitive eating one day and I ate 1/3 cup oatmeal 3/4 banana and 6 pieces of sushi the whole day. Thats obviously not enough.

I try to have some structure. To prevent hunger and binges I carry boiled eggs to work with me and during break which is when I get hungry (cause even if I eat brekky at 5:30 or not I am always hungry around 9am). Then at lunch I'll have something even if I'm not getting hunger pains. I'll have something small before the gym like an apple or cottage cheese and after the gym I'll have a protein shake with banana. Dinner I'll eat something like a wrap.

thank yall for your input! I know I can't expect to be ripped by not having a strict plan but at least I want to look/feel better