How to handle insults . . . rant
 

I don't know why I continue to be surprised when people say rude things to me, but I am really tired of it.

My husband has a friend who is an egotistical loudmouth. He constantly says obnoxious things in front of our group of friends.

Last week, he and his wife hosted a dinner party and in front of everyone there, he referred to me as a whale! He kept making one whale joke after another. I was so shocked and embarrassed, I didn't know what to say. No one at the party said anything either. There was just an awkward silence.

Later, I spoke to him alone and told him never to say anything like that to me again. He responded "I know, I'm sorry". I know the kind of person he is so I do consider the source, but it is still embarrassing. :mad:

What is it with people who have to make mean comments? When my MIL does it, I get right in her face and she backs off. I don't want to have to do that but I am not going to just take it.

The comments are never constructive or said out of concern for my well being. The comments are always cruel. I guess some people enjoy hurting others. It feels like grade school all over again! I don't go around criticizing other people so I don't understand the need to make comments.

Any suggestions on how to cope with this?

I think you are doing the best thing, to get up there and confront them about their behavior...the other thing would be maybe to also distance yourself from them and let them know that, and why....maybe they will think twice about their behavior

Thank you, Alaskanlaughter! That's exactly what I thought.

By the way, I absolutely love Alaska!

I just wouldn't spend time with someone who thinks that kind of behavior is acceptable. I get insulted about my weight to my face MAYBE once a year... and never by someone I KNOW! It's usually a snide comment from some teenage boy. Frankly, I'm constantly shocked by the stories I hear on this forum about adults being rude or petty (even worse when it's family members)! If people treat you badly, they are not worth your time!

Thank you, Ashley. Your comments really help me too because I often wonder if I am being too sensitive about this. It hurts far more to get these comments from friends and family who are supposed to be there to support me as I have supported them.

I stopped seeing my MIL because she was always insulting me and I have been much happier since.

Come on up sometime!! I'm in the Capital City! Bears are two blocks away from my house and the glacier is a mile down the road! :)

Wow, That's just rude. I've only experienced that from young snotty kids, not adults! I would have said to him, "Wow, did you just really say that? You must feel really ashamed and embarrassed of yourself." I have no problem with calling people out.

I'm shocked he even has a wife! Poor her...

Amandie: thanks so much for making me laugh! I don't know how his wife can stand being with him! Nobody who knows them can understand it! She is an angel and he is a jerk!

Alaskanlaughter: bears and glaciers and Juneau sound great! I can't wait to go to Alaska again!

It's definitely not acceptable and actually, I hate to make this into more of a problem but I'm really surprised nobody stopped him on your behalf. Sending you hugs and strength to get away from people like that and surround yourself kind, uplifting people.

I definitely would have done what you did... If I stayed level headed enough, and I commend you for not calling him several nasty things that he would have rightly deserved.

I had something similar happen a few years ago, and I did not handle it so maturely. I.... Slapped him, and told him he was an insensitive A-hole and that I felt very sorry to anyone cursed with having to know him. So go you for being an adult and not doing that!!

You said this is a "friend"of your husband? Where was he when the jerk was mouthing off? I would have left when no one came to your defense.
Is it possible he has Tourettes and can't filter what he says?

Good. Lord. My husband would have probably punched him in the face if he said that to me!! Shew I have known a few acquaintances/friends in my life that are absolute train wrecks with horrifying stuff that comes out of their mouths all the time. I'm remembering one right now as a matter of fact. I also was incredulous that his wife put up with him on a daily basis. They make the whole world around them uncomfortable and make me cringe. They can't seem to resist "going there" in every single conversation. And they can't be cured! I'm not a sentimental person. I cut those people totally loose, lol, I can't stand to be around them. I wouldn't even have stayed at the dinner party. You should world class maturity and composure to privately take him aside to speak to him.

In my experience, people who make comments like that are covering up some insecurity in themselves by looking for a laugh from others which support their ego. I'd be less diplomatic than talking to them on their own - which is probably the right thing to do - and directly confront them in front of their audience and tell them that being called a 'whale' is not very nice and quite hurtful - and watch their response. If they insult you publicly, then take a deep breath and challenge them about it publicly. You are the stronger person.

Everyone has made such great points! I can't tell you how much all of your comments have helped me!

Patns and luckymommy: you are so right about my husband. He never speaks up for me. It has been a serious problem in our relationship for years. I think everyone else at the party was shocked and didn't know what to say. The "friend" who made the comment says awful things to everyone, especially his wife. He thinks he is being funny and he loves being the center of attention. I think that I will stay friends with his wife and stop spending any time with him.

Mizeria: sometimes I wish I could slap some of these people and really tell them off. I suppose I acted like an adult, but I still hold on to bad feelings.

Thank you all for your support!